New UBM (UnBelieving Mate) tip of the day: Build Trust With Cult Idenity

by Check_Your_Premises 12 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Hey all.

  Any who have read my posts know that I am using Steven Hassan's, Releasing The Bonds to help me free my wife from the borg. One of the most important steps for a loved one of a cult member is to build trust with their loved ones cult identity. I have found it difficult at times to keep bringing up the org to my wife all the time.

  I came up with a new angle.

  As we all know, turning in service hours is a big deal with dubs. My wife told me that she has used time talking with me as service time. I saw this as a great angle for talking at length about the org with out arousing suspiscion, and simultaneously building up additional trust by pointing out that the time can be used for her service report.

  Try it out if you like it.
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  TheListener

  Nice point cyp. Keep up the good work. Hopefully your wife will listen and be glad you were so patient and kind.
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  jgnat

  I have recently found common ground talking about the significance of Jesus' sacrifice. The JW's give lip service to this idea, then quick-bait-and-switch talk about the wonderful promises of Paradise Earth.

  Try talking to her about what it really means to have her sins forgiven. Talk about how that forgiveness lightens her heart NOW. JW's are always waiting, waiting, waiting for their promises. They don't really expect to have any joy in this earth. Remind her that God is the I AM and is concerned with her welfare daily.
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  undercover

  My wife told me that she has used time talking with me as service time. I saw this as a great angle for talking at length about the org with out arousing suspiscion, and simultaneously building up additional trust by pointing out that the time can be used for her service report.

  While you're using the oppurtunity to try to get her to see the control she is under, she is using her time to count on her service report. JWs like to think that they are helping people but because they make so much effort to keep up with the time and make a big deal out of having good reports, she is being dishonest with herself and to those she is talking to.

  It reminds me of a scene of the movie, "The Big Kahuna" with Danny Devito and Kevin Spacey.

  Devito's character is lecturing a young co-worker on his evangelizing instead of trying to sell their product at a convention:

  "It doesn't matter whether you're selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.' That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch. And you're not a human being; you're a marketing rep."

  That describes JWs to a Tee. They try to steer every conversation back to their religion and/or their publications. They have been programmed to be full time marketing reps for the WTS all day, every day.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Sounds like the wife and I will be renting the big kahuna some time soon.
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  Crumpet

  Jez so does mine - groan!

  "Sweetie, it's a f***in cult, case closed
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  kls

  CYP ,my husband will not talk to me about jws anymore ,i think he talked to an elder who told him that i am an unbelieving mate and a apostate so i am off limits. : (
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  M.J.

  I presented too much damaging evidence so now she's kind of scared to talk about JW stuff with me. But otherwise we get along great. I guess I'll just have to wait a little to ease back into conversation. She wanted me to talk to some brother with a masters degree or something since she can't personally resolve the issues I've brought up...I either have to shrug this off, find a way to point out how foolish this is and how she's not thinking for herself, or agree to it and demonstrate that this guy doesn't have the answers either.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Well you probably want to back off on criticizing the wt. What about bringing up other groups that use mind control. There are a lot of religions that use the exact same arguments, claims and Bible verses. theholdemans.com has a great write up on "One True" religions.

  There are others as well. Iglesian Ni Cristo has some remarkeable similarities.

  Keep in mind, when I say similarities, I don't mean teachings necessarily. They are not cults because of what they teach, it is because of how they behave.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Have you contacted an exit counselor?