The Guys Rules

by Beans 2 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Beans

  I got this from my buddies wife today, not bad but I have to add a this, if were going somewhere......
  
  1-we don't need to know the time (we just show up)
  1-we don't need to know who's bringing what (beer & meat) The Guys' Rules
  
  At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
  
  Finally, the guys' side of the story.
  (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
  
  
  We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
  Now here are the rules from the male side.
  These are our rules!
  Please note... these are all numbered "1"
  ON PURPOSE!
  
  1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
  You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
  We need it up, you need it down.
  You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  
  1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
  the tides.
  Let it be.
  
  1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
  And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  
  1. Crying is blackmail.
  
  1. Ask for what you want.
  Let us be clear on this one:
  Subtle hints do not work!
  Strong hints do not work!
  Obvious hints do not work!
  Just say it!
  
  1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
  almost every question.
  
  1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
  it.
  That's what we do.
  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  
  1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
  See a doctor.
  
  1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
  argument.
  In fact, all comments become null and void after 7days.
  
  1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
  expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  
  1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
  Don't ask us.
  
  1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
  one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
  other one.
  
  1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
  you want it done.
  Not both.
  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  
  1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
  say during commercials.
  
  1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
  neither do we.
  
  1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
  settings.
  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
  also a fruit.
  We have no idea what mauve is.
  
  1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
  We do that.
  
  1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
  act like nothing's wrong.
  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
  hassle.
  
  1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
  expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  
  1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
  you wear is fine...Really.
  
  1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
  prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
  shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
  
  1. You have enough clothes.
  
  1. You have too many shoes.
  
  1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
  
  1. Thank you for reading this.
  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
  
  but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
  camping.
  
  Pass this to as many men as you can -
  to give them a laugh.
  
  Pass this to as many women as you can -
  to give them a bigger laugh!!
  
  
  
  
• 

  StinkyPantz

  LOL!! Those were great! I love this one:

  If you think you're fat, you probably are.
  Don't ask us.
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  Quotes

  Excellent work, Bro. Beans!