Parenting - strict or relaxed

by TheListener 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • TheListener


    This was inspired by Satanus' thread about how can people leave the truth when they've been raised in it.

    I was raised in the truth, or as some say I was raised around the truth and made it my own when I was baptized. I know typical doublespeak from dubs.

    Which method of parenting will most likely result in your child being a stronger JW? A strict parent who enforces family study, meeting attendance regardless of health, regular service, constant spiritual talk inserted into daily life, having dub families over a lot and creating situations for regular association with dub kids of a similar age and not allowing association with school and neighborhood kids. (Whew!!!). - Wow, I just realized that must have been my parents roadmap.

    Or a relaxed parent that basically goes through the motions but doesn't make a big deal about things. Obviously some things are just a no-no - like Birthdays or Xmas. But, no family study, no regular praying, virtually no discussion of spiritual things (because any spiritual discussion means supporting JW doctrine - at least in a JW home), Being relaxed at meetings and not being concerned whether or not the young one is listening. etc, etc.

    Which method would raise the most devoted dub? I'm really not sure. At first I thought the first method for sure and the second method would obvioulsy not. But, in really thinking about it I think that just maybe if you raise your child to be relaxed about the dubs, they'll become more devoted because you haven't pushed it, they might do it on their own. If you push someone more, they tend to rebel and perhaps they'd leave the truth like some of us did.

    I just don't know.I'll await your responses.

  • zaphod

    strict/ relaxed?



  • love11

    The relaxed way-

    I've met some people that were raised that way and they didn't think being a jw was a bad thing at all. They thought I was being too critical. But then again, they didn't tell the kh about all of "sinning" that they were doing. Dummy me, I told the elders everything because I thought J god would punish me with bad luck.

  • whyamihere

    Both...I pick my battles and I stick to it!

    My children are very well behaved yet not like drones or frighten to make a peep.

    I have nice kids and alot of people compliment me on my parenting skills.


  • freedom96

    I grew up in a very strict witness household. My dad was an elder just about the entire time. No walking the grey line with them. It was all about the organization.

    My wife's family, were very easy going, with an elder dad and pioneer mom. I often refer to her upbringing in the hall as country club compared to mine.

    In both cases, none of the children are witnesses and never will be again.

  • TheListener

    Yes, that is exactly what I'm getting at. If being a JW isn't a complete pain in the a$&@ then perhaps they'll be less inclined to leave. It seems to be a catch 22. Make it strict and unbearable and they'll probably leave - but ruin their childhood in the process. Make it relaxed and shelter them from the strict rules and they'll probably hang around thinking it's not too bad - thus ruining their adulthood.


    I feel better now.

  • kls

    I was strict in something and relaxed in others . It depended on the situation but they never got away with much because if they would skip classes in school i would be waiting for them when they returned back to class,,,,,,,The looks on their faces were priceless

  • TheListener

    Just to narrow down the field. I am not talking about parenting in other areas of life. For example, talking back or being disrespectful to someone else. These things are not acceptable regardless of religious ideology. I'm specific referring to dub rules.

    For example, I wasn't allowed to say gosh or Jeez. I wasn't allowed to have school friends over nor to go to their house. I had a regular family study and I wasn't allowed to miss it or reschedule it for any (and I mean ANY) reason. I mean dub rules. If I said "luck" I would have been chewed out pretty good.

    If my parents heard me say to someone else "it's against my religion" I had to go back and explain why (yeah that pissed me off pretty good).

    That is the type of strict versus relaxed I really mean.

  • whyamihere

    Here is where I go!

    I don't really care if my kids say Gosh God or Jeezz! That is not a huge deal to me. I don't care if they swear(when they are older like teenagers).

    The only thing I don't want them to say is Hate I think it is more horrible then the word Fu*K!


  • jaffacake

    The only words I didn't want my kids to hear in their formative years were things like:

    • hate
    • fear
    • can't

    They didn't hear such vocabulary and even now rarely use it. I have some strong views on what they should and should not do, but I would not be dogmatic. They try to please their parents because we love and trust them so much. Being strict just causes deceipt and drives wrongdoing underground. I am very proud of my kids and love and trust them very much.

    Its the same logis as religion really, and the difference between Old & New Testament. The law of love is so much more effective than rule keeping. Its the meaning of life.

    Not really answered your specific question as I wasn't a JW.

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