Toppled Tower

by Skimmer 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    (Headline) Toppled Tower

    (Dateline) October 2029, Brooklyn, New York; Associated Internet Media News Service

    After a century and a half of preaching and publishing, the WTBTS (Watchtower Bible and Tract Society) has closed its doors.

    The group was started in the 1870s with most of its doomsday doctrines borrowed from the Second Adventists, another American-born religion of the 19th century. In its fifteen decades its membership count waxed and waned as numerous predictions of dates for the arrival of a planet cleansing Armageddon came and went. With as many as eight million members some fifteen years ago, less than a hundred thousand were counted in the last year's report.

    If a religion were to have a death certificate, the coroner's report for the WTBTS would state "death by bankruptcy". And that would be true enough, for the collective demands of creditors forced the liquidation of the group's few remaining assets. A combination of claims by lenders and also by successful lawsuit plaintiffs resulted in yesterday's corporate Armageddon for the WTBTS. But while it took less than two hours for authorities to chain the doors of the last WTBTS buildings, the decline in the fortunes of the group have spanned the last two decades. The irony is that a religion that banned life saving blood transfusions for its members was done in by twenty years of fiscal hemorrhage and in its last few years was unable to gain cash transfusions from its members.

    For the first few years of this century, the WTBTS appeared outwardly healthy with its membership growth and with its ambitious real estate investment programs. Although its numbers were decreasing in the more prosperous nations, the group managed to preserve its revenue streams and continued to make inroads in the less developed countries. But by the end the first decade, the WTBTS began its uninterrupted contraction in its membership and its holdings. Let it be said that the religion did not go gently into that good night; it fought hard for gaining new converts, and when this failed, fought even harder to retain remaining members. Unfortunately for the WTBTS, its efforts in battle turned out to be mostly counterproductive as an ever more stringent attitude by the leadership drove away adherents grown weary of the increasing demands of their masters. The losses were a trickle at first, but a meltdown was in full swing ten years later when all but the most fanatic left the ranks.

    Up to the last days of its life, the WTBTS demanded shunning of former members. This sad dogma also surely contributed to the group's demise as the count of former members became much larger than the current number of followers; the vocal efforts of the shunned resulted in a reverse shunning of the WTBTS by society at large. And in its failure to observe the scripture "Judge not, lest thee be judged", the WTBTS also kept its elaborate judicial and punishment system; and so it was condemned and punished by others.

    The WTBTS claimed that it was the only religion that could save its members, but in the end the question remains: could the WTBTS have saved itself? The group was well known for its extensive collection of statistics and so its leaders should have been able to have foreseen the warning signs. Perhaps some of them have, for the surprisingly high turnover in the group's higher-ups in the past twenty years may be taken as an indicator of a lack of faith in those responsible for defending the faith. Without doubt the WTBTS decline was accelerated by the departure of relatively moderate leaders when those were replaced by ones more inflexible and tenacious.

    The main indication of the inflexibility of the WTBTS is probably its retention of the 20th century technology of printed media. The group refused to migrate to electronic publishing and up to the very end published only a paper version of its magazines. Some say that the WTBTS stayed away from the Internet because of the dramatic membership losses caused by revelations of the group's past activities found on thousands of former members' web sites. Others believe that the electronic medium was dismissed as an outlet because of the difficulty of generating cash as compared to sales of its printed material. And some observers maintain that the printing presses were used mostly for the purpose of keeping members too busy to investigate alternatives to their beliefs.

    Those presses are slient now. Too antiquated for any sensible use, they now await shipment to the recyclers with the last copies of the _Watchtower_ magazine still in the output bins.

    In an obituary, it is the custom to list the survivors of the deceased. There are a few schism groups of the WTBTS, some of them date back to a hundred years ago. But most former members range from moderately agnostic to adamantly atheistic, wanting nothing to do with religious organizations of any kind. The WTBTS preached of a resurrection hope for its followers, but there is no such hope for itself.

  • You Know
    You Know

    A more likely headline might read:

    WATCHTOWER TOPPLES IN AFTERMATH OF NUCLEAR FINANCIAL MELTDOWN

    October 21, 2001: Associated Press

    The report today out of Brooklyn, New York, is that the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is temporarily suspending the publication of the well know Watchtower and AWAKE! magazines. The Watchtower's press release stated that it was the latest victim of the savage and ongoing financial collapse that has rocked the globe in the weeks since the Middle East nuclear conflagration that obliterated Iran, Iraq, and Syria from the map. The Watchtower, originally established in 1879, has been continuously published for the last 122 years. The last few weeks however, because of the disruption of transportation due to $200 per gallon fuel costs have prohibited nearly all regular deliveries of non essential items. The Watchtower spokesmen stated that it was no longer possible for them to procure paper and food for Bethel workers in sufficient quantities to carry on operations in the face of the hyperinflation that has forced government supervised rationing of basic raw materials and energy. The dollar's crash has also forced the closure of all but a handful of the nation's newspapers and periodicals. Officials for the religious publishing agency could not be reached for further comment.

    / You Know

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    see you on october 22nd

  • Seeker
    Seeker
    October 21

    ROFL! Just love October, don't ya?

    Well, why should 2001 be any different? You might as well fail every single year.

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    (Headline) Former Members' Reaction to WTBTS Demise

    (Dateline) October 7th, 2029 by the Associated Internet Media News Service

    Several former members and long time observers of the WTBTS offered their comments today upon receiving the news of the demise of the WTBTS.

    Reached at his retirement estate, a former member known only as "Skimmer" appeared grimly satisfied with the news. "I knew it would happen eventually, but it is unfortunate that so many were misled for so long", he remarked. He continued, "Too many years of too many lives were wasted upon the false teachings of men. And nothing left over for material compensation for the victims. There is so little justice in this world." After a pause, he then said in an ominous tone, "But there is sufficient justice in the next world."

    After this reporter endured several minutes of Skimmer's somewhat profane speculations about the final repose of the WTBTS leadership in the afterlife, Skimmer was asked to comment in terms that could be transmitted in a family news media conduit. He said, "Yes, it is of no profit to waste time in speculation. After all, that's what the WTBTS did for many decades. And now it's gone for good." He sighed, and then continued, "But while the WTBTS has been consigned to the ash heap of history, it will not be forgotten. I, and so many other who were harmed by the cult are not victims, but victors. And as victors, we will write the history. Let all of the lies, cover-ups, and all the other misdeeds of the WTBTS be permanently recorded as a warning to any who would set up another such cult."

    Other observers reflected on the downfall of the WTBTS and their comments appear in the following news attachments:

  • Simon
    Simon

    Brilliant Skimmer !

    ...but let's make it sooner than 20+ years

  • You Know
    You Know

    A little later on you might read this headline.

    GORBACHEV ISSUES ORDER FOR IMMEDIATE ARREST OF ALL JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

    February 3, 2004

    The Chairman of the North American Federation, Mikhail Gorbachev, reissued an order for the immediate arrest of all of Jehovah's Witnesses. The General Secretary of the United Nations said that the pestiferous cult had largely been exterminated throughout much of the empire but that the underground work was still largely uncontained in the former United States where the cult had originated back in the 1870's. With the closure of the Watchtower Society in the aftermath of the Third World War, officials thought that the controversial religion was finished. Particularly after security forces under the UN enforced the closure of all churches, mosques, and synagogues, and what was once known as Kingdom Halls, all religions where thought to have been eradicated. In the last several months however the magazine known as Gideon's Sword has been circulating in great numbers. It is believed to have the same publishers as the Watchtower magazine once had.

    UN officials have been fuming over the audacity of the cult to defy official ban by publishing inflammatory religious materials. An unnamed official of the North American Federation, speaking on condition of anonimity, said that all members of the ruling party each received flyers in the middle of the night on January 15th, stating that Christ was going to hold them personally responsible for the several billion souls that have perished in the last few years due to the genocidal policies that were needed to bring over- population under control. To date, according to the latest reports, over one million of Jehovah's Witnesses have been incarcerated or executed. Millions more have been reformed and re-educated and been welcomed back into the New World Order that is free from the barbaric relics of religion. The empire is now concentrating their efforts on identifying and arresting the remaining few hundred who are said to be of the elite "anointed." Gorbachev's security administration has enlisted the help of former members of the cult who have already assisted in fingering several thousand leaders who claim to be of this mythical anointed class. Since they are deemed irreformable by most experts, those claiming anointed status are now shot on sight to save the expense of re-education.

    The UN's zero tolerance for religious fanaticism has worked with success on all cult activity---except Jehovah's Witnesses. If you know the whereabouts of any member of this cult, the Federation is offering a 100 Bancor reward for each one turned over to security police. In the case of any cult member known to profess to be of the anointed the Federation is offering a 1,000 Bancor bounty paid in cash. Gorbachev's generous offer also was issued with a stern warning that anyone harboring a JW fugitive will be dealt with severely, but that a two week grace period would be extended to those who may turn in cult members voluntarily. Also, anyone possessing copies of Gideon's Sword is required by law to turn over such materials to the proper authorities.

    / You Know

  • Fredhall
    Fredhall

    Date October 1, 2005

    New York Times

    FRED HALL HAVE NOT BEEN FOUND YET AND STILL CAUSING TROUBLE WITH APOSTATES!!! The UN counsel will hold a special meeting.

  • Fredhall
    Fredhall

    Date: February 12, 2006

    New York Times

    FRED HALL IS BELIEVED TO BE HIDDING IN THE UN AND STILL HAVE NOT BEEN FOUND!!! THE UN CALLS OF THE SEARCH!

  • cecil
    cecil

    Hi Skimmer.

    Great posts! Especially this "reverse-shunning"-thing...

    cecil

    Hi You Know.

    Respect - half an hour, and 'The Tower Strikes Back' And only 23 minutes for the second strike. If you were to write The Watchtower it really would become - fast food! [8>]

    cecil

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