No Nookies In Nero's!

by Englishman 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Englishman

  I must be honest here, one of the main reasons that I chose to depart the JW’s was so that I could have more sex. Actually, that’s not quite true, when I say “have more sex”, I really mean to say have sex with MORE girls. It feels so good to be honest, doesn’t it? Ha Ha!

  Now please don’t assume that I’m some sort of cad here, but I was then a virile young bull in my early 20’s, in a bad marriage, broke all the time and surrounded by the sort of mindless moronic witnesses that can only be found on some of England’s worst council estates. Was this the peak point of my life, I wondered?

  Well the marriage finished, the committee effectively gagged me by utilising the DF’ing procedure, so there I was, all alone but needing some action!

  I teamed up with another recently departed ex, and, armed with a dubious cheque- book, we went out for the complete make-over. Hair permed and dyed blond, Ray-bans, suede jacket coloured aubergine, medallion, flowery shirt, flared trousers, platform soles and everything doused in Brut. Clubland here we come!

  That night we hit the night-clubs. We knew from the publications that these old world girls just couldn’t wait to get their hands on our lithe young limbs, and we didn’t intend to disappoint any of them. So, armed with our first ever cigars (cough, cough) and whisky and dry’s, we stood by the dance floor inside Nero’s night club a tappin’ our feet to Brown Sugar, whilst we waited to be set upon by these “old world” girls that we had heard so much about.

  3 hours later we had still not been seduced! What was wrong with these women? If they couldn’t get thrown out of a religion for having sex, then why weren’t they doing it? Didn’t they realise what they were missing?

  Thus ended my first salutary lesson on leaving the dubs. I learned that just because you could do something, it didn’t necessarily follow that you actually did it. I learned that, in the main, people were much more honest than I had been led to believe. I learned the value of giving because you wanted to give, and not giving in the hope of collecting Heavenly Brownie points. I would say that people who are not JW’s are more honest and straightforward than most JW’s actually are. There’s no hidden agenda, and I like that!

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
• 

  Duncan

  Brilliant post, Mike.

  This bit made me laugh:

  We knew from the publications that these old world girls just couldn’t wait to get their hands on our lithe young limbs

  I remember this kind of sentiment being expressed at meetings, too. I can’t have been the only red-blooded, hormone-fuelled, teenage boy who was secretly thrilled at that idea, especially when it was announced by one of our elders, in a talk about Morality and Purity:

  “Search your hearts, brothers, because remember! If you have the inclination to this kind of sin, then Satan will be sure to provide the opportunity!"

  I just couldn’t wait.

  Sadly, the opportunity never did seem to present itself. Satan was asleep on the job, as far as I was concerned.

  Oh well.

  The still-flare-wearing, bubble-permed, medallioned Duncan.
• 

  slipnslidemaster

  and it turns out that there is a very intricate dance to the whole bar scene. The men are expected to act a certain way and the women respond in kind. Everyone at the bar seems to know the rules to this dance, except me the poor dub that has no idea what's going on.

  So at 30 years old, I am trying to learn these rules that I should have learned when I was a teenager.

  Slipnslidemaster: "Do, or do not. There is no try."
  - Yoda
• 

  hippikon

  When did you realise that the world had changed during time you spent in the watchtower monastery? No kidding someone once asked me – Where have you been for the last 20 years in a monastery or something? – I was so out of touch!
• 

  Francois

  OK, now it's my turn to be puzzled.

  How come it's outrageous to use the word Fuck in a topic title, but it's OK to use the word Nookie?

  I mean, they are, um, related don't you think? One is a description of what is done with another.

  This should be good.

  Francios

  Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.
• 

  Englishman

  Francoise,

  Nookie is an acceptable term for sex, because it is a double entendre, Nookie also being a chidrens favourite TV toy of Roger de Courcey who, being a sly old dog, called his bear "Nookie".

  Here is Nookie:

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
• 

  Bendrr

  Maybe it was the bell-bottoms that turned the chicks off, dude.
  Well, hey what do I know?
  I laughed at your post because I always felt the same way. I remember "THE DANGERS OF WORLDLY WOMEN" so well! If a "worldly" woman was friendly to you in any way it only meant she wanted to honk your bobo.
  mike.

  "Well done, Blind Squirrel! You've found an impressive nut!
• 

  joelbear

  LOL Englishman,

  Very good post. Aubergine and suede and you went to a straight bar? That may have been the problem.

  Like you, when I left the witnesses, I thought sex aplenty was just waiting on me at every turn. I started hanging out in gay bars in Jacksonville Florida. I just knew they would be so happy that another man had been flung into their midst. LOL, boy what a lesson for me.

  It was almost a year after I left that I actually had sex for the first time. I exaggerated my encounter in Key West to the elders so they would DF me. Of course I wasn't exactly a great pick up artist with opening lines like:

  Hi, I used to be a Jehovah's Witness minister and now I am completely alone and lost, wanna screw?

  Hi, I just moved to Atlanta, I have no friends or family, wanna come over to my place?

  Hi, I just came out and I am really itching for some, will you teach me stuff?

  Well, you get the idea. At least in the gentille South, the men excused themself to the bathroom and just never came back, rather than running screaming away from me.

  Of course, I also found out that overweight hairy guys just weren't the cats pajamas at the bars I was going to. Neh neh, my type of guys were in bars that were a couple of blocks back away from the main, excuse the expression, drag. Darker and smellier than the pretty boy bars where everyone wore preppie clothes and wore Polo or Aramis.

  Anyway. Thanks for an interesting discussion topic.

  hugs

  Joel
• 

  hippikon

  joelbear : Nothing wrong with those pick up lines. They make me horny and I'm hetro!
• 

  Francois

  Englishman:

  Touche

  Francois

  Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.