Fighting experience?

bebu

The other night our son confessed that he had been in an after-school fight last Friday. Some small kid was irritated with my son (who's nearly 14) and called on the services of a big friend to beat up my son. (I actually saw the fight (sort of) as I drove past the school that day to go do errands, and pondered on whether I should stop... I didn't... because I actually wasn't sure it was a fight; it was a lot of kids in a loose crowd). I wasn't home when my son came home, so he went out to play basketball with his friend at a nearby elementary school. (Oddly, I drove past the school on my way back home from my errands and looked to see if my son was playing, but it was too far to tell.) He then called me from his friend's home and got permission to spend the night, so I never saw him till late on Saturday, when most of the swelling had gone down.

Anyway, my husband was angry that this small guy is such a twerp that he can't fight his own battles. As for me, I must confess I felt a twinge of secret pride that my son ended the fight by eventually putting the boy in a headlock (something I taught him, and something that isn't so dangerous). My son did not get into any trouble at home (though he admitted to throwing a few punches in self-defense and therefore sharing some blame).

We learned that his punishment was one day of in-school suspension (spend one day in a small room where he does his work). I guess he had a lot of witnesses to support his story. The big kid got 5 days out-of-school suspension, plus some juvenile detention. (My son was positively exulting over this.) And I wonder if the small kid got punished? I will ask my son about it when he comes home today.

Well, anyway... What have you learned FROM EXPERIENCE about the best ways to handle fights, either as the victim or as a parent? I was ambushed once after school when I was 8, and my parents called the other girl's parents, and she was in big trouble at home. But that's the whole extent of my personal experience. Boys seem to have more tendencies to fight.

bebu

whyamihere

Well Fighting is not the Christian thing to do....Bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!

All I can say is I don't want my kids to start fights...however they may end them.

Brooke

franklin J

as a boy growing up I was in my fair share of "squabbles". It is definitely a boy thing.

My parents never taught me to fight; to defend myself; yes, but not to fight. They based their instructions on the Christian motto - "turn the other cheek". As a result I was usually pummeled; and walked away to find a teacher to speak to . That action cost me the respect of my peers. The philosophy carried with me into adulthood and it took some tough experiences ( not fights) to teach me to be "assertive"---a very different perspective than being aggressive. And light years differnt then "turning the other cheek".

In response to this I have taught my son to fight back --not as an agressor--but as self defense. I think it is important for "the other kid" to know that the victim will "fight back" and inflict some damage. Most of the aggressive kids are bullies anyway, and will back down when they realize that they do not have a scared victim.

As for the school, they understand the difference between "picking a fight" and " self defense".

Frank

Tuesday

Well, I had an expirience about two years ago where two much bigger guys (one about 6'5 the other 6'6 and the smaller of the two was 280 lbs.) nearly killed me in a fight. Since then I took a bunch of MMA seminars and read alot about the subject including a subscription to grappling magazine. So I basically taught myself to hook fight, well. What worked for me last time I was provoked into a fighting situation I basically told the guy what I was going to do to him. I said I was going to pop his quad muscle, I know how to do it, so I had the confidence to back it up. He backed down almost immediately. So I would say confidence and not backing down is the way to avoid a fight, if the other person thinks you're going to win the fight, and mess them up most times people back down.

tijkmo

i was taught to turn the other cheek...fortunately for me i was a fast runner...but i was studying with a witness mothers boys and one of them was getting regularly beaten up at school and his mother was telling him he was taking one for the team....well ok one maybe but surely not every other day...so i did some research and found that the bible does not say you have to take whatever someone gives you but allows you to lash out in order to get out...the understanding of turn the other cheek applies to insults not to muggings beatings rape...you do not have to take that....weaved it into a public talk...next time boy gets attacked at school he hits back..he was a big lad..he only had to do it once

Seeking Knowledge

I agree on the difference between picking a fight & defending yourself.

When my brother was little, he came home one day from school crying, my mom asked him what was up & he said that a girl beat him up. My mom asked him what he did & my brother said "nothing, I can't hit a girl" so my mother proceeded to ask him who told him that!! She went on to tell him that picking a fight & hitting a girl is wrong but she never told him that defending himself, be it a girl or a boy was wrong. He was pretty happy to hear that.

I teach my kids that hitting in anger is wrong, but hey, if someone is pummeling them, I don't expect them to sit there & take it. I've only got experience from having little brothers & fights, and while my mom took concern with any injuries (they were usually minimal) she found it best to stay out of kid squabbles. They never escalated past a hit here & there and usually they kids would be friends again the next day. OF course that's different these days isn't it? Hopefully when my son is in school and goes thru this, I'll be able to take the same path & step in only if it's absolutely necessary, and then deal with the problem first hand!

SK

bebu

Well Fighting is not the Christian thing to do....Bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!

"Fighting is not the Christian thing to do"... isn't that right after the Bible verse that goes, "Cleanliness is next to godliness"?

bebu

TheOneBuck

Well obviously it is always better not to fight, but face it there are times when you have to throw down. Thankfully I was never picked on, but the neighborhood I came from was pretty rough I learned to fight back. I was never punished for defendig myself even if I got in trouble at school. Thnakfully my dad was not raised in the truth and he has some understanding of the real world. Actually he is the one who taught me and my brother to fight (special forces in the Marines). Plus the fact that me and my brother are the runts of the family at 6'3" and 6'4 220-230 a piece helps a lot too.

confusedjw

Well coming from a guy who has lost serveral fights in his life: (Motto never fight with anyone smaller than you and always shoot mouth off to bullies)

My words to him would be to be aggressive very quickly in a fight situation. Most boys don't actaully want to fight if there is a chance of getting hurt. Putting some hurt on them quickly reduces the chance of them wanting to fight.

If the kid comes up and pushes him in the chest - punch him in the face. You *might* take a wooping, but for the most part you will be left alone once they realize you can't be bullied.

talesin

As for me, I must confess I felt a twinge of secret pride that my son ended the fight by eventually putting the boy in a headlock (something I taught him, and something that isn't so dangerous).

My parents were pacifists. I didn't know how to fight, and was beat up at school daily. This being a carpet carried over into my adulthood. It took me years to recognize the problem. But I am carpet no more. ;)

It's important to teach children how to defend themselves, and fight if need be.

tal

* smiled when she read the above quote -- right on, bebu! *

Fighting experience?

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