Can you be "just friends" ?

by ScoobySnax 42 Replies latest social relationships

  • littlerockguy


    I haven't come out and told them but my mother knows (how could they not know?). I still have other things to deal with without having to deal with my ultraconservative parents right now besides Im not seeing anybody so I dont see the point.

  • littlerockguy


    you got a pm

  • CeriseRose
    In Canada you can marry same sex partner.... Viva le Canada!!! So my boyfriend will officially become my husband in 2 weeks :)

    Congrats by the way! I hope you'll both continue to be very happy together.

  • EvilForce

    I was in exactly the same position you were not that long ago. I always figured... why give up my family or make it an issue until I found the boy that was "the one". I wasn't going to give up my anchor unless I had something else to keep me centered.

    So I started dating my best friend of 5 years.... and 2 1/2 years after we are going to get married. He is the only one I've shared all my secrets with. All my "issues" with. All my shortcomings with. And he is still here loving me all the more because of it. I am so lucky!!! He never judged me nor ever presumed to tell me how I should feel about something. He has always been there for me. Allowing me to explore my anger. Encouraging me to delve into my family issues, even when it meant he was excluded.

    But anyway, enough about me...

  • EvilForce

    Thanks Cerise!!!

  • ScoobySnax

    Its all happy I know.........but... Why do you need to marry your boyfriend? Isn't that just conforming to heterosexual conventions. "Marriage" is surely between a male and a female. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for 2 blokes living together in harmony, and 2 women for that matter. But a "marriage" ......I just don't get that.

    Can't you confirm your commitment to each other without jumping on the hetero term bandwagon?

    I wish you well if it works for you anyways.


  • cruzanheart

    Scoob, if you look on marriage as (1) a commitment by two people who love each other, and (2) a legally binding contract made by two people who wish to share their lives together, then it makes perfect sense for gays as well as straights to be "married." AND for gays to have the same rights to medical treatment, insurance, and everything that hetero married couples have. Example: Our next door neighbors in our first house were gay and had AIDS. During the 8 years that we lived there, three guys died -- each one left the house to his partner, who subsequently died and left the house to HIS partner, etc. It was really sad to see how the families of these men treated the partners. One family barred the partner from seeing his lover die, barred him from the funeral and bitterly contested the will (and lost, I'm glad to say). That was so cruel, but at the time there was nothing that could be done. The partner had no legal rights. Yet those men had as loving and monogamous a relationship as we did.

    Sorry, I'm getting up on a favorite soapbox! Anyway, I don't feel that the institution of marriage should be limited to heterosexuals. Or maybe we should just make up a new word -- or use an old one: co-habiting, sharing a habitation.


  • EvilForce


    I felt the same way you did for years and to an extent feel that way now. My relationship is a private one with my boyfriend, and we have rules that govern our relationship that are not "typical" and we don't need to have someone tell us how we are supposed to live by a white sheet of paper.

    However, for legal reasons it is advantagous. We are also biz partners and have set up our medical practise to be owned by a Foreign Corp. structure. Believe me when I tell you as a doctor the #1 concern we face every day is frivolous lawsuits and someone trying to take everything you've worked so hard for.

    While I have set up as many legal protections for each of us as possible it is still nowhere near the legal protections you get from marriage. And while the US may not recognize these marriages to the full extent yet, I think one day in the next few years it will.

    I have no doubt that if I fell sick and needed blood transfusions or to have the "plug pulled" my parents would butt in and use every legal tactic at their fingertips to deny me MY wishes. Also, would deny me my end of life wishes I have spelled out.

    So here in my old age I have given into the hetero bastion of marriage. :)

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    1. Is seeing your Ex again just asking for trouble? Yes 2. Can a gay bloke and a straight girl really make it together? I was going to say Will and Grace to but someone has already said it. Anyway I can't see why not although it might get tricky if you ever want to date a guy. Try and explain that one to a potential date. Will

  • Nosferatu

    With the whole "friends" situation, I'm not sure how it works with homosexual relationships, but I can tell you how it works in a male-female relationship.

    It all depends on the circumstances:

    1) If a guy asks out a girl, and the girl says "I don't see you quite that way" or "I just want to be friends" she's trying not to hurt his feelings and she doesn't feel any attraction toward him. The same goes for a guy telling a girl this

    2) If a guy and a girl have been dating for a while and she gives him the "I think we should just be friends" line, she's easing her own feelings. If the guy should tell her, "No, it's finished", then she'll get emotionally flustered and begin reconsidering everything.

    3) If a guy and a girl have been dating for a while and HE tells her "I think we should just be friends", he's trying not to hurt her feelings (too much).

    4) If a guy and a girl have been separated for a few years, it is possible for them to become friends if all the "feelings" for each other have died down.

    Now, as for your situation Scooby, I had a friend (of 19 years) who treated me like your ex treated you. He was an asshole, treated me like garbage, screwed me around on the rent payments, and used sabotage to get me to do what he wanted. I've kicked him out of my life. Within the past 3 years, he's tried to "fix" our friendship by contacting me. Before I agreed to do so, I sat and thought about all the garbage he put me through. He tried to ruin my relationship with my wife, he posted a picture of us on the internet (on a site we didn't want to be on), screwed me financially, blackmailed me, insulted me, belittled me, the list goes on and on.

    I set his phone number ablaze and decided to never look back.

    He again contacted me and tried to guilt trip me about not inviting him to my wedding. I told him to never contact me again.

    You have the power to kick these controlling, manipulative, abusive people out of your life. They don't deserve the time of day for the trouble and pain they've caused.

    Also, I'm currently writing a song about how this ex-friend of mine screwed me around:

    You can belittle me, but now your sentimental chains are free.

Share this