Are JWs "Approval Whores"?
Well, I don't know about "approval" whores, but how about "Spiritual Whores" (vis-a-vis UN NGO status)???
Great post, Scully!
~Quotes, of the "Imagining a World With Less Oprah" class
[edited to remove name... sorry! :)]
You couldn't say that in polite company could you?
My Mum would have a blue fit.
Very accurate description. I was that such an "approval whore" as a JW that I hurt myself physically trying to do more and more , trying to please others.
I was that was as a child, my father always had goals and standards set for me that were always almost out of reach,,,,,but somehow I always reached them. Then he praised my strength, my endurance and I thought that was love.
That is one thing I have done differently than my father in raising my own kids. I don't set certain goals or standards for my children just because I want that for them, for my own selfish reasons. I can see that my father smothered my budding personality, I wasnt allowed to really go at my own pace, or to go after the things that I wanted to pursue. It took many, many years to get over trying to please everyone, it took along time to realise that people love you for other reasons than being perfect, I still struggle with this, but I at least know why I feel the way I do.
No, I probably wouldn't describe it that way to your Mum. We can't have her having a blue fit , now can we?
Maybe we can try to come up with a less shocking way of putting it??
Very interesting concept.
And... yes, I think that's what makes many JWs (and others) run.
interesting.. my therapist said i had an unrealistic deep need for approval and along with it anger phobia. a distinct correlation between the two. i wonder if thats common..
I guess describing some one as, say, an approval whore or attention whore or whatever whore is a bit of a shock to the fusty old Brit sensibilities. I do appreciate that this way of describing someone is acceptable parlance in the USA, it does read a bit when you first come across it.
BTW, I have been into a warehouse on one occasion.
Thanks for that great article Scully!
Its actually made me feel much better about myself. It gave clear concrete form to thoughts that have been germinating in my pea brain for a long time.
Of "the currently overcompensating for his runtiness, so he won't publically admit to reading O Class"
Great article Scully - rushing out to buy it today!
But, I would disagree with it being just a JW "thing" - I believe many of us as ex-JW's STILL have those same tendencies - we've just moved this to another arena of our lives, or of those we seek approval from. Even on this board, you can see evidence of it on a regular basis. Even myself, out for over 20 years now, still has the same *issue* with giving till it hurts, then feeling *resentful* and taken advantage of - used. Words of wisdom for ALL of us - not just *them*
The article had this line in it, which I read after I saw your "clicky-link" , Scully.
Suppose that every morning of this holiday season, you asked yourself what you really, truly wanted to do that day, and then did just that. Would you spend time you don't have buying things you can't afford for people you don't like
When we first started celebrating the art of Christmas giving in 1992. It seemed easy and nice and each year as we got accustomed to the residual J.W. fallout.. then Christmas got better and better.
Now, 12 years later it is starting to feel like this quote above.
It seems like the Christmas list got bigger and longer and you have people you feel obligated to buy for who you don't even really associate with anymore. You just feel obligated. You have (what you feel) is an obligatory visit with each other over the holidays to exchange gifts when you never really see each other over the year at all anymore. You even feel a bit strained over the visit because it just doesn't feel right anymore. .. it feels kind of "forced".
Maybe, this is one of those things I can try to weed out. It really doesn't feel right to me for us to have to do this anymore. I guess this is this "approval whore" stuff rearing its ugly head.