Then and now - dating practices

larc

I was in high school from 1954 to 1958. We did not have junior high at that time. We had grades, 1 though 8, and high school 9 though 12.

At any rate, we were encouraged to shop around and date several people, just like the rest of society. We were NOT told to date someone with marriage on our mind.

We also had parties. Usually, there no adults in attendance. We danced to rock and roll and we slow danced, right close. There was no drinking or drugs involved, just a good time was had by all.

I remember back in the late 60's or early 70's when they changed the rules. I thought that was a disaster.

jillbedford

I grew up in the 80's. We had the book, "Your Youth, Getting the Best Out of It". This was referenced whenever dating questions came up. In this publication, it was made clear that we do not date without marriage in mind. We were to start dating at a marriagable age only. A Watchtower came out with the suggested age of 22 or 23 years old. All dates were to have a chapperone to prevent any inappropriate conduct.

Needless to say, this meant no dating.

So all dating was done per double life, in secret, no chapperones. I was a regular pioneer at the time with a full time job so I did not get into much trouble anyway. But even if I was to meet the "perfect" brother, by my parents set of standards, I could not date him anyway. I was only a few steps short of arranged marriage.

I moved out at 18. I got caught kissing a brother at 19 and was asked to step down as a pioneer. I appealed this to the CO. He said no need to step down, just move away so I could not see this brother again. I took his advise and moved.

I met another brother, we kissed and went the direction of heavy petting. Given my good Christian conscience, I told the elders about it and they asked me to step down as a regular pioneer. I was 20. I had been seeing this brother for 12 weeks. We were encouraged to get married or break up. We chose to get married. We got married at the courthouse. We were married 11 years, then divorced. That is another long story.

larc

Oh, my Gawd, you kissed? What a horrable crime. Not only did my wife kiss, but we engaged in heavy petting. We did not do the horizontal bop. We were both virgins when we married, althogh we were questioned about this before our wedding. That is a story for another day.

larc

OK, here is the story. I selected a man to perform the wedding ceremony. He was bright and articulate. Before the wedding, my wife was in the basement of the Kingdom Hall, getting prepared for the wedding. Well, the brother who was about to give the wedding ceremony, asked me to go downstairs, so he could have a chat with me and my soon to be wife.

Well, I agreed, and we went down stairs. His purpose was to ask us if we had had sex before our wedding. We were shocked. Now, let us supose that we had. What would he do? Cancel the wedding. The Kingdom Hall was full with friends, relatives and of course a lot of JWs. Was he going to cancel the wedding in front of all those people????

That is a day I will never forget. I am ashamed as to how we were treated.

Poztate

I remember back in the late 60's or early 70's when they changed the rules. I thought that was a disaster.

They really started to overdose on Stupid pills along about then.They really urged the no dating thing unless you had marriage in mind. You were supposed to stay in small groups and never pair off. I once tried to ask a girl out ...A FIRST DATE. She turned me down because as she explained it...she was not ready to get married. PRESSURE...

I also remember an article where they advised against..HOLDING HANDS because before you knew it that could lead to fornication.We accepted all this council as coming directly from god and most of us never thought to question it.

Valis

We accepted all this council as coming directly from god and most of us never thought to question it.

no wonder you are Pozdrunk...

Poztate

no wonder you are Pozdrunk...

Back then I wasn't .I was a fine upstanding brother that any good sister should have thrown themselves at in an instant.

I do believe they have changed their stance on hand holding. I think now they have come to realize that when you are holding hands at least you know where they are

larc

Hey brother Poz, That last sentence cracked me up, where the hands are. I loved it.

Bonnie_Clyde

Larc, I was a year behind you in high school. You are exactly right. We didn't have all those restrictions back then. Yes, we had fun parties and all my witness friends actually behaved themselves at least by our standards back then. I do remember kissing. Petting? I don't know about my friends, but it didn't happen with me until I was engaged. However, back then the only thing that would lead to disfellowshipping was fornication which then was defined as intercourse. Petting was described as "loose conduct" but that was between you and God. I asked God for forgiveness and everything was OK. It wasn't required to go to the committee (they didn't have elders back then).

We didn't totally enforce the new rules (chaperoning) on our children when they were growing up in the 80's; two of our children were publicly reproved (for petting)--only because they were honest. Several of the kids in our congregation were excellent liars and managed to avoid punishment.

Crumpet

I was thinking about this this very morning on the way to work. I was looking at all the young boys - dressed up in their casual clothes for college (I mean sort of 16-19 - legal!) today, as today is a bit charity day called Comic Relief in the UK and the kids can wear "mufti" clothes.

And I was thinking, as I looked out of my train window, how cute they looked and how angry I am that I missed out completely on ever dating boys my own age when I was young and innocent. My parents would have my younger sisters follow me everywhere, and I mean everywhere, from when I was 12 to 16 to make sure I didn't get up to anything. I'll never get that back - I'll never be 15 and kissing another sweet clean rosy cheeked 15 year old boy at the end of a trip to the cinema, with no guilt attached.

I am so sad I missed out on that.

Then and now - dating practices

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