How to Get an "X" Marked over Your House on the "Territory Map

by Evanescence 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Evanescence
    Evanescence

    Hi guys I found a hilarous joke,

    Every time they say "God," or the ever-popular "Jehovah-God" say "..or Goddess."

    * Go to the Sunday "Public Meeting" at your local Kingdom Hall to share the good news of your religion with them.

  • * Ask them if they think Jesus' feelings might be hurt when no-one partakes of the wine and bread at his memorial dinner.
  • * Attend the yearly "Memorial" of the Last Supper and actually drink the wine.
  • * Tell them you know they mean well, but you believe in a God "of love and forgiveness."
  • * Wear the national flag and start talking about how you're "proud to be an American" (or whichever country).
  • * Ask them what day the sun was created, since it is at once the source of light, the marker of days, the sun, and a star.
  • * Ask them how the "fruits of the spirit" are manifested by current news items regarding JWs (take your pick: protecting pedophiles, exJWs who go postal after being disfellowshipped and shunned, JW murderers and rapists, etc. Check the JW News page for the latest.)
  • * Ask them how proud they are that some ultra-right political Christians now share their views on Halloween.
  • * Ask them who Cain married.
  • * Remark that the rapid blinking of the "new light" might be a health hazard to epileptics.
  • * Ask them why the Watchtower Society is based in New York rather than in any holy city of the bible.
  • * Ask them about the recent "corporate restructuring" of the Watchtower Society.
  • * Ask them who owns their Kingdom Hall.
  • * Ask them to sit quietly and concentrate on their breathing.
  • * Ask them if independent thinking is still "against their religion." That is actually a prohibition of the group? "Awake!" indeed!
  • When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
  • Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop uninvited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
  • For males only: While you're talking with them, start putting on lipstick... and remark that you have a hot date.
  • Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?"
  • Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country."
  • A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
  • Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the forty-two children.
  • Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their loving-kindness and patience last.
  • Say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
  • Pick an oft-repeated word in the "approved lexicon" and giggle or say "beep" whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones.

    • Does anyone have any door-to-door jw stories? or tips on how to keep the jw's away from your house?

    My favourite joke out of the list is,

  • A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around... brilliant!

    • Evanescence

  • sweet tee
    sweet tee

    Evans - What a list ROFLMAO!!!!!

    I told this in another thread but in case anyone missed it. I had a plumber at my house on a Saturday - going in and out of the back door. He hollered into the kitchen "Jehovah's Witnesses" and I hollered back without skipping a beat "We don't want any". He said "you heard the lady".

    I thought he was joking, but that's really how I felt.

  • rebel8
    rebel8
    Does anyone have any door-to-door jw stories? or tips on how to keep the jw's away from your house?

    Someone (a non-JW) told me her teenaged son saw them working their way down the street. He turned off all the lights, lit tons of candles, donned a wizard costume from Halloween, and put on chant music. Then he just answered the door as normal and freaked them out.

  • Evanescence
    Evanescence

    LOL good one rebel8 I would of loved to see their priceless expression on their face!

  • EvilForce
    EvilForce

    Why go thru the hassle of having an "X" on your house. In 15 years I've never had a Jo Ho on my doorstep. Go figure. So much for being effective at preaching.

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    I'm putting a NO TRESPASSING sign on my house and plan on turning them into the elders/police if they disregard it.

  • ljwtiamb
    ljwtiamb

  • A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
    What a Sicko! That one made me laugh out loud.
  • luna2
    luna2

    I love the wizard costume one. Even when I was at my most dubby, that would have made me laugh.

  • lucky
    lucky

    My husband told me that when he was in college he and his roommate saw the witnesses coming down the street and they quickly put on black clothes and some eyeliner. His roommate grabbed a big butcher knife and stood at the top of the stairs and when the witnesses got to their house, my husband opened the door and instructed his roommate to "prepare the infant". Needless to say, they ended up on the do not call list.

  • crinklestein
    crinklestein

    It is an extreem rarity that one comes by the house but when one does I am never home so I can't say what I know will send them away thinking or shaking. But last month, while I was painting a vacant apartment (I do this on the side) I noticed a car pull up and a lady in a dress get out holding a big bag. I thought she looked like a JW and when I saw the mags in her hand my heart leapt into my throat and I tried to load up all the responses to the possible questions she could have. It turns out that she was just looking for the previous tenant to give her the magazines. Then she look around the doorway and saw that the place was empty and she said, "Oh it appears that she moved out."

    I said, "Actually she was evicted for having too many loud parties and disturbing the other tenants with her immoral behavior." This was actually the truth. :)

    She then said, "Oh, I see...well would you be interested in our latest magazines?"

    "Not in the least," I replied.

    "Ok then. Bye."

    I wasn't going to be a jerk to her because she was being pleasant but if she started in with her schpiel then I was going to say something that send her away thinking. You can't force them to change their minds but you can plant those little seeds of doubt that will sprout and make them start asking questions and trying to find answers.

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