Spiritual Armor: The Facts
Dubs and their religious leaders are legendary for the incredible and astounding claims they make about themselves: they are the only "true" religion. They are the only group who will be saved from God?s murderous wrath They are the "oldest" religion which ever existed. God has nothing to do with any other faith and only reveals and works His will through the Watchtower Printing Corporation. Satan?s full-time job and the job of his millions of evil cohorts is devoted almost exclusively to screwing up dubs. The entire realm of all invisible superhuman spirit creatures (including God and Jesus themselves) is embroiled in a gigantic war of values and morals which is all centered on a little group of puny humans who are obsessed with buying and selling ever-changing and irritating religious propaganda.
Included in the midst of all these astounding claims made by the WTS and dubs is also this one: "Jehovah?s Witnesses are a "humble" people." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Few, if any, religious groups spend as much time attending "Bible" studies and studying "Bible-based" religious literature as do Jehovah?s Witnesses. Few, if any, religious groups spend as much time "teaching" the Bible to others as do Jehovah?s Witnesses. If one added up the weekly time spent in JW meetings, study for meetings and door-to-door preaching activity, it would not be surprising to conclude that over several decades, a person would have spent as much time as would be necessary to receive several Doctoral degrees in traditional religious studies.
Wow! THAT?S impressive! Or is it? For those of you who are interested in acquiring all of the vast Bible knowledge held by even the average Jehovah?s Witness, I have prepared my own course which is, er, pretty damn brief actually.
There is no doubt that the WTS believes thorough Bible knowledge is essential not only for salvation, but for "protection" from evil demons who are waiting to screw up Jehovah?s Witnesses at every opportunity. "Spiritual Armor?" is necessary to be able to thwart these attacks. That "spiritual armor" can only be acquired by studying Watchtower literature and (in moderation) also studying the Bible:
*** w99 4/15 18 How to Recognize and Overcome Any Spiritual Weakness ***
"To protect ourselves against our vicious foes, we are given a spiritual suit of armor?.The suit of armor provided by Jehovah God is, without a doubt, of the finest quality, capable of withstanding any kind of spiritual assault."
"Suit" of "Spiritual Armor..of the FINEST quality" provided by Jehovah God himself! Wow! What a great metaphor! As it turns out, that?s about all it is: a great metaphor. As we shall see, it would be more honest to say it is nothing more than a suit of the flimsiest scripturally-soluable cellophane.
Years ago, I developed a "Quickie JW Crash Course" so other people could learn what Jehovah?s Witnesses are all about. In only a dozen or so easy steps, I showed interested outsiders how the entire JW experience works: from the first knock on your door to the last boot in your ass as you are tossed out of the Kingdom Hall.
Today however, I will focus on that library of Biblical "spiritual armor" possessed by Jehovah?s Witnesses who have spent several PhD?s worth-of-time studying and learning Scripture. I will organize this library of knowledge into easy-to-understand topics for your reading convenience. These topics represent most or all scriptures known by the average Jehovah?s Witness.
Scriptures Used by Other Christians AND dubs:
John 3:16 -"God loves you." Of course, verses 18-20 go on to tell us that God will totally SCREW YOU UP if you don?t actually believe that God Loves You?.
Matthew 6:9-13 ? how to pray as taught by Jesus Christ himself. Jesus emphasized how we should "hallow" God?s name. In fact, it was so hallowed by Jesus that He didn?t even dare mention what that name was. Dubs forget that part and instead, slather God?s name all over the place, so much so that any "hallowing" or set-apart sacredness of that name is diminished by the redundancy of its usage.
Matthew 7-9 ? Sermon on the Mount (some good stuff for a change)
Exodus 20 ? the Ten Commandments. (This reference should only be used in moderation, since the original Ten Commandments from God have been replaced with the newer and better 10,000 Commandments from the Watchtower Printing Corporation.)
Galations 5:22,23 ? fruits of the spirit (pretty decent stuff here, too)
Hebrews 11 ? faith. Justification for believing a bunch of stuff that would cause any rational person to laugh his ass off.
What about Psalms chapter 23? Lots of other religions use that one. Not dubs. It doesn?t fit with their epistemological world view. It makes God look too nice for their tastes. They generally avoid that chapter, preferring chapters where God is shown in all his gory and vindictive splendor.
That about sums up the entire knowledge base of scriptures shared by dubs and other Christians: only 6 scriptures. Let?s move on.
Dub Scriptural Staples
Revelation 21:3,4 ? paradise earth and eternal bliss.
Isaiah 11:7 ? straw-eating lions.
2 Timothy 3:16, 17 ? justification for writing books which explain Bible scripture which in turn, just wasn?t able explain itself in the first place.
John 17:3 ? justification for book printing and book studying.
Matthew 24:14 ? justification for book selling.
Acts 20:20 ? the approved method of book selling.
Matthew 24, Luke 21, Mark 13 ? end of the world as we know it
Isaiah 43:10 ? how JWs got the name "dubbies." (hahaha!)
Ezekiel 18:4 ? soul sleep, no hellfire.
Ecclesiastes 9:5 ? the dead know nothing. Unfortunately, there are a lot of the living who don?t know any more than that, either.
Genesis 3:15 ? the Cosmic Wrestling match between God and the Devil.
John 1:1 ? no Trinity. For dubs to use this verse as proof of no Trinity, it requires their own unique doctored-up translation where Jesus was not stated to BE God, but only A god. Of course, that presents yet another dilemma, since the WTS teaches that there is only ONE "true" God. If Jesus is not God himself, but only A god, then he cannot be the "true" God. Therefore, Jesus must be a false god and Jehovah?s Witnesses by believing this verse end up being polytheists and are too braindead to figure that out.
Acts 15:28, 29 ? take no blood into your body. (Unless it is a fat rib-eye steak dripping with red juices which are made of nothing BUT blood parts. Are dubs so stupid they think those red juices are tomato juice or anything else BUT blood for heaven?s sake?)
Matthew 7:13,14 ? justification for teaching God?s mass murder of non-dubs.
Matthew 25:45 ? justification for the spiritual authority of Watchtower leaders.
1 Corinthians 6:9,10 ? justification to wreck the lives and families of dubs who don?t play by the rules.
John 15:19 ? justification to avoid doing anything worthwhile to help humanity and, except to sell their books, withdraw entirely from society in general.
John 10:16, Revelation 7:4 ? justification for their two-tiered religious system.
Isaiah 7:14 ? virgin becomes pregnant and bears a son named "Immanuel" who is never mentioned by that name again.
Isaiah 40:22 ? "proof" that the Bible is divinely inspired because it says the earth is round. Unfortunately, the ancient Hebrews had different words for "round" and "sphere." Therefore, this verse only shows that its writer thought the earth was shaped like a flat pizza rather than a round basketball.
Revelation 18:2 ? Babylon the Grape. Not used much currently. In past years it provided justification to spread JW hatred of all other faiths.
Daniel 4, Luke 21:24 ? Genital Times and 1914 all tied together by verses written hundreds of years apart and dealing with entirely different subject matters. This is also falling out of use among dubs due to the plain fact that those Genitals quit their "trampling" nearly 100 years ago and nobody gives a shit about them or who they trample anymore. This includes Watchtower Leaders who wish they?d never taught that crap in the first place.
That about it! Only 23 Biblical references. That?s the whole shebang! There may be a few more that I forgot, but I?d also bet that the average dub hasn?t even memorized all 23 references I?ve mentioned.
Now, while trying to remain modest here, when I was a dub, I was different. I really WAS a scholar. I spent a lot more time "researching the scriptures" and developing my spiritual armor than yer average dub. Due to my deep knowledge and scriptural understanding developed by my years of hard work, people would always come to me when they needed scriptural help. All-in-all and as I can recall, I knew at least FIVE more scriptures than my peers, including the elders!
So, after decades of work and study, dubs really turn out to be "scholars" armed with the "spiritual armor" of a pitiful few verses found among the many, many thousands of verses in the Bible. If they would only take to heart one simple and clear verse, they wouldn?t spend their lives wasting their time studying Watchtower publications and learning next-to-nothing:
"As regards anything besides these, my son, take a warning: To the making of many books there is no end, and much devotion to them is wearisome to the flesh." - Ecclesiastes 12:11, 12.
Good advice don?t you think, dubbies?
Farkel