My JW G.F.-- Told parents about wanting to marry me. UPDATE

by PAJA 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Dragonlady76

  PAJA,

  I have read your previous posts and have refrained from commenting because I know you love her, but the sad truth is that she is a JW and seems quite immature, if you proceed in this quest for her I have a very good feeling that you will end up a very miserable man in the long run thanks to the JW's treatment of unbelieving spouses. And also please consider the plight of your children should you decide someday to have some with her. I am truly sorry you are having to deal with this pain, sometimes you just can't help who you fall in love with.

  I don't think i ever posted to this because as someone married to a JW ,i can pretty much tell that you're life will be hell if you did marry . Even if she would say she no longer wants to be a JW and did marry you, many in time go back to the JW vomit they left when their life gets complicated and you would be left as the unbelieving mate who has no love for her God. I know you care for her but is this really the life you would want to led? If i knew what i know now ,i would run as fast and far as i could.

  Unfortunately it is true, in the long term you need to evaluate if this is a life you can live with. It will be a rollacoaster ride for both of you. She needs to go through the motions alone before she can wholeheartedly commit to a relationship with you. Believe me, as much as you love her now, you can believe us as a lot of us know, we've been there. I don't want to diminish the love you have for your gf, but I think you might find there are simply thousands of young naiive JW girls that you would be attracted to in a similar way, there is a definite appeal, you might even feel a need to save her in some way from the terrible pain and torment that is her life. But in the end she has to make that decision for herself, and until that happens she will not be able to commit to you in the way you want her to.

  I am sorry for you situation but honestly if she isn't mature enough to stand up to her parents she isn't mature enough to make the life commitment of marriage.

  PAJA the final comment by Eduardo should be most alarming to you, any adult that cannot make their own decisions without having their hand held by mommy and daddy is never going to be able to take a stand on anything. Best wishes. DL76
• 

  Jez

  I don't want to take your feelings of love for her lightly, but I think that most mature ones on this board will agree with me that there are many people that we can love in our lifetime. Who we 'choose' to be with, is a different matter.

  She is yanking your chain by insisting on holding all the cards. That is a JW ploy that they do without even realizing it. Making others run after THEIR affections. Ask any of us that have are disfellowshipped and are being shunned by family. They manipulate and hold over us our love. They want US to run after THEM. It is a very dangerous and hurtful game. Innocently, she is holding onto you for her own satisfaction, letting YOU run around trying to right the situation, yet she shows no displays of any 'unconditional' 'true' love. She is doing this by feeding you little morsels of love, little tokens of affections that you lap up like you are starving. How cruel to do to a person displaying real love. SO many of us have experienced being fed the morsels of JW love, it eats you alive inside out. I honestly don't know anymore if most JWs even know what it means to really really love someone. Their vision of love has been skewed.

  Let her go. As harsh as that sounds, it is what you really want in the long run....for her to come to you OF HER OWN ACCORD, not pressured by YOU or pressured by her PARENTS, but of her OWN DECISION. Who wants someone with them that will not stand up and FIGHT for the one they love? Not me. I am so sorry you have to go through this, but there are many lessons you will learn.

  Jez
• 

  jwbot

  This is bad. One, she is too immature to stand up for herself for one she loves. Two, if she did leave them for you then it will be a bad idea because she will go from dependance on her family to dependance on you. Its a bad mix. You have to just tell her you are stepping back and she needs to figure it out for herself. Dont let her string you along.
• 

  AuntieJane

  Show your maturity and leave her alone for awhile. Try to find some other people to spend time with. Put the ball in her court and let her communicate to you when and if she is ready.

  It is only for your own well-being, these people who have lived in a JW/NonJW relationship speak VOLUMES. Please listen to them. I TOTALLY understand how hard it is when you love someone so much. But, believe me, time does heal. If she is not mature enough to want to get out of under her parent's control, you need to be the strong one. Don't live a life of stress over this kind of situation; LIFE Is Much Too Short! Enjoy it.

  best to you,

  AJ
• 

  Es

  Hi PAJA I am so sad for you....i hope that your girlfriend realises what her parents are doing before its too late :( es