Top Ten lists

by Introspection 6 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Introspection

  Here is one I cam across the other day:

  TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR
  DESK:

  10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
  
  9. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about
  in that time-management course you sent me to."
  
  8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You
  probably got here just in time!"
  
  7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
  statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

  6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
  
  5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
  work-related stress. Are you discriminating toward
  people who practice Yoga?"
  
  4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured
  out a solution to our biggest problem."

  3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

  2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

  And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

  1. " ... and in Jesus' name. Amen."

  "It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
• 

  Introspection

  Here's another:

  Ways To Make The Godfather More Appealing To Teenagers

  10. Marlon Brando gets two-foot tall sidekick, Mini-Vito
  9. Enemies now killed by the explosive flavor of snapping into a Slim Jim
  8 Three words: no Jar Jar
  7. Sonny Corleone ambushed at tollbooth by foul-mouthed South Park character
  6. Corpses of victims get dumped in Dawson's Creek
  5. Theme song by Ricky Martin, "Livin' La Cosa Nostra"
  4. Instead of organized crime, family now makes money by selling term papers
  3. Change title from "The Godfather" to "The Puff Daddy"
  2. Goodbye severed horse head, hello severed Backstreet Boy head!
  1 New title: "I Still Know Who You Whacked Last Summer"

  "It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
• 

  Introspection

  Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble
  10. Sometimes stays in bed til after 6am.
  9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
  8 Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
  7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"
  6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
  5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
  4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
  3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
  2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
  1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

  "It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
• 

  Prisca

  LOL
• 

  ZazuWitts

  Hi Introspection,

  Hahahahaha, thanks...it's always great to start the day out with a BIG laugh.
  These are 'keepers.' :)
• 

  Introspection

  Reasons the U.S. Is the Best Country on Earth

  10. No dress code
  9. We've invented this cool holiday where all we do is blow up stuff.
  8 Even a really, really dumb guy can host a talk show.
  7. Guess what nation drank the most root beer last year? France? Think again, buddy!
  6. Barney can beat the crap out of Mr. Blobby.
  5. You can go to any Gap and try on as many pants as you want.
  4. In other countries, you have to choose between breakfast and lunch. In America, we've got a little something called "brunch."
  3. Even a swollen-faced hillbilly can become president.
  2. We're on the cutting edge of Thighmaster technology
  1. Life, liberty, and Oprah

  "It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
• 

  Introspection

  Here's another, BTW most of these are from Dave Letterman:

  Things George Washington Would Say If He Were Alive Today

  10. Hey, that Donahue guy stole my wig!
  9. You need some I.D.? How 'bout this dollar?
  8. I'm on the single and that fat kite-flying weasel Ben Franklin is on the hundred?
  7. Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett?
  6. No, I'm not Barbara Bush.
  5. I'm the first president of the U.S.; what do you mean I can't get Streisand tickets?
  4. Did you see 'Seinfeld' last night? That Kramer is a riot!
  3. Ben Franklin? Gay.
  2. Would you please get your hands off Martha, Mr. Barker?
  1. My god -- Sam Dondaldson is annoying!

  "It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now