Jehovah - The Magical God

by Nosferatu 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nosferatu

    Jehovah is such a magical God. He can make the impossible possible. He will cure all your problems, he will create logic when there is confusion. Just ask Amy.

    Amy was married to a brother of the congregation. After the wedding, Amy's husband became very abusive. Amy was on the recieving end of her husband's angry hands. Amy approached the elders, and asked them for help. The elders said "Continue being submissive, and pray to Jehovah for help. He'll find a way!" So Amy looked upon Jehovah and asked him for help. And Jehovah just sat there.

    Amy committed suicide.

    Little Suzie was getting beat up at school for her belief in Jehovah, the magical God. Little Suzie approached a friend in the congregation and told her about what was happening. Suzie's friend told her "Just pray to Jehovah for help. He'll find a way! He always does!" So little Suzie looked upon Jehovah, and prayed and prayed asking him for help. And Jehovah just sat there.

    Little Suzie developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

    Johnny was having doubts about Jehovah's Organization. He discovered that the 1914 date was a load of bullshit, and he discovered that Jehovah's Organization was having an affair with the Wild Beast that Babylon the Great sat upon. Johnny approached the elders about his doubts. The elders told Johnny that his spirit is being weakened by apostate teachings. "Pray to Jehovah to strengthen you. Jehovah will find a way". So Johnny looked to Jehovah, and asked him for strength. And Jehovah just sat there.

    Johnny is now disfellowshipped from the congregation, and can no longer communicate with his family.

    You see? Jehovah is a magical God! He can find a way to make things work out in the end. Jehovah always finds a way!

    All characters mentioned in this story are fictional, including Jehovah. However, the experiences exists in daily life of many JWs.

  • harleyquinn
  • BluesBrother

    It is not God's fault that J W's misrepresent him, or children get hurt , or that men rule each other badly.. If he gave us freedom, the we (as a human race) have to take responsibility...

    That is my take on it anyway, which is no more provable than anybody elses

  • harleyquinn

    all i know is that i'm thoroughly depressed after reading that...

  • Annanias


    And then there is Art. He had a nice job, nice home, nice life, but then his employer got bought by a company that worked only military contracts, so Art quit his job because Jehovah would be hurt. But Art wasn't worried because he had always been told that Jehovah cared for those who put their magic faith in him, and Jehovah would find a way out. But Jehovah just sat there, not so much as a Monty Python fart in Art's general direction. Art is now destitute. He's lost his family, his possessions, his good name. Art is going to commit suicide.

  • kaykay_mp


    hmmmm. i didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

  • dmouse
    and Jehovah just sat there

    Very powerful.

    And how many will let their lives be ruined by this magical (and non-existent) God?

    6 million?

  • ezekiel3

    You forgot about Mandy, an incredibly talented artist with a scholarship to an art college. Mandy knew to put Jehovah first, and she would have all of eternity to bless Him with her art. So she pioneered and waited for her magical God to end this world before her generation died. Always, with faith and smiles, she ignored her talent so that she could make disciples. Her sacrifice motivated others to forsake "selfish pursuits" and devote themselves to Jehovah.

    She would always say, "In Paradise, I'll have all time in the world!"

    Mandy is dead now, and mourned with faith and smiles by her husband, who cries to think he will never share her bed again and prays for a little magic from God to make an exception for his wife.

  • TMS

    "For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will shew unto the world that I am the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever; and I work not among the children of men, save it be according to their faith."


  • Annanias

    TMS - According to their faith? Excuse me, I just got done with a wracking cough caused by a laughing fit. Sorry, but he needs to get a new advance man, he does not live up to his billing. Yeah, a God of miracles alright, I guess he was too busy helping some fat lady choose her lottery numbers when I needed him, huh? Okay, please define "faith" for me. I must've been using the wrong one.

    Y'know, the book of Job, with all of it's Pathos, hubris, pain, and poetry, still comes down to a couple of individuals with absolutely no concern for the poor fu*kers who had to go thru it. In the beginning, Satan and Jehovah make a bet and Satan proceeds to kick Job's ass. But what is really interesting is that the first thing Satan does is kill Job's children with a tornado. Excuse me? You mean these poor dipsh*ts rate no more than an "oh yeah" in the Bible because of some fu*king bet? I can just imagine this poor stupid sh*t son of Job as he gets ripped up into the air by a tornado thinking, "Hooooolllly shit!!! God what did I dooooooooooo?" So God scratches his chin, picks at his nose, and says, "Nothing personal. This is business."

    I asked an "elder" about this one time. I mean, what a dirty trick, to deep six some poor bastard who didn't even see it comming, for a bet! The "elder" told me, "Well, maybe it was his time?" Oh, that's just fuc*ing grea!. Well, maybe it's time you sucked my...

    "Hey Ralph, see those two kids playing hopscotch over there?"

    "Yeah, Duke, what about 'em?"

    "I bet I can spray that one with lighter fluid, strike him up, and he won't get six feet. What d'ya say?"

    "Six feet?. Okay, yer on."

    Are you telling me that with all of the supposed intelligence, smarts, brains, abilities, that this is the best that these two geniuses could come up with? Oh, doesn't this just instill loads of fuc*ing confidence in what's comming down the road?

    "Okay, okay. A couple of sparkelers up his ass and he jumps greater than 35 inches."

    "Okay, 35 inches and he loves me. Less than 35 and he's an evil, worthless piece of shit. You're on."

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