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Obligations to Friends
by StinkyPantz 37 Replies latest jw friends
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xenawarrior
A friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will be sitting there with you saying "Damn that was fun!"
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pettygrudger
The word "obligation" in the context of this discussion seems to be a negative. Of course there are obligations we have to our friends - that doesn't make it bad. There are things we come to expect to an extent from our friends - this in a way makes them "obliged" as well. Ergo the term "Happy to Oblige". The definition of "Obligate" is to "bind morally or legally". If we aren't bound to our friends in a moral way - what are they?
For instance, a friend gets stuck on the side of the road @ 2:00 AM. It's nasty out....do I *want* to go? Hell no - but I will, out of a sense of obligation to my friend - and most of my friends would do the same for me.
The key is to understand when our obligation to our friends, or them to us, is actually making the whole relationship a larger burden than either should have to bear.
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StinkyPantz
XW-
A friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will be sitting there with you saying "Damn that was fun!"
Absolutely!
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If we aren't bound to our friends in a moral way - what are they?
I agree with everything you said, as usual.
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Hecklerboy
You should never feel obliged to do anything for a friend. That's what friendship is all about. You do it out of the love you feel for your friends, not because you owe it to them.
This reminds me of a quote I read somewhere: "A friend will come bail you out of jail in the middle of the night, but a true friend would be sitting beside you saying "Dude - we really f**ked up""
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Doubtfully Yours
Confidentiality would be nice.
DY
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gypsywildone
No obligations, no strings attached. I'm in my friendships because I want to be, & vice versa. Actually liking someone makes you want to do certain things, but not with obligations.
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teejay
Do you mean, however, that friends aren't obliged to tell all their deepest darkest secrets? ? LittleToe
No, not obliged. Just the opposite, I think. Free.
a good act doesn't stop there. It's not fair to contiually bring it up when you WENT and DID something for them... it seems to diminish the act somehow. It's sounds like score keeping to me.? StinkyPantz
Agreed.
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teejay
For instance, a friend gets stuck on the side of the road @ 2:00 AM. It's nasty out....do I *want* to go? Hell no - but I will, out of a sense of obligation to my friend - and most of my friends would do the same for me. ? pettygrudger
My goodness, Pettygrudger! Your words do have a way of tickling the brain at times.
You have a point.
The central idea, in the scenario you describe, though, is from whence the sense of obligation comes. I may feel a compulsion to do something?an "obligation"?but my friend does not obligate. Did I say that right? -
pettygrudger
Yes, you said that right. You speak of the difference in what we "obligate" ourselves versus to what extent a true friend would feel we are obligated to them.
But in the scenario I just described, isn't the friend "obligating" you by the mere phone call?
I don't see "obligation" as necessarily a bad thing. We have "obligations" to those we hold most dear to our hearts (i.e. spouses, children). For me, true friends are an extension of my family....and in such I feel that I have emotional, mental & sometimes physical obligations to them, and they to me. Just the way it should be (imho).
If it's being taken advantage of, or if it's lopsided for as long as the relationship has lasted - then that's not really a friendship....that's an unbalanced/unhealthy relationship. For which one could only dive into themselves to figure out why they are participating in it.