if gf throws an ultimatum, what should one do? scary question........

by Buck 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    You're not that invested just yet. Walk away while you can.

    Separate the emotions from your reality now that you still can.

    She'll move on and so will you.


  • LittleToe

    Actually the ball was in her court and she threw you out with it.
    If you have decided that Baptism is not for you, then she's just ditched ya...

    Sorry dude
    (((group hug)))

  • Nosferatu

    You shouldn't need to change for somebody. She should love you because you're a great guy, not because you're studying with the JWs.

    if gf throws an ultimatum, what should one do?

    Either hang up the phone or walk away and tell her to call you when she's done freaking out. Don't let her control your life decisions. Trust me, being a JW is a life decision. You spend your spare time studying, attending meetings, and going door to door. You have no time for your passions, hobbies, or even your favorite TV shows.

    If you don't want to join the religion, don't. Nobody has a gun to your head. The only thing luring you is your sexual desire for your JW girlfriend. Unfortunately, you need to be committed to not only her, but her religion before you can have wild pig sex with her. Also, the wild pig sex is conditional. No oral, no anal. You must be boring in the bedroom. Sex becomes as bland as reading the same crap Watchtower doctrine every week.

    A relationship with a beautiful woman with a fantastic personality and dynamite body who is NOT a JW wouldn't be nearly as conditional. You don't need a marriage vow and a baptism to have sex with a worldly girl.

    Love isn't conditional, nor is it everlasting. Time can cause love to fade.

  • Geminal Amine
    Geminal Amine

    Oh dude !

    she and everyone privy to your dilema will remind you forever that you did it for her.

    eyes will be perusing your actions and descerning motives under the assumption that soon you will show your true colours and turn bad after marriage, because you did it to get her.

    i would ask all the hard questions now to the elders regarding your doctrinal concerns. they will treat you differently than if you were asking them as a baptised brother, so you can get away with more and be more direct. her true colours and that of the religion will soon thereafter become manifest and that will leave you in a better position to make a decision either way.

    alternatively you could and i would recommend should find another park to play in and RLH.

    geminal of the did it myself class

  • LittleToe

    Incidentally, I once received an ultimatum from a JW g/f - I walked...
    ...it was a good move, and I met the woman who would later become my wife within a year...

    ...that didn't turn out so well, in the long run, after I left the JW's...

    ...but, well, I guess what I'm just trying to say is that you'll live...

  • Fleur

    I'm sorry that you are going to be hurt by this relationship, no matter what you do. Better, really, to get out now.

    Think about this: if you do convert (even just for show) think of what will be expected of you. She will get angry and resentful if you don't 'take the lead' spiritually. The WTS will control your whole life, are you willing to give up everything unique and enjoyable in your personality and life for that? Love isn't enough in this case, and believe me, I'm as hopeless a romantic as they come.

    Imagine you do get married. The WTS controls your sex life, as was already brought out, and everything else. Then, imagine you have kids. Do you want to have to raise them with the same narrow version of reality that your gf has?

    It just won't work. Better to save yourself the worse heartache that will come later. I promise you.

    Run far and fast. I'm so sorry for your pain.



  • lonelysheep

    Leave her! Save yourself! There are so many women out there..I'm sure you will run into at least one who is truly the one for you. Otherwise, you and your girlfriend will spend your entire marriage with very different goals. That'd be fine if hers didn't control her life and try to control yours, too.

    You showing any sign of wanting to be a jw is just adding fuel to their fire of gaining another person in the troof. It's obvious her religion is more important than your relationship. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that's the reality of the situation.

    I started studying when I was already engaged. We had been together for 4 years and had an infant when we tied the knot. Ever since then, I was constantly told how I can win him without a word with the hopes that one day he'll come to serve Jehovah. My husband has always believed in God, but wanted absolutely nothing to do with religion...for that, I'm soo grateful! Anyway, he told me flat out he was never going to become a jw, and he stuck to his feelings.
    I always asked if he wanted to go meetings with me and the (now 2) kids; as usual, he said no. I felt like he was not being as much of a man as he should be...that he wasn't leading his family on a spiritual path. Eventually, I grew to feel such resentment toward him, but still had to be this dutiful wife, while he got to be worldly and enjoy watching The Sopranos. I grew to feel so alone and that he could never measure up to all the men in the hall. During this time, although it was known that I was studying, jw's would come to the door to witness to him, which he hated! It was a neverending pursuit to recruit him.

    Whenever we'd be with my jw friends, he was constantly witnessed to. There was hardly such a thing as discussing last night's football game! After more parties, he made me notice that he was always the only one there who wasn't a jw. He told me he didn't know how much longer I'd want to be with him since he wanted nothing to do with the religion. Now I understand why. Once I started trusting my gut and my doubts about the WTS were confirmed, I quit attending meetings and having a bible study (never got baptized, but was getting close), and I don't see him as this worldly person anymore, but as my husband.

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    I married and lived in an unhappy relationship for 18 years. My ex was a devote Jdub but I wasn't. I was living a double life trying to make her happy and it doesn't work. You have to want to get baptized for yourself, not for anyone else. She has too love you unconditionally and if she can't then walk away. It will hurt at first but you will be happier in the long run. Believe me there are lots of nice girls out there that would accept you for who you are.


  • Purza

    Please try to think with your brain, not your heart. Your heart is telling it will hurt to leave -- hell yeah it will hurt. I have had my heart broken and I thought I was going to die. It was the worst time in my life -- but I survived it. And so have many others. I know that may not be very comforting, but just know it is possible.

    Issuing an ultimatium isn't showing love to the other person. I caution you -- please don't get baptized -- you may/will regret it in the future.

    Best to you.


  • The JellyBaby
    The JellyBaby

    She's looking after Number1...and wants things to be 'just so'. This will continue to be the case. When you do finally rock the boat...she'll get all the pity, and YOU will be the selfish one that ruined it all. Love is love, regardless of shape form or situation.....unless of course she has to please others expectations.

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