Am I being paranoid or something? - Advice Please

by TresHappy 15 Replies latest social family

  • mamochan13

    Tres, I agree with Frannie - ask your brother honestly what is going on. You may not get an answer you like, but its better than tearing yourself up not knowing. My brother and sister never wanted their kids to spend time with me (in spite of me having kids as well), and they made it clear they considered me "bad association" (even though I was part of their religion, etc. at the time). Its really sad, because extended family relationships are things children really value.

    Hopefully your situation is not like mine, and your brother may realize that he is depriving his children of something very special. good luck!

  • RR

    Seems like you and I have the same problem. Well it's not a problem for me anymore, not that it was ever resolved. My sister-in-law was raised a Witness, she was a renegade, then she hooked up with my brothers, got pregnant and then married. I knew my nephew for the first few years of his life, then they had a daughter, I saw her once when she was about 6 months old. Then my sister-in-law became active, and got baptized (being married to my brother I guess brings you closer to God). When I left the WItnesses, she disowned me. My Nephew is 24, my Niece is 14, I haven't seen them in 15 years. Their divorce now ... so it's worse. Oh well!

  • Undaunted Danny
    Undaunted Danny

    Danny's motto:'prudent not paranoid'.I have 4 gens of active Jdub kin and kids who have been told i am the scum of the earth.

    I have learned not to let it get to me and i bite the bullet a lot.I also remind myself i am not the only one.

    I am also getting lots of sweet revenge on the borg perps who put me in this spot.

    Cheers mate, Cheered Up

  • Happy Guy :)
    Happy Guy :)

    Hi tres. I notice we are both called "happy", I wonder if we're related?

    I think it's very nice that you have an interest in your nieces and nephews. Extended family can be a very positive influence on kids and also help give the parents a much needed break. I think it's sad that you are wanting to spend time with them and the mother/mother-in-law is being given preferencial treatment over you. Having said that, I am not surprised. Many parents of young children can be very protective about the quality of care that the children get by anyone other than them. It may not be a case of them not wanting you to spend time with the children rather they may simply have more confidence in the mother/mother-in-law since she is older and (presumeably) more experienced with the children.

    I would suggest that you make (more) attempts at finding occasions where you can spend time with the children but in your brother and sister-in-law's company. This does not include large family gatherings but occasions where you are exclusively interacting with the children but in the parents company. Doing this often will hopefully give the parents the confidence in your "parenting" abilities that they clearly need and you desire.

    I wish you well and as a parent myself congratulate you on caring enough about these children that your heart aches to spend more time with them. They are very lucky to have you as a relative.

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours


    Ask your brother. Dialog always helps in these situations.


  • Mulan

    My cousin's wife was that way about their three boys when they were little. She was from Chile, and we always thought it was a cultural thing.

    Sidebar: When he married her, she was a special pioneer. Now, 28 years later, she is not a JW anymore and two of their boys are not either. Only one is baptized and he is inactive. My cousin is still a true believer though.

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