Fading, but I dont think I can do it

by vitty 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • vitty

    Ive been fading for about 7 months now, but I dont know if I can carry it off.

    I was really upset by a family member, had a couple of drinks then phoned my sister, whoes not a JW, ( for a bit of sympathy) but then I revealed too much information about my fading. The thing is shes going on holiday with my other sister who is a JW, now im scared she might tell her. She wouldnt do it on pupose.

    I feel im in quick sand, drowning, I would love to tell the way I really feel, but cant take the shunning.Will this ever end? I just want out, I just want this nightmare to stop. I feel so depressed. Will it get easier as time goes on? I just keep thinking about 24/7 I want some peace of mind

    How long is a successful fade? 2years, 5 years as long as Im alive?

    Im scared cos I cant keep my big mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!! Its really hard to pretend your still going to meetings and that and to listen to the crap.

    Has anyone got any tips?

    Sorry about the rambling I just need to talk to people who understand.

  • Sassy

    doing the fade is very hard.. you live in fear constantly of someone finding out and exposing you.. I basically sort of faded.. but I did get tired of the pressure.. now although I moved and left no forwarding address, if someone found me and exposed me, I'd just let it fall where it did... when I was trying a full fade, my hair was falling out.. I was having anxiety attackes.. it was too much..

    when I broke down and told my mom, I only said I needed a break from religion. I didn't tell her I no longer believed. I knew it woudl break her heart.. and I also hoped it would give us a chance of some kind of relationship.. although in the end she has felt the need to shun me any way.. even though I am not dfd or da'd..

    sometimes you cant win..

    however, the more you take control of your own life, the better it is..

    one day I'll be completely free..

  • kls

    When i faded i didn't care who new . It wasn't really even fading i just quit going but i didn't have family in except my husband .

  • lazyslob

    Just relax. What´s the worst case scenario? You´ll survive even that. Time is amazing healer. You´ll see that just months from today you care less and less about people knowing about youre meeting attendance aso. Lazy

  • mouthy

    however, the more you take control of your own life, the better it is..

    Hey that is the best addvice you can hear.

    We live in a FREE country... Surely you believed you would lose all on account of the "Truth" That is what we had preached to us time & time again. (in the WT)

    Well THAT is the truth.....! But it "aint" the truth that THEY preach!!!! So KNOW!!! if folks shun you, it is because your on the road to freedom & truth......

    It isnt worth getting in a depressed state ..... This is the first day for the rest of your FREE life- I believe when Jesus said "IT IS FINISHED" He meant it. & he said that you might live life MORE abundently!!!!!!! Go for it!!!!.

  • confusedjw

    Stay on target.... Stay on target.... You can do it.... You can do it.... (cutting your phone line)

  • fleaman uk
    fleaman uk

    If you havent/dont assosciate with JW,s anymore then they cant touch you with a barge pole.In Britain the data protection act makes sure of this.

    Mind you,ive been out for over 18 Months and i still get a tad paranoid now and again...you know,getting the lottery ticket ,18 rated Films etc...

    But the feeling of freedom is amazing even all this time later....................

  • vitty

    Thanks for your replies

    If it wasnt for my adult daughter who is still in, I d tell them all the truth and live with it.

    Shes getting married soon and I worry about her husband to be. I dont think hed be so generous after all we would become an embarrissment.

  • Sassy

    vitvin.. that is the hardest.. worst than parents..

    there are others who do keep the fade up and deal with this stress for the very same reasons you do..

    I soooo feel for ya

  • blondie

    It's hard when you still have contact with non-JW relatives and you tell them how you feel. I just tell them not to talk to someone else about it; if that person wants to know how "I" feel they should ask me not this other relative.

    I haven't been to a meeting for almost 3 years. Does anybody "care"? It goes in streaks, months with nada, then 3 people in one week. Mostly they are just nosy, perhaps wanting something to share with the car group that week. Some have been sent out by the elders to unknowingly gather dirt for your "demise."

    We do not return any calls to JWs we don't want contact with (caller ID; if no name shows, then it goes into the answering machine). At the door, we just keep them on the stoop (throw your robe on and cough a lot), 90 seconds top; don't answer any questions, just say it is a bad time and then shut the door.

    Find a confidant that is not in the family gossip loop. I fortunately go to a counselor, I vent here to a few privately, and my husband, another fader, and I help each other.

    We have contact only with JWs who never ask "why don't you go to meetings" or try to "encourage" us. They do keep me supplied with the latest WT pubs so I can continue to do my reviews. Not that they know that.

    If someone lets something slip, it is only one person, one "witness" and a non-JW one at that, very unreliable those non-JWs, you know, lie at the drop of a hat.

    The question is, do you want to go back?

    Do you want to confess your inner feelings, be labeled an apostate, and have no contact with the JW relatives and strained ones with the non-JWs whenever the JW ones are around?

    It is not an easy decision.

    Love, Blondie

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