From the files by request: JWs & 'discipline'

by Mommie Dark 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  waiting

  Hey Billygoat,

  Haven't heard "the Buckle" account here - except in our family. It was The Ultimate Threat. "You keep that up and you'll get The Buckle this time."

  My father was a somewhat homely atheist, not much in the humor department, but he lifted weights, etc., etc. He also was the main one to administer The Belt - which was 2 inches wide, black, with a huge silver buckle. Mom seemed to scream a lot in retrospect (a Catholic). All three of us children have faulty memories about our parents. Go figure.

  My dad administered The Belt the same as your father - with pants down. When I was in therepy, that was one of the first questions I was asked - when my father whipped us (for it surely surpassed a spanking - we got those too) did he make us undress? I looked surprised and asked why? Because then it took on the ramifications of a violent sexual situation and not child discipline.

  Who were we to ask questions like that? When I told my therepist, quite calmly, about The Buckle and it ending up around my sister's neck ( she was laying on the bed and he "missed" her butt) leaving a large welt on her neck, my therepist almost fell out of her chair. "Are you telling me that you don't think that this was child abuse?" My answer - "Noooooooo? It was just the way we got spankings."

  I went home and called my sister, who remembered the situation. I knew about it because my parents made me watch her whippings so that I (being younger) would have an example set out for me.

  I asked her if she thought Dad beat her that time. She said "Nooooooo, .........."saying the exact same words as me. Perhaps that was the way our parents justified the beatings to us - and we absorbed their viewpoint.

  Btw, I have 3 grown kids, my sister - 4 grown. All kids with varying ups and downs, kids of their own - successes in varying degrees. My sister has 6 beautiful grandkids. I, *sigh* have none - so far.

  Did we repeat the violence? No. Were we Almost Perfect Parents? Not hardly. Speaking for myself, my views of punishment, love, affection, protection, all were warped - actually, once in a while, for the good of the kid. But nonetheless, not as the *average* person sees things. Not all the time - just sometimes, and sometimes no one knew, not even me.

  Could I have done better? Absolutely. If any parent tells you otherwise - be careful. Some days, months, decades, - I just tried to survive. As the old saying goes, babies/kids/teenagers don't come with a "How To"....manual. At least back then.

  But we did survive - and we did better than our parents. That fact I'm sure of. I believe, in some ways, our parents did better than their parents (I've heard the stories of their atrocious beatings received.) Hopefully, our kids will do better than us with their kids. I think that's the positive spin on all this. Absorb, go on with life, and do a little better.

  Sorry about your experiences, but kids who grow up with violence don't always resort to violence of their own. Just something to think about.

  Take care.

  waiting
• 

  reagan_oconnor

  Geez... I thought we had it bad...

  My Mom, the "good elder's wife" that she is, was fond of the wooden spoon. I remember once she smacked my sister so hard on the butt that there was a bruise in the shape of the spoon.

  Wouldn't you know it, something happened to Sister and they had to taker her to the E.R. Mom said later she was so paranoid that one of the doctors would see the bruise and think she was abusing her children....

  ...um, maybe that's because she WAS!!!

  I stated in an earlier thread that I'm all for punishment, but the punishment should fit the crime. I believe in spanking, but only as an absolute last resort. And never with a belt or a wooden spoon. For God's sake. And we wonder why we live in such a violent society...

  <shaking my head>
  Reagan

  I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.
• 

  somebody

  Mommie Dark,

  I don't believe for a second that the stories were fabricated. I was hoping and praying that things changed over the years. Looks like my hopes and prayers didn't do any good. I didn't want to say this because it's hard to say and it was a VERY painful and cruel thing to do to KIDS. But the person who said that their father grabbed them by the hair and banged their heads together? I know what that feels like and how painful it is. I saw the stars. Not at meetings or in a hall, but at home. Home was not where the heart was where I grew up.

  peace,
  somebody...who hopes that someday a media show puts reporters in a KH and repots back to the public what kind of abuse goes on, as the pedophiles are exposed.

  For once I'm not back to edit for spelling mistakes. I'm back to say that that kind of abuse is SO degrading to a child. I would have chose to rot in a gutter before I ever would do anything like that to my children.
• 

  somebody

  billy goat and waiting,

  my heart goes out to what you both had to endure. I mean that from my heart.

  peace,
  somebody
• 

  waiting

  Hey Somebody,

  Thanks - and I mean it.

  I think most familes have dirty secrets, perhaps only once or twice when a parent looses it, or once a month, once a day. Severity would depend on perception and the law, I guess.

  Doesn't always have to be the kids, sometimes one of the parents, usually the mom. Sometimes the animals, sometimes the old people.

  People tend to be violent, especially if they think God wants them to use physical force. Always exceptions, but statistics of reported abuse and deaths confirm it.

  An interesting study was done on some Death Row Inmates. Not all of them had been sexually abused - but all of them had been physically abused - violently - as children.

  The researchers thought that was the common denominator - violence begets violence, in a lot of instances.

  If the grown child doesn't turn to violence, in some ways - they just seem to view the world oddly, more or less.

  Thanks again, somebody.

  waiting