Court tomorrow.... wise advice is appreciated.

formerout

Just a quick run-down for those who haven't followed my court case so far:

My ex and I have joint custody but primary residence is with her. She has broken a bunch of the orders that the Judge made. These include that she moved out-of-town, hasn't given me my access times, she has not stopped her mother from taking my children to the KH, etc.

On November 24th, I convinced the Judge to prevent her from switching the kids (4) in their school. The Judge scheduled a summary trial for tomorrow. I have asked for sole custody or alternatively having primary residence switched to my house until she moves back into town (she didn't move for ANY legitimate reason...work, mate, etc.).

I'm getting my motions, affidavits, notes, strategies in order. I have already received some good advice from others, esp. HappyGuy, since his situation was similar to mine. Does anybody have any words of wisdom or support to share?

Brad

Bryan

formerout,

Good luck...I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

The only thing I could tell you is to remember "Theocratic Warfare". I'm sure she'll say what ever she feel she needs to in order retain the status quo. I hope you have documents to prove things such as "she didn't move for ANY legitimate reason...work, mate, etc."

Most of all, good luck for the children.

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

Happy Guy :)

I remember the last time you went some of the female members of this board reminded you to stay calm and take deep breaths. I remember you reporting back that it worked well for you so that would be my suggestion for this evening.

Also remeber that lying in family court is not the exception but rather the rule regardless of religious affiliations. Rise above this and be the reasonable one for the children's sake. It will be very difficult for the judge to change primary residence and destabilize the children. Focus on the child that you are especailly being alienated from. He is at an age where his fathers guidance is becoming extremely important. Good luck Brad and if it doesn't work out...well there's always another variation application in 6 months.

formerout

Bryan,

Yeah, I have quite a few documents to prove her breaches.... it's always a fine line as to what is too much or not enough. Thanks for the support.

HappyGuy,

I completely agree with the fact that I need to help my 10 year-old son the most. The Judge will see that too, I believe and she will figure out a way to stop my ex from not letting him come.

I hope it is not so hard for her to switch primary residence as it seems. I am still in the house that they were living in for so long and the Judge did already prevent the school switch, even though my ex is living over a half an hour away.

I am hoping that the Judge sees it as me being cooperative with my ex by having said that when she moves back into town we can discuss living arrangements then. Do you think she will make a decision based on the fact that nothing will change for the six months after her decision?

Brad

A Paduan

Don't be emotional about jwism, but cold and sharp, if it is raised that is, and if so, state that you do not like your children being taught to fear the world is going to end.

Happy Guy :)

Do you think she will make a decision based on the fact that nothing will change for the six months after her decision?

It has more to do with the law Brad. In Canadian law once a decision of this magnitude is made then you can't apply to vary the order for at least 6 months so essentially you could get locked into an order for 6 months. It would be nice if the Judge could take this into consideration because she might well fear that a stern warning to your ex may be ignored and you and the children would be stuck for 6 months before you could move to vary again. Let's face it bringing contempt proceedings are useless. Remind the Judge (in a polite way) that she can't court order a change in attitude and as long as this attitude persists the children will suffer and you will be before the courts. It sounds like the only way your relationship with your 10 year old son will be rescued is in a change of primary residence.

Aude_Sapere

I don't know your story but I sure do empathize with you and wish you a clear, thoughtful head tomorrow.

13 years ago I won custody, and *I* was the out-of-town guardian. I believe that I won because I focused attention on what I truly believed was in the CHILDREN's best interest - short and long-term.

Key point: I was the one who was encourage cooperativeness between all parties. I made it clear that I was committed to making sure that the kids would remain in close contact with the other parents. I firmly (but non-judgementally) listed specific instances where this commitment was not demonstrated by the others. I made it part of the record that I did not criticize the others and always behaved respectfully to them and that the respect was not returned. I brought up children's behavior patterns changed for the worse when around the others. It was known to all that I wanted the children to maintain a strong, healthy relationship with the other parents and my very real, documented concern was that the other parties were overtly undermining the relationship that the kids had with me.

Notice: NOT my relationship with the kids, but rather, the KID's relationship with me.

Does that make sense? It's not my personal connection that i'm trying to protect. I have that - I am connected for life. I want to safeguard the KID's personal connection.

I'm having trouble finding the right words and am afraid that I am about to repeat myself so I will stop.

Suggestion: Breathe. Breathe deep and often. Go to bed early. Get good sleep.

BEST WISHES for successful presentation tomorrow.

-Denise.

freedom96

Family court judges see these family issues every day. No matter what, they have seen it all.

In my personal experience, it is those that appear to be firmly grounded, without all the bashing that can take place that will win. The judge will try to do what he feels is in the kids best interest, first and foremost. Give a good case, and do your best.

If he is already angry for her disobeying orders, then that is one plus in your direction. Perhaps ask the judge to actually impose sanctions against her when she breaks the orders. She will continue to do so if there are no consequences.

formerout

I_Dare,

Very good points. I understood exactly what you meant. I certainly have tried to only point out the negative things that their mother is doing insofar as how it affects us getting to spend time together. It's a delicate balance, it seems, to point out the bad without making oneself look ngative as a whole. Thanks.

freedom96,

Thanks for the support. It's funny how I think that I'm telling the Judge about these rotten things that are happening to the kids and myself, when in reality they have always seen worse. Thanks.

Brad

Purza

Brad,

My fiancee has been through the ringer in family court as he represents himself (in pro per) in California. We never know what to expect when he goes to court, but keeping cool and not snapping at the judge is recommended. You probably already know that. My fiancee had proof that his ex had lied and the judge didn't want to hear about it. Once my fiancee caught on, he kept a level head and a few things went his way.

I agree with the other poster who said to put what is in the best interest of the children first -- not what you want. Try not to look like you are out to get your ex-wife -- as the judges hate the petty bickering between the parents.

I really hope you are successful tomorrow. I wish I had more words of wisdom as we have gone through this time and time again, and I know that the emotional toll on court days are rough. Think positive thoughts and keep us informed.

Purza

Court tomorrow.... wise advice is appreciated.

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