No Solution Required.

by Englishman 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  My nearest and dearest told me something a few weeks back. Actually, I think I always knew what she told me, it just helped me clarify things somewhat.

  She says that when she tells me about something that has gone wrong with her life, she isn't looking for me to necessarily find a solution. She just wants to tell me about it. She says that men always try to find solutions to everything, then they get pissy if they can't find a solution, or even pissier if the lady won't accept the solution being offered. She says women just want to tell, they're not asking for men to DO SOMETHING.

  So there ya go, listen but don't do.

  Englishman.
• 

  FMZ

  Just another way those beautiful women in our lives tell us to shut up and listen!

  lol, I am guilty of the same thing Mike, always trying to figure out the solution.

  FMZ
• 

  LittleToe

  ~listens and nods, and gives a hug in the right place~
• 

  talesin

  English,

  Yes, this is true, and I'm not surprised that you 'get it', as a man who is progressive in his thinking and, from your posts about HL, sees his partner as a true equal.

  This is what I call an "Oprah-ism". She has been preaching it for oh, 15 years or so. It's oh-so true. If we want a solution, we will ask. Mostly, we are just wanting a sounding board, so to speak; a sympathetic ear, a nod, an 'mmm-hmm', or an affirmation that we are 'right' and the other party is 'wrong'.

  Bouquets to you for hearing that, and verbalizing it here!

  t
• 

  talesin

  Bouquets to FMZ and LT as well, and all the other males here (and there are many in comparison to the rest of the 'world', I'm not kidding!) who 'get it' as well.
• 

  target

  So True, so true. Every time I try to tell my husband about something he comes back with "What do you want me to do about it?" I tell him "Nothing! I only want you to listen". Well, after 39 years of marriage, he still can't get that simple understanding through his thick head. As my mother used to say, "That's the nature of the beast!"

  Target
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  LMS-Chef

  I think that was in women are from mars and men are from venus.
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  MerryMagdalene

  I get what you're saying...but I guess maybe I'm one of the odd few women (there are more than me, aren't there?) who are very solutions-oriented...

  Whan I share a problem I like to get constructive feedback. And when someone shares a problem with me my brain instantly starts trying to formulate possible solutions.

  I wonder if that means I need to start following LT's example a little more...

  ~Merry (of the let's-get-this-taken-care-of class)
• 

  talesin

  Merry,

  Me, too! I am more of a guy in that way. Tell me your problems, and I am a 'fixer'.

  Funny thing is, though, when I am on the 'telling of the woe' end, I want a listener, not a fixer, so I switch into a gal! hahahaha

  tal

  SNAFU klass
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  LittleToe

  It's one thing acting all italic, but completely another not to have the mind going ten-to-the-dozen working out a solution and biting the tongue