Elder keeping real reason priveledges taken away from own daughter.

by wordlywife 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  wordlywife

  My step daughter had her Pioneer priveledges taken away from her. The elders involved did not tell my husband what the real reason was for it. She had done something months prior and that is what elder discussed with him, but that wasn't the real reason, something else happened to make them remove her priveldges, which I won't go into here. One elder is supposedly my husband's best friend. My husband found out about the "infraction" from his ex wife, who didn't tell him what happened either right away, and she knew for a few weeks at least. My JW husband is seething. Is this common practice not to inform both parents, for Pete's sakes? He was not told the real truth behind ther removal of her priveledges, and I know this will probably damage their friendship. Never being a witness, I told him that I really don't understand how things are handled, but I also am upset for him in that being the girl's PARENT that he was not kept informed.

  ww
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  jws

  I was over 18 and still living at home. I got put on "private reproof". My father (mother had died) found out, but was never told why.

  Is your step-daughter an adult or a minor?

  I appreciate the elders keeping confidentiality. It's like when a Catholic confesses to a priest. They don't expect the priest to tell anyone. Even if that priest is best friends with their father.

  As for the ex-wife..., well, she is an ex. There's a lot of ex's that don't communicate with each other very well and that has nothing to do with being a JW or not being a JW.
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  wordlywife

  She is just over 18, so yes I guess the elder is to be commened for not divulging information to her Dad, and keeping confidentiality. What I find sad is that my stepdaughter would rather lie to her own father, or not talk to him at all about these things, and instead has to talk to elders and then get punishement from them. It seems to take parenting right out of the equation.

  Thanks for responding jws-

  WW
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  vitty

  If shes over 18 I dont think your intitled to know, as long as it doesnt effect you as a family. If your husband did something, and decided not to tell your daughter wouldnt it be wrong if the elders told her?

  This is the whole problem though, ppl judging other ppl !
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  Dismembered

  Greetings worldlywife, (great name btw)
  

  Those "elders"/taliban can, and will do, whatever the hell they want to. And rest assured they lie too. And where you are not a witness, they'd give no consideration to tellling you anything. No way Jose. They feel, (as they have been taught) that, the judicial decisions they make are of Divine Providence. Hence you have no need to know or worry. Isn't that nice! Now isn't that an arrangement you'd want to buy or put stock in.

  It's to bad you & your husband & daughter have to go through such BS. I'll say it again. That elder arrangement should be disbanded.

  Dismembered
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  LongHairGal

  Dismembered:
  
  I agree with you except for one thing: I'm not supporting ANY clergy!!
  
  LHG
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  Dismembered

  Touche

  LongHairGal

  Dismembered
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  wordlywife

  The whole thing seems so weird. I would hope my children will talk to me about ANYTHING, as I did with my Mom. It just seems backwards to "confess" to a BOE but not talk things over with your own parents thouroughly first. But, I've never been a witness, and husband and his grown children are (him since age of 18, his kids raised in it).

  Thanks all-

  Worldly Wife
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  The Thinker

  Anything that the BOE discuss's behind their locked doors is private and no one is entitled to know about it. IF one elder decides to tell someone something thats up to that elder, but the R&F are entitled to know and should never ask, regardless of Age. Of course I thinks its all BS, and no way will I let that happen to my yuong girls, I know from personnal experince and from speaking to other elders that they like hearing "juicy" stories, and then they have a good laugh.
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  tijkmo

  i woulda thought that if she was living at home they would expect her to inform her parents because she has brought reproach on them and it would be considered repentance on her part to ask for their forgiveness...plus her dad in this case would be responsible for her spiritual recovery