Trotting out the JW credentials...

by Odrade 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Odrade

  Why do we do this? The people who care don't matter, and the people who matter don't care.

  I'm asking because I notice that even though I've pretty much rejected everything connected with the religion, I still find myself setting out who I knew, who knew me, how involved I was, how many meeting/assembly/convention parts I had... on and on ad nauseum. (It's nauseating.) Usually I get started on the STATUS for a reason... nearly always my point is that if I could get out anyone can. But by the time I set up all the reasons why I was sooooo "SO," lol, I've forgotten the point and am just sucked into the one-upmanship.

  Remember when there were records and record players? You'd get a skip in the record, then everytime you played it, the needle would fall in the skip. Eventually there would be a groove in the record and it became unplayable. You could listen right up to the groove, then the needle would fall in and "ccsssshhhhhhhh" nothing. Until you went over to the player and lifted the needle out of the groove.

  Well, I feel like I have a groove in my mind, and anytime I come near to trying to explain what kind of believer or leaver I was, I fall in the groove. "Well, I was good friends with so and so! I had xxx parts on xxx program. My parents know..." blah blah blah.

  So why is that? Is it because I'm a woman and had to go around reminding people constantly that I wasn't a "second class citizen?" Is it because I spent so many years in an organization that is based on level of activity and the "servant arrangement?" Or is this something that all people ordinarily do... try to establish a pecking order in every scenario?

  Maybe I'm the only one who does this... do you?

  Odrade
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  ozziepost

  Don't be too hard on yourself. I think it's quite normal to reveal where you fitted in with the borg. It's part of who you are, just as you introduce yourself with details of where you live, how many in your family etc

  The danger is a general one of not moving on but always dwelling in the past. So when you introduce yourself, if you haven't anything to say about what you're doing now in your life, then, yes, there is something to be concerned about.

  Cheers, Ozzie
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  ezekiel3

  You make a great point. The reason you feel that way is because this is the JW definition of...

  Spiritual!

  If you are not producing, following procedure, gaining priviledges, hanging out with the wrong people you are... (you guessed it)...

  Not Spiritual!

  JWs have no idea what "spiritual" versus "physical" means. Jesus said you would know them by their fruits, not their publisher cards.
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  Odrade

  The thing is, I don't feel like I have to justify where I am in my life in any other situation. I don't really do the "pecking order" thing. And I don't feel insecure, really. Anyone from here who's met me IRL can tell you I'm fairly well-adjusted and confident... considering that I grew up hard-core JW. I really do think it's just a rut I fall into. I don't need to be there, I don't want to be there, it really serves no purpose anymore that I can tell... yet, it still happens all the time.

  Okay, I've identified the "problem," lol. Now what do I do to fill in the groove? AAARRRRGH! LMAO! (yes, I do have a sense of humor about it. It's frustrating that I do it, but I'm not that worried about it.

  O
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  willyloman

  nearly always my point is that if I could get out anyone can

  ...and that's a very good point, and one many lurkers need to hear.

  After you're out a while, "credentials" begin to lose meaning, but when you're first looking for the "real truth" and find a forum where criticism of the WTS runs rampant, it is easier to accept when it comes from somebody who has "been there, done that." Remember when JWs spoke about certain families as being "pillars in the congregation"? That was our family. Now we're all out and happy about it. I hope someone will find out about us and think, "If they can get out, I can, too." Having escaped, we have an obligation, I believe, to help others find freedom and happiness. If using "credentials" to add weight to our comments helps in that process, that's a good thing.

  Don't beat yourself up about it.
• 

  Markfromcali

  Hi O,

  My guess is a lot of people do it, but perhaps you are more aware of it than others who do.

  If it isn't JW it could be something else, just some reference to one's history. It's rare for us to be accepted as we are now, people tend to want to know your background, where you're coming from, some way to define you if not just kind of put you in a box. It may just be a natural response to that.

  It doesn't occur to me to mention my JW past anymore, even with XJWs, and I certainly couldn't come up with many JW stories on recall. What I find interesting is not where anybody has been, heck we all know that, but where we all are now - all the different directions people have gone and are going now.

  When you have that basic shift in identity, that is no longer identifying as a JW, things begin to change. That's certainly a milestone, but it is just the beginning. To me it's a matter of every corner of your mind waking up to that fact, and not just the part concerned with identity. So that would include every memory, which you may not necessarily have to process consciously, but in general it can be said that living your new life of freedom is the best medicine. So while there may be sudden epiphanies both in the beginning and during the process, there is a gradual part too. Just know that if the 'identity shift' has happened, the rest can do nothing but fall apart.

  I think it is important here to point out there is a difference between seeing the nonsense and believing it. You can be swayed by the masses of a forum such as this but never see it for yourself. (I don't think that's the case with you btw) But when I mentioned this shift in identity, I am talking about seeing it so clearly yourself that nobody else can convince you otherwise, that is even if everyone else on this board changes their mind and goes back to the Kingdom Hall it wouldn't really change your mind.
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  czarofmischief

  I'm still pretty hurt over the whole JW thing. It's like a poison that is taking forever to clear out of my body and mind. Just keep "puking," I guess, until you get it all out. All the hurt and abuse and wasted life and misused energy and talent and all the missed chances and skipped proms and football teams that you never tried out for. That's why I'm still on the board after two years. As far as the "pecking order" theory goes, well, it's just comparing scars, I guess. People do that.

  CZAR
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  bebu

  Hi O,

  Here's a suggestion. While you're thinking about all of this, begin to think about what kinds of answers or conversations you think you should be pursuing instead. It's easier to leave a habit if you have a replacement for it that is better. So, instead of simply telling yourself "I gotta stop going there", ask yourself, "what else can I emphasize or discuss instead?" And when you start to go into that groove, recall what you have chosen to discuss instead. And switch.

  Willyloman is right in that your experiences CAN be useful, so they shouldn't be shut out. But it sounds like you are not really trying to go to that extreme.

  bebu
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  Annanias

  O, I think you answered your own question. You state that you define yourself via the environment, people, deeds that you did while you were "inside". This is a curious statement. You go on to say that you don't have to do the defining thing with other aspects of your life, that you are quite comfortable with who you are. You seem very comfortable being on this board (or forum, or whatever), is that because you are really anonymous? Or is it because you are secure in knowing what you know about yourself now that you are "out"?
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  Lady Lee

  Odrade

  You don't say who it is you are telling this info to.

  If you are telling active JWs then I might wonder if you are trying to let them know that you weren't some fence-sitter but you were very active and in good standing - perhaps to validate your final exit

  If you are telling others who have left then I might think you are trying to find that common bond or perhaps the WTS induced status thing

  If you are telling non-JWs you might be trying to let them know that you were fully immersed in this life but once you found out about the lies you chose to leave.

  Of course there could be a lot more but I have to agree - sometimes it is hard.