Were you still a "believer" when you left?

pennycandy

I know many of you here left for reasons other than doctrinal. Lack of love, treated badly, the burden of life as a JW, etc. At the time you left (or were kicked out), did you still think it was God's organization, or were you already convinced it wasn't?

I ask because leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and at the time I already knew it wasn't the "truth". I can't imagine the aweful pain and hopelessness of someone who feels they have to leave but believes they're leaving God's people and any hope of God's approval. My heart goes out to you guys and I hope you've found peace.

Penny

StinkyPantz

I still believed..

CeriseRose

I was. I had gone through all that I'd be giving up: the new system, seeing my parents resurrected, finally being at peace and possibly being married and having kids. I decided that the hell I was going through here and now as a JW wasn't worth trying to live for the future.

It killed me to tell my sister I was leaving, and my future was completely bleak. For about two weeks. Then by chance on another, completely unrelated to religion, message board, someone posted that she was leaving her religion and facing shunning by her entire family. She didn't say which.

Someone on the board posted a link to a JW support site that talked about the emotional side of shunning etc. I went there, feeling all sorts of guilty about frequenting sites on the internet (I hadn't before!). My eyes were opened!

For about 3 weeks I devoured everything I could get my hands on. Crisis of Conscience, In Search of Christian Freedom, Diane Wilson's book, websites, message boards. I was as p*ssed off about the lies I'd been told by the WTS as I'd been 13 years ago when I learned the "Truth" and thought I'd been lied to about evolution!

I am still being shunned by my sister, and thankfully came to be an "unbeliever" pretty quick. It would have been a really nasty road to continue down for very long.

The worst part of it all is not knowing where my parents are, and the realization that there *is* no new system to greet them in is like losing them all over again. Still reconciling that.

*hugs*

blondie

I left twice, the first time I still "believed."

The second time, now, I no longer believe the WTS is "the truth."

Blondie

bikerchic

No, although it had little to do with doctrine and all to do with god's appointed elders. I just knew god could not be behind those men, which led me to conclude god could not be behind the WTS either. It was a year or so later that I learned the truth about the troof.

Black Sheep

Yes, both times, but still unbaptised. Call it suicide with an unloaded gun if you like.

It took another 30 years for me to wake up that there were never any bullets. What a cockup.

onacruse

blondie:

I left twice, the first time I still "believed."
The second time, now, I no longer believe the WTS is "the truth."

Likewise, except that the second time, I didn't leave; I was forced out.

And for almost 3 years after, I was still a JW at heart...just ask a few of my friends who had to listen to me "preach" at them. LOL

penny, hello!

What you've experienced is so very typical. Those of us who were raised in that cult simply have a few more hurdles to jump, eh?

Cerise:

The worst part of it all is not knowing where my parents are, and the realization that there *is* no new system to greet them in is like losing them all over again. Still reconciling that.

The hopes that we once had may, with sufficient consideration, be logically replaced by hopes that we didn't realize we could have, and may, in terms of faith, be even more valid than what we thought we knew.

Respectfully,

Craig

Carmel

Pretty much had it figured out before I left. Baptized at age 12, knew it was bunk by 13, left before I was 15 knowing it was balderdash. carmel

Elsewhere

I was fortunate that I did not believe, so that was not an issue. However I also knew that everyone I ever knew would reject and shun me... so it was still a very difficult decision.

'Cept for you of course PC.

outbutnotdown

Unfortunately, absolutely I was still a believer. I had doubts but those were always eliminated by the "light is getting brighter", "the people in the organization are imperfect, but the organization is still perfect", etc.

I feel that this was very largely due to a lack of self-esteem, but fortunately down the road another big bomb was dropped on me by my very close-minded brother. After the birth of my first child, despite me feeling like a piece of sh*t useless df'd person (sorry, just being honest), my wife was still a JW and my brother reminded me that despite my wife still being a good person, that because I was the head of the household, if I didn't go back and get reinstated, my son would die at Armageddon.

It hit me like a ton of bricks........ the supreme being/intelligence, the highest form of love in the universe would not do something so terrible to someone so beautiful and innocent. (Never mind the fact that anybody who knows my NOW ex-wife, knows that I was NEVER the head of the household..... lol )

I knew then that it was not the truth.

With no disrepect intended to my brother.... he's just who he is, but thank goodness that he was such a close-minded person who lacked understanding of what love is.

The rest of my life has been great....

Brad

Were you still a "believer" when you left?

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