I need help...really really bad...

by crazzae`face 18 Replies latest social relationships

  • crazzae`face

    I'm almost to the point of an emotional breakdown. I go out with this guy he's 20, a JW and I'm a 16yr. old non-Jw. He basically breaks all the rules in the book; Adultry, Sex;oral, drugs, drinking, partying, he's even growing a little chin,bottom and top lip hair. We've been dating for 4 months now. I can tell he REALY loves me and i do to but i know i'm never going to convert for him. He goes to meetings 3 times a week, sometimes doesnt go. He got expelled for drinking and driving, partying. He seems to believe deeply, but his actions just arent saying the same. Theres so much emotions envolved. I never met his mom or dad, but his younger siblings, yes. He says well meet soon. He was telling me about one time when he was doing card tricks, and then he said but i stopped, and i said well thats crazy to stop something that you realy had interest into, and he said well thats why were never going to get married, it's almost like he's doing this religion for his Family, He used to be a Catholic 10 yr.s ago but i guess he said his family wanted to change. I've got so much more to say...someone please, please write to me...I neeeeeed some advice....I wanna know if i can somehow through his emotions bring him to reality...but i know either way hes having trouble dealing with his prob.s cuz he drinks. And if he were to change he would feel all alone ect. i know all about that but I know ive been puting some impact on him "somehow" becasue he's starting to talk to me about when he's upset about that things I do...when I do it instead of just ignoring it, leaving it inside then going off and drinking it away. Please someone help.

  • confusedjw

    craz -

    I'm sorry sweetie, but you are up against a very large and powerful cult. Yes, even those who do "wrong things" as JW's will still believe with all their heart that they have the only and absolute truth.

    The ONLY chance you have of freeing this boy from this religion is by getting him to think about the things which can't be true. I doubt that you are prepared for the challange that that will bring.

    But in all honesty is his family is in you might just want to start thinking about running.

  • Valis

    Go talk to your parents about your feelings and be lucky you don't have parents like his.


    District Overbeer

  • Dustin

    I don't know if you're ready to hear alot of the advice I would give you. As a big brother to my sister, I would have a problem with a twenty year old guy dating her when she's 16. But we'll leave that issue alone right now. The problem I'm seing with him reminds me of alot of the problems I went through when I was 20. As a witness guy, I had a girlfriend (now my wife) that wasn't a Jehovah's Witness. I also drank alot. I was depressed often due to the stress the religion put on me, and my girlfriend. She eventually converted for me. I'm not yelling when I put this in caps - DON'T CONVERT FOR HIM. I only did this for emphasis. Because it sounds like he already has his doubts. What I suggest is this, if you want to help him with his religous doubts have him talk to some of us on this website. We can help him see it's not what the Witnesses call "The Truth". I live in central Wisconsin so I know about the problems of alchoholism. I've been there. It's nothing to mess around with. When the bottom of an alchohol bottle starts becoming your best friend it's time to get help. I hope this helps you out some. If you need somone to talk to you can use the personal mail on this website, to ask me anything you want. I have a little sister who had lots of problems with drugs, alchohol, and bad choices. But what I would really suggest is to take a step back for a second. Your 16 years old. Don't do anything now you will probably regret later. I hope this helps.


  • Incense_and_Peppermints


    where do i start? wow. i'm sorry you're so sad. i hate to tell you this but he's not going to leave his 'religion' any time soon. my niece was like him, secretly dating non-jw boys, boys who she never brought home to mom & dad. when we reunited one time, she begged me to come meet this guy she was seeing, and when i met him he said wow i can't believe i'm actually meeting one of her relatives! see i was ok to meet him because i'm no longer a jw and she knew i wouldn't disapprove or rat her out to her family. she dated him for a while, then went back to the jw's and dumped him like a hot potato. i'm not saying your boyfriend will do that to you, 'cause i don't know him or you. maybe step back a little bit... you know, don't be so readily available to him, and on his terms... make him come to you and fight for you, because everyone deserves someone who gives their whole heart, not just little pieces.

    stick around, there's lots of people here who can help. luv, me

  • Joker10

    First of all, the guy is not a real Witness. He is just fooling himself. You have a lot to learn. I know you mean well trying to 'help' him, but the truth is no one can change another person.. Nobody. His future doesn't look bright and he's dragging you with him.

  • kls

    The best you can do is research the JWs and see what they are all about and try to get him to see that they are a Cult putting emotional blinders on him with tremendous guilt. This will not be easy the fact that his family will have the choice to shun him if he is found to read un Jw ( apostate ) material and sees what the JWS really are. It sounds like he is trapped in two worlds , one being the good Jw that he is supposed to be and the second the real worldly person wanting to live life free and happy.

  • Scully

    First of all, what concerns me most is the difference in your ages. I don't know where you live, exactly, but he's treading a fine line regarding a charge of statutory rape where you are concerned.

    Secondly, he is using "love" to lure you into his cult. If he really loved you, he wouldn't be asking you to change to make you "acceptable" to his cult. DO NOT allow him to isolate you from your family and friends. By drawing you away from friends and family who are looking out for your best interests, he (and the other members of his cult) will be able to manipulate you more easily.

    I suggest very strongly that you stand your ground - if you do not want to convert, you should not be coerced into doing so in order to "save" your relationship with him. If he is unwilling to accept you the way you are, then you need to RUN LIKE HELL in the opposite direction.

    Talk to your parents. They want what is best for you. They want you to be happy. Your so-called "JW" "boyfriend" wants you to be a "trophy" that he brings in to show his congregation once you agree to convert. Until that time, he will have to hide you from his family and friends, because you will not be "worthy" of a Clean?, Righteous? young JW man.

    If you are having sex with him, it is against his religion. He will get kicked out, and you will get blamed for being the "temptress" if he leaves. His family will resent you for that forever! Perhaps you should let him know that you have discovered that sex between unmarried people is wrong according to his beliefs and that you don't want him to do things that are against his religion. His response to that will indicate whether he really wants to be with you, or just wants sex with you.

    Please be careful. Your heart is too precious to waste on a loser who doesn't practice what he preaches.

    Love, Scully

  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    As one who is married to someone who is a Jehovahs Witness although he is fading away....I don't know that I would want to go through all that I have at your age.

    Run run run run away from him.

    Despite the fact that he's a Jehovahs Witness....do you really want to be with someone who is drinking, using drugs, and having sex indiscriminately?

    If you do then pursue him...

    But as far as lifemates go...he sounds like no prince charming. Find someone who has common interests and is going to uplift and encourage you to be the best you.

    Good luck.

  • outoftheorg

    Don't forget, that since you are only 16 you owe a moral obligation to take this up with your parents.

    They need to be aware of what is going on in your life. If they are unable or unwilling to help you with this, take it up with an uncle or aunt.

    Really any adult who you trust and admire in a face to face situation.

    If I were your relative, I would tell you to no longer see this young man. He seems unstable mentally and the cult he is in will make your life a living hell.

    You deserve another 3 or 4 years to grow up without this kind of emotional burden.

    Then if you and he were 25 or 30 yrs, old and you ask the same questions, and describe this man the same way,I would say get as far away from this man as you can.



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