whats a newbie

Chainsaw

so um what is a newbie and why did I suddenly become one??? Oh well guess I've been called worse.
so I'm new here checked it out for a couple of days though. My boyfriend is a JW and to appease him I have been studying for a few months now. Funny thing is He's great until he's around his JW friends. I'm definitely not the stay at home and be submissive girl his family wants for him, but he is not the rigid JW they think he is. I know he has doubts, and feels trapped he starts to talk to me about it but then backs away like he is scared. After reading the posts from this site I am beginning to understand why.

I have been attending meetings with him, and enjoy some of what I am learning but I refuse to let anyone control my life and i see that this religion thrives on that. They are already trying to change me through subtle "suggestions."

So what I need is your help. How do I get my boyfriend to talk with me to stop being so afraid??? I know his parents have a lot of control over him, they even try to come with us on our dates. How bizzare is that, we have to lie and say were going out with a group of friends. He's 25 and 22 and I feel like were in the first grade. But despite that I like him and I see that he needs help, especially after visiting this site, I know that this is something that is very deceptive. So any advice that you have would be appreciated.

Stacey

Hi Chainsaw,

Newbie - Brand new person. I think I am still a "newbie" too. It's ok, it's not a bad thing.

So you have been studying for a few months? All that I can say is if you are a strong willed woman as you say you are, this religion is not going to be good for you. Submissive is a favorite word of JW men.

Please stick around this board and listen to what other people have to say. If you see any red flags, follow your gut. Dont become his religion just because that is what he wants. Do what you need to do FOR YOU. There is a lot wrong with the JW religion. You will find that out as you go along perhaps. It's good that you came here. You need to get BOTH sides of the story, and here you will get the story from people who have left the organization. People whose lives it has toyed with. It's not really such an innocent thing as studying to appease another person. It will reach into the depths of your life.

Just check things out. And be YOU. Just my advice.

Take care,
Stacey

HoChiMin

Welcome Chainsaw;

Good choice to check on your boyfriends religion. One example I can give you is: pick a Saturday when normal people could be enjoying them selves and put on a long skirt ,dowdy shoes and walk to peoples doors and tell them they can live forever if they listen to the WT dogma. What you will not tell them (this is the real tricky part) they all will die ,even the babies every one that does not listen to them and ONLY them. Do this for the rest of your life and expect to shun any family or friends that leave the WT. Control! You haven't seen anything yet.

Hope that helps a little .

HCM

outnfree

Welcome, Chainsaw!

Your story sounds so damn familiar it's eerie!

I know a couple, about your and your boyfriend's age, where the guy got disfellowshipped around the time that he got serious about the girl. His family, of course, cut him dead -- VERY STRICTLY, none of this "family matters" leniency with the PO dad, pioneer mom & older bro, and sweeter younger bro. This brother was always gregarious and chafed under WT control.

HOWEVER, he missed his family very much, and so began bringing his g/f to the meetings. Eventually, they decided to get married. Out of all the Witnesses in his family, only one Grandma would attend. As he was df'd, his nuclear family declined to come.

His new wife was having a bible study (which I believe began before the marriage) with a pioneer sister who actually had the nerve to invite the wife to a social gathering of Witnesses to which the df'd mate was not invited.

The 'brother' FIRED that study conductor! Which caused a bit of a ripple in his reinstatement process, but he smoothed it over by saying that the study conducting sister was teaching his wife to be untheocratic by challenging his headship. Turns out the elder husband of the pioneer sister actually apologized for his wife's wrong actions. (Her contention was that the df'd brother was still OUTSIDE the Christian Congregation, and so could not properly be invited along.) But his point was that she was putting division in the marriage by asking his wife somewhere where he could not accompany her.

See what kind of a mess could happen?

The young brother is now reinstated. His wife has resumed a study with a different study conductor. I doubt she will ever get baptized and I wouldn't be surprised if the brother now does a slow fade so that he can keep in touch with the family. (At least I'm ferverently hoping so!)

Be very, very careful, Chainsaw.... this cult's tentacles are far-reaching indeed, and your boyfriend has many fears.

I hope you'll hang around.

outnfree

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Billygoat

Hi Chainsaw!

Welcome to the board! I'm sorry to hear that things are a little difficult on the home front right now. And well...if they aren't - they probably will be soon. JW and Non-JW relationships are difficult at best. Trust me. I was on your boyfriend's end of the line about 10 years ago.

You will find this board to be enlightening and interesting. I love it hear. I learn information about current JW life and I learn to practice compassion. You'll meet many that have tragic stories to tell. I hope you stick around. You'll be blessed 10 times over!

Billygoat

Sozo

Do what the others recommend to do and that is keep reading the posts here and the more information you get about this cult the more you will want to run from it - even if it means to leave the man you are dating behind.

I was a JW and dated an elder's son and we still had to lie when we were dating.

This religion is nothing but about control over family, people, lives, and the list goes on.

If you are looking for God - you won't find him there.

SixofNine

Hi Chainsaw,

Please be careful that you are not stumbled by this "newbie" Stacey. I can see by her comment about JW men and submisiveness that she is going to be just one more Jezebel influence on this board.

Just kidding, I welcome you both. On this board, calling a woman a Jezebel is a compliment.

Chainsaw, you asked:

How do I get my boyfriend to talk with me to stop being so afraid???

Coming from a woman, and a "spiritual" babe, as it were, you might do well to point out (mildly critically) his obvious fear. You have some leverage there, in that it IS ridiculous, and deep down, I mean REALLY deep down, he knows it. So use it, ask him, "you seem to get suddenly AFRAID to even talk about things, what can be the harm in talking about important stuff"?

Men hate to be shown up as being afraid, especially of things they obviously should not be afraid of. Of course, to be a JW man is to be slowly, steadily castrated. Fortunately, I requested the "freeze dry" plan, and was able to get mine back. Hopefully, it will all work out for the good with your boyfriend and he will realize what so many men who are fans of rock n' roll and cinema already know: 'Happiness is a warm Chainsaw'.

Prisca

HI and welcome Chainsaw

My advice would be to try to reason with him gently, asking questions that require him to think about his answer. Try to get him to think outside his square, and show him positive examples of couples that are not JWs.

Hope everything works out!

Disengaged

Hi Chainsaw

Cool name! Also to add to HCM post, Remember if and when you go "door to door" you are there for no other reason ULTIMATELY, to convert, or subvert, the householders faith if they have any! That is the VERY SHORT of it.

Shaneliza

Hi Chainsaw,
The JW "religion" is in reality a cult. They control every aspect of their members lives, even dictating what is "proper and normal" in the most intimate part of persons life, ie, sexual activity. If you are looking for spiritual guidance, you won't find it with them, as you wouldn't find it in any cult. Keep reading this discussion board and you'll find how much they've screwed with peoples lives, without a thought or care as to how their members would be affected.

whats a newbie

Share this