Worn down again....

by puff candy 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Granny Linda

  Puff, honey, I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time at the present.

  My experience is one of having come out of total submission to everyone else because I never knew I had a personal voice about my life...too becoming a strong woman - like so many others before me.

  What worked for me was reading/listening to other woman as they told their story. Is it possible for you to find some sort of group that works on self-esteem issues. Issues that arise from not only religious abuse, but other forms of abuse where the symptoms many of us suffered from can be addressed? {just a thought}

  As another poster mentioned, perhaps back off for awhile until you have a stronger sense of who you are. It's not easy, but things do get better with time. Continue working on yourself and the rest be damned. We do matter even when our loved one's would have us believe only Jehovah/borg matters.

  I'm not sure how many JW's and/or other's really have a good self-esteem to begin with. I certainly didn't. But...that's something no one can take from me today unless I give them power over my mind - which I'm not likely to do any too soon.

  Keep coming here and posting. No one can ramble as much as me, and besides, YOU help me. So stay of good cheer. Enjoy your reading. It's a wonderful help.

  Love,

  GL
• 

  jgnat

  I agree with what everyone has said here. It might be much easier to leave all JW topics out of the discussion, because they are "too painful". My mom is not a JW, but she is controlling. I have had to hang up on her. What I did is I warned her,

  "If you keep talking about this, I will hang up."

  lalallallblablabla

  "I am hanging up now."

  lblabbblaaallalalala.

  I carefully laid the phone in it's cradle.

  The first time was really hard. I am much better at hanging up now. This also comes in handy when salesmen come calling.
• 

  JustTickledPink

  This is just hilarious to me, I am going through the same thing. I politely brought up 1 subject about the UN scandal and attempted to show her the evidence, since then I have received 6 emails that are pages and pages long of just endless rants about the "truth." I have grown so tired of the same rants that I don't read them anymore, but simply sit and bang my head against the desk.

  I admit emails are better than phone calls. But one thing I have learned is to preserve your own sanity it sometimes is absolutely necessary to say THANKS BUT I HAVE TO GO. Cut the conversation short and let it go.

  There is no need to justify your beliefs to them. I have gotten to the point where I realize more and more that they are just plumb crazy.

  You need to find happiness, you need to find contentment, you need to find peace, and you need to do what's best for you.
• 

  Granny Linda

  Pink, I sure enjoy your company here. Thanks.

  granny
• 

  Jim_TX

  There may be two things going on here...

  1) The JW thing... (which you discussed)

  2) She is your mom - and you are still showing respect to her (or she is demanding it)

  When I was younger, after I left home - my mom really dissed me (as well as the other family members).

  What I noticed though, was that my mom would phone me at work - during the day - at a time when all my siblings were also at work - and not at home. Then she would ramble on and on... taking the opportunity to talk to me - at a time when SHE was not monitored by the others.

  I always would literally tremble... and get uncontrollable shakes... and one time I laid the phone down to regain a measure of composure. I picked up the phone, and she was STILL going on and on... hadn't even noticed that I had not 'responded' for a bit. I finally got to the point where I hung up the phone on her. No warniing, I just did it.

  Within a few seconds the phone rang again. I got up - and walked towards the door - to leave. As I did so, I told my lab partner Ken, "Answer the phone, please." and left. (He looked at me kinda puzzled.)

  When I got back a few minutes later, I asked Ken... "Well? Who was it?"

  He replied (in his quiet tone), "It was your mom. She cussed me out - telling me I shouldn't hang up on her. I told her I was Ken, and she got quiet."

  Well... it cured her of phoning me at work. *wide grin*

  Plus, I had taken control of the situation, and did not feel so helpless after that.

  I am not recommending hanging up on your mom... well... maybe I am... you will do what you need to do to feel better.

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  Elsewhere

  This is why one should never debate the bible with any "true believer". It does not matter what religion the person is, they all have their "proof scriptures" memorized and ready to go. They are also willing to keep after you for as long as it takes to wear you down because their entire existence depends on them winning any bible debate.

  Think about it, who will run faster and longer? Someone out running for fun or someone running from a bear? When you debate one of these people you are the one who is out for fun and the "true believer" is the one running from the bear (you). They will run from your reasoning a lot longer than you will run after them because they are terrified of what it would mean if you won the debate. They have based their entire life and existance on their position. If you destoy that they will be devistated, so they MUST keep believing what they believe.

  A JW will go on and on and on until they wear a person down.

  A Mormon will go on and on and on until they wear a person down.

  An Evangelical Christian will go on and on and on until they wear a person down.

  Each one of these people believe things that conflict with what the others believe, yet they all use the same book to "prove" their position.