JWs and adoption

by bebu 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  Alana

  I was adopted by a JW couple when I was about 2 years old (in the early 60's). Mom said that there were some difficulties in being 'approved' by adoption agencies due to being a JW. I don't know the details. However, my adoption wasn't through an agency, but was a private one. My sister & I were going to be made wards of the State until our biological great aunt and uncle stepped in to keep us from going to foster homes. They happened to be family and JWs. Their best friends, my adoptive parents, were not able to have children and truly craved a child, so they asked if they wanted us girls and they chose to just adopt me. Unfortunately, soon after my great uncle died and his widow left the JWs for a while and I didn't get to grow up around my sister.

  Of course, being JWs, my folks didn't have much contact with their own fleshly family, so I missed out on that. I truly wish I had never been adopted by JWs. However, I loved my parents and didn't want to not have them....just their religion.

  Later, in the 70's, we had a couple in our Circuit who wanted a child very much and had trouble adopting....partially due to the JW religion and partly due to emotional problems of the wife. (I'm sure part of the emotional/mental problems were tied into being JW's). They did eventually adopt. If I remember correctly, I believe she wished that her adoption hadn't been to JWs.

  Most of the stories I have heard is that there sometimes is concern with JWs being adoptive parents, due to the blood issue and the being 'so different'. One of my former good friends (when I was a JW) couldn't have children and wanted to adopt, but the JW issue caused problems. They did, however, become foster parents for a while, but the State would have the authority to allow blood to the kids if necessary and if the parent objected to JWs religion, they were then not allowed to teach it to the kids or take them to meetings.

  "Alana"
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  Buster

  Sometimes I think we blow the blood issue out of proportion. It is fairly common for a neo-natal baby to need a transfusion. Though adoptions do not ususally involve babies of less than a few days old. There is no way a doctor, hospital administrator, judge, or birth mother would let some newly adoptive parents' first act to be to deny a necessary transfusion.

  Also, though the cases tend to be pretty high profile, it is very rare for an older child to die for want of transfusion. Do we agree?

  Now balance that with the needs of these children needing adoption. Anyone that has been involved with a state's social services programs, you know what I am talking about. These kids need a place, safe and committed to their welfare - and they need it now. When you find one of those places, and can get the kids out of the parade of foster homes, then you take it.
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  Dragonlady76

  Sometimes I think we blow the blood issue out of proportion.

  I would think you are in the minority regarding your veiw Buster. There is no way in hell that the JW's draconian and ridiculous veiws on blood transfusions are in any way shape or from acceptable, it's one thing to have your own kids and raise them in a cult, but to adopt an innocent child and bring it up in a cult with the possibilty of that child having to die due to blood refusal is not blowing things out of proportion, it is a very real possibilty. I have known people who died for blood refusal in the name of Jehovah, but a child? Give me a break! Kids do things to seek acceptence and please their parents, now ask yourself would a child not raised as a dub refuse a life saving blood transfusion? I agree that their are many kids in the care of the state and they need a home, but why put them into a JW home were they will be brainwashed and controlled? Further more these kids will not have friends, sleep overs, birthday parties, holidays, sports, academics,clubs and any sort of extracurricular activities, except field service. No they will have 5 hours a week to look forward to sitting at the boring a** kh and a bunch of back stabbing phony friends. Let's also not forget corporal punishment, JW's swear by "spare the rod and spoil the child" The state I know for a fact does not want corporal punishment used with these kids, but I can tell you from expirience that my aunt and uncle used corporal punishment on their two daughters, the sad thing is that these girls were hard to place because they were biracial, had been sexually molested and beaten. How this has affected them is yet to be seen. And heaven forbid these kids decide to stop being a JW, because we all know then that their adoptive parents love will only be conditional. Now is that healthy? I don't think the states want to take traumatized or normal kids and stick them in that kind of enviornment, and I applaud many states for taking a stance against the JW's and adoption.

  Dragonlady76
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  Dragonlady76

  Buster the above vent is not an attack on you, merely my veiw on this topic.

  Dragonlady76
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  Buster

  Dragon,

  I have no doubt I am in the minority. But the issue is a matter of establishing a balanced view. Very few that post here have been foster parents. I have. Fewer have adopted a child that had been in the foster care system. I have. Still fewer have dealt with those derelict biological parents and seen the hell that these children are in. I'll tell you this, the foster care families can be just as bad as the hell those kids came from.

  Don't try to compare that to making them put on clean clothes and sit quietly at meetings. Trust me, I am no JW defender, but having to go out in service is nothing comapred to a one-year-old left for three days without food, cleaning, or any other attention while the mother is out on a bender.

  Those with first-hand knowledge are usually in the minority.

  - Cliff
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  Dragonlady76

  Don't try to compare that to making them put on clean clothes and sit quietly at meetings. Trust me, I am no JW defender, but having to go out in service is nothing comapred to a one-year-old left for three days without food, cleaning, or any other attention while the mother is out on a bender

  For this reason these kids are taken from their parents, and the goal should be to place them in a as close to possible "normal" warm loving enviornment. Once again I will say that a JW home is not a "normal" enviornment. These kids need a very stable, stimulating and safe home life. I am not saying that JW parents are bad, but what I am saying is that why take them from one bad enviornment and stick them in a mentally trying and damaging enviornment with the possibity of a dangerous situation? ( Can mean blood refusal or having kids unknowingly come into contact with pedophiles. ) I'm sure you adopted with the best intentions and you have done a beautiful thing in helping a child, but remember that their are many other prospective JW's wanting to adopt out there that may not be as sympathetic or level headed as you are. So once again this puts you in the minority, in this case a very good one.

  Dragonlady76