Per the Bible, a man who physically and verbally abuses his wife and/or children is not qualified to be or remain in any appointed position or to have any special privileges. Lack of response to counsel from the elders should end in the husband being disfellowshipped. Name one man in the Bible approved by Jehovah that beat, struck, verbally abused his wife. (Don’t tell me about the concubine’s husband…he’s a wimpy coward.)
If any man (and a few women) were to hit someone other than their spouse or children in this way, what would the elders do. If I went up to a sister in the KH and yanked on her hair so hard that I pulled some out by the roots, what would happen to me? If I kicked a child and/or swore obscenities at them every time I saw them at the KH, what would happen to me? Would the elders suggest to my victims that they pray and display the fruitages of the holy spirit more fully to prevent my behavior?’
The problem lies in that the elders are woefully unequipped to handle these problems. Special training is needed. While there is some good advice from the Bible and in the publications, elders ignore it or worse yet have never read it.
I speak from my own experience. Remember sisters (and some brothers) your life is involved and the lives of any children.
*** w99 2/15 8 What Is Needed for a Successful Marriage? ***
The Bible counsels: “Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you.” (Ephesians 4:31) …
In addition, Paul wrote that one who qualifies for special privileges in the congregation should be “not a smiter”—according to the original Greek, “not dealing blows.” (1 Timothy 3:3, footnote) He cannot be one who strikes people physically or browbeats them verbally. A person who is prone to become violent in a moment of anger is not a suitable marriage partner.
This counsel is totally ridiculous!
*** w88 11/1 22 When Marital Peace Is Threatened ***
Extreme physical abuse is another basis for separation. Suppose an unbelieving mate often gets drunk, becomes enraged, and causes the believer physical harm. (Proverbs 23:29-35) Through prayer and by displaying the fruitage of Jehovah’s spirit, the believer may be able to prevent such outbursts and make the situation endurable. But if the point is reached where the health and life of the abused mate actually are in jeopardy (by whose assessment, the wife’s or the elders?), separation would be allowable Scripturally. Again, congregation elders should look into charges of physical abuse when two Christians are involved in the troubled marriage, and disfellowshipping action may have to be taken.—Compare Galatians 5:19-21; Titus 1:7.
*** g88 11/22 8 When the Battering Will Stop ***
God’s Law and the Christian View
God’s law makes clear that husbands should “continue loving [their] wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation. . . . Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it.” (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29) This law supersedes all man’s laws, past and present.
Surely no Christian husband would argue that he still loves the wife he abuses. (This is a very typical response from husbands….”I won’t do it again.”) Would the wife abuser beat his own body—pull his hair and punch himself in the face and about his body because he truly loves himself? Does the wife beater freely tell others—outside family members, friends, other Christians—that from time to time he will beat his wife, inflict bodily harm on her, because he loves her so much? Or, rather, does he threaten his wife so that she will not tell anyone? Are the children sworn to secrecy by their father not to tell others about his abuse? Or are they ashamed to do so? Do not his actions belie his claim that he truly loves his wife? Love for each other is normal. Wife abuse is not.
Finally, if a Christian man batters his wife, does it not render all his other Christian works useless in God’s sight? Remember, “a smiter” does not qualify for privileges in the Christian congregation. (1 Timothy 3:3; 1 Corinthians 13:1-3; Ephesians 5:28)