I recently stopped studying and haven't told the "teacher" woman the whole truth--that I don't believe the 'truth' is the truth. I have my reasons why, and have been pondering on it for months now. What's the best way to say this; or better yet, is there a good way to get my point across without being preached to as to why I should go on and get baptized like I had planned. The last thing I want to hear is that I need my thinking 'readjusted' and bible-trained.
I'm glad I snapped out of it before getting baptized, yet wonder what stupid label I'll be given. Worldy, maybe! The only family members that are jw's are my stepmom (who I'm close to) and my stepbrother. Does this mean they have to shun me? Does baptism make that difference?
A little about me:
I started studying in fall of 2000 while I lived at home with my parents (before I was married) and my daughter who was 4 months. When she was born, she was sick with a blood infection and for a week, was touch and go. Stepmom told us not to let them give her blood if she needed it. My husband then said to me, 'there's no way I'm not going to let the doctors do anything they need to save her'. My response to her was, "ok". I was at the point where I'd listen to anything anyone told me and do so as well. Thankfully, by a miracle, she lived and is now healthy. As you can imagine, the situation was very stressful and took an emotional toll that was almost unbearable for quite some time after. Well, one day at home, after listening in for the 3rd time to one of my stepmom's studies, I took interest...something about Jesus hooked me. While lurking on here a few months back, I was comforted (and a little disturbed) to know that I am not the only one to get involved with them while at the most vulnerable points in life.
I didn't always attend meetings on a regular basis, but always studied. Looking back on it, I guess part of me wanted everything I learned to be proved as truth, and I waited patiently while defending them and myself to no end. I liked that they always had an answer for everything in life, the bible and god himself. It was what I needed at the time. This past year, I began asking myself questions such as, "Where in the bible does it say we have to come to meetings this often each week and bring my small children and train them to sit still and be quiet for 2 hours!!!" This is what I pondered each meeting, since it was spent in the bathroom anyway! Then, the disfellowshipping rule, which I don't agree with. Many others of course. In short, my main reason for fading and at this point staying away from all religion is the fact that it enforces being judgemental yet as usual, is hippocritical and says only god can judge. I can't be a part of that and feel good about myself.
Thanks in advance, everyone.