doubtfully yours, that's exactly what I was thinking. This isn't about the poster's emotional attachment to this man, really. It's about the poster's responsibility to her child.
Hey, I've been there, done that. I know all about this type of scenario and it still stings when I read these stories. That said, I don't have children. Before someone goes taking up with some high-control "religion" and dragging their innocent child into the mix, I would beg them to know every single wart this group has, inside and out.
I am convinced that once you begin to understand the level of deception, manipulation and degradation that are benchmark of high-control groups such as this one, you would never want to endanger your child by joining up. Please refer to works of cult experts on this type of topic. You may find a leading cult expert's website at www.freedomofmind.com
In the meantime, my heart goes out to you. Far too many people know exactly what's it's like to be treated, even inadvertently, like the dirty little secret that he hides from his friends, family, and fellow cult members. Hurts like hell. I remember.
And the old cries of "I'm so torn". The wavering back and forth about being with you...not being with you...with you...not with... what will he do? What will he choose?
Personally, I particularly liked the part where I "deserved so much more" (which is really pretty interesting when you think about the fact that I was slated to be burned to a crisp- toast- a gal en flambe according to his groups religious rantings) How does that work?
Seriously, though, these situations are far more common than you think. Sometimes when I read these stories it's like reading the story of my own experiences... and it pretty much sucks to think back to how I felt at the time. Then again, I'm fortunate in that my story doesn't have the sad ending that has plagued so many others. Pretty rare, unfortunately.
I was going to say that if you wanted to put yourself through the wringer to go right ahead, but I can't. You have a child and your child needs you to do what's best for them. Beating yourself up and promising to enroll your kid in the freak-festival that is a destructive, high-control group isn't doing the best by your child. It's not okay. Do this for your kid. Make protecting your child the first priority end everything else will fall into place. (well, somehow or other).