Do You Need Praise From Others To Feel Validated?

by minimus 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mac

    Wild Horses...I wouldn't let those bother me either as they are more an indicator of the deficits experienced by the one trying to invalidate you with their vitriolic spasms. They reflect themselves when casting such remarks.

    mac, ducks back class

  • gypsywildone

    I hope I was Mac ( I can't figure out which one is the little guy that blushes)

    But really, once you let other people determine your worth & self esteem, you will be extremely unhappy. Once you start trying to please other people instead of knowing who you are & being happy, you might become a nervous wreck! If you even figure out what other people want, they will move the measuring stick, guaranteed. It's better to know who you are & what you want, & become s self contained person.

    And if a person actually NEEDS this board for "unconditional love & validation", well, that 's just lacking. Sure, the people with common experiences are nice to find, & sometimes boucing things off people to get a different perspective can be productive, but you have to get your love from within, to start with. Then it goes out into the world, & it all comes back to you.

    Yes Mac, I think we are on the same positive page & upswing in life. Be Here Now.

  • WildHorses

    Thanks for that, Mac.

  • Dawn

    Everyone needs praise. It's human nature to partially base our own perception of ourselves on the feedback we have received from others.

    Can I take criticism? Yes - depending on how it's given AND who has given it. My husband is good at giving constructive criticism - he can point out areas I need to work on without making me feel like a looser. Then, there are others that can be critical without any "constructive" part to it - those are the ones that are just plain mean.

  • minimus

    Hillary_ Step----I only value your opinions.

  • dh

    i don't need praise, i don't think i want it either, i am very critical of myself.

  • Nat-Oz

    Praise is nice, I always feel good when someone acknowledges that I have done the right thing, or that what I did, affected them in some way.

    But when it comes to just wanting to fit in and for everyone to like me, nope, I don't really give a hoot what people think of me.

    I'm 51% Bitch anyway! haha!

  • LittleToe

    I think it varies with us all, as no doubt we all occasionally feel vulnerable.
    Given that most of my friendships have been forged since I left the borg (about three years ago) there are few folks that are truly in a position to know me well enough to do either, sincerely, IMHO.

    Generally, I find the praise creeps me out. It's far less embarrassing if it comes in the form of a discussion where there's agreement, rather than overt displays. Anything more than a slap on the back, or a terse "good one" or "well done", is going to make me squirm.

    I tend to take constructive criticism fairly well. My immediate response is to engage it and find out the minutia, as such opportunities are rare. Perhaps that is offputting, which contributes to such rarety.
    If it's pressed home offensively, or exceeds three points in a single confrontation then I can be as human as the next person

  • squinks

    When I need validation, I just take the little ticket from the machine to the frontdest and poof I am validated.

  • squinks

    O Drat, I mean to the front desk

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