I have been in this forum for 2 years now. I have slowed down in posting but only due to being very busy.
When I got here, I was looking for evidence that the child sex abuse scandal was the result of a few bad elders; when I found that it was not, but was systemwide, my brain snapped. I had emotionally left the hall in 1997, but just kept trying to reinvent myself and my faith.
I was determined to strip my faith down to the essentials, and build it back up so that when I went to the hall, pursued privileges and so on I was rock solid. I attempted this three times; each time it made less sense. When I read the book of Acts, I was shocked to see that the real history of the early days was not the logical, organized expression of the slave concept that I had believed all my life. It was a bolt of lightning one Sunday when I read the account about the question of circumcision, culminating in Acts 5:29; it was a concession to the jewish believers, and it was about a dietary restriction!
That the elders were not a hiding place from the wind, this I learned in spades in the mid 90's. After being exposed to lying, scheming elders and circuit overseers, I wanted nothing to do with them but felt I could work around them, or better yet, (hehe) work throught the system to change it.
Like I said, this is where I was when the Dateline program hit.
And that ended it for me. Info about the UN scandal iced it; I was really shocked to see how much they lied and manipulated the R & F to keep them from reading, thinking and analyzing anything.
I am free mentally, that's for sure.
But the reality of my family situation is hitting harder. Wife still attends; she knows most of what I feel but it seems to have hardened her resolve to "stay faithful". This in spite of the negligence of elders in our hall (all halls, really), the stupid policy about large group gatherings; she knows that the abuse scandal is real too. And a million other inconsistencies and outright lies.
I am getting used to not being on the same page about this kind of thing as a family but I am unsure about the future. My teen age son is a real critical thinker but he has strong social ties that will explode if he stops attending or talks about his questions. I think he worries about me and I don't want to ruin his social life at this phase of his life; it would hurt him very much.
And I am tiring of the hammering on non-existent apostates and the fear mongering about the media. It is all such a load of horse crap.
Most days I am OK with all of this; lately it has really got me down.