Analysis of a typical congregation

by DannyBloem 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • DannyBloem
    DannyBloem

    Analysis of a typical congregation

    Group A
    Percentage: 10 %
    Name: The holy ones
    Description: Those ‘we are holy’ people. Always talking how Jehovah has done this or this for them.
    How to recognize: Easy recognizable for their holy smile on there face.
    Who: Many pioneers in this group.
    Motto: trust on Jehovah; praise the lord. Why are you not pioneering?

    Group B
    Percentage: 15 %
    Name: Nutcakes
    Description: physical problem group. Ranging from outright crazy to abnormal.
    How to recognize: They give the most stupid answers. Always want to give answers. Steal the toilet paper. Make commotion. Have a lower IQ then a chimp with dementia.
    Who: Also a lot of pioneers in this group.
    Motto: Does my head fit in the toilet or not, lets try…

    Group C
    Percentage: 5 %
    Name: powerfreaks
    Description: People who are there for the power. They like the position. More for man of course, mostly elders. Not many pioneers here.
    How to recognize: Easy recognizable at the big bags that they bring full of papers, and maps of papers that they like to walk around with.
    Who: Mostly man who have nothing to say at home, or have nothing to say at their work.
    Motto: what did you do yesterday evening? (all details please)

    Group D
    Percentage: 20 %
    Name: Irregulars
    Description: People who are there for some other reason, family reason or whatever.
    How to recognize: At there fake field service report. They come to late at meetings, never study etc.
    Who: Lot of young people in here.
    Motto: f*** off

    Group E
    Percentage: 1 %
    Name: Apostate to be
    Description: People who in a later stadium of live will be disfellowshipped or leave.
    How to recognize: the ask questions. They think
    Who: can be everybody
    Motto: What about the UN affair?

    Group F
    Percentage: 43 %
    Name: the dronesDescription: The ones make the 1 to 10 hours. Do the minimum, but everything that is required. They prepare most of it, etc. They always do a bit more then they really want to themselves, just to make sure nobody will stumble, nobody will think anything bad about them, etc.
    How to recognize: they look up all the texts in talks, without really reading it. They just give one or two answers to have done that also.
    Who: most of them
    Motto: "…" or "As long as I am not destroyed in Armageddon I do not care"

    Group G
    Percentage: 5 %
    Name: Nice onesDescription: People who believe it all, and try to act as good as they can.
    How to recognize: the ones that come to you and give you a real smile. Help you without pay back.
    Who: few of them are elder, mostly just publishers.
    Motto: can I help you?

    Group H
    Percentage: 1 %
    Name: VillainsDescription: As bad as they can be. Pretend to be the best elders, but only care their own very dirty minds.
    How to recognize: very difficult.
    Who: elders mostly. Mostly people who have been grown up in the troof. Lost all form of conscience in years of masturbation when not allowed. Suppressive JW parents mostly. Lack all morality now.
    Motto: Are there some children here?

    Is this analysis correct?

  • RichieRich
    RichieRich

    Are you wanting us to analyze a normal cong?

    or are you going to do it?

  • iggy_the_fish
    iggy_the_fish

    75% water, 19% carbon... (Edit: well, you see his post wasn't there to begin with, so my comment was quite funny for a few minutes...)

  • DannyBloem
    DannyBloem

    sorry ritchie, copy and paste problem?. will ask this in another thread (technical problem)

  • 144001
    144001

    A briefer analysis that is applicable to all kingdom halls follows: 100% Pigeons

  • Leolaia
    Leolaia

    I like it. I can think of ppl in my old cong who fit into all these categories....I think I started out as a "nice one" (as much a child can be), became "irregular" and then became "apostate" before leaving....

  • RichieRich
    RichieRich

    THats awesome man... so true!

  • greendawn
    greendawn

    Let's hope group E, the apostates, are a lot more than 1% despite all the brainwashing going on.

  • luna2
    luna2

    Nice analysis! I was a drone for a long time. I really believed, but I'm not a high energy/overly social person, so I did what I had to and not much more. LOL

    LMAO at your description of group B. I knew more than a couple of these folks.

  • katiekitten
    katiekitten

    Group B:

    We had one bloke used to come to the hall to make LOUD testimony that he was John the Baptist.

    We had a bloke turn up on our door (our address & number was listed as the local JW contact). He wanted to come to the meeting because "he liked to clap". It only took my dad about 3 hours of serious study in the living room to spot him as a fruitcake - plus the 1 hour free drive home.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit