If Only the WTS Trained JWs Like Dogs

by ezekiel3 5 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • ezekiel3

    From the 8 Sep 2004 Awake! How to Train Your Dog. (Inset on page 24)

    Tips for Training a Dog

    1. Be consistant in your use of words for commands.
    2. Dogs like to hear their name, and it get their attention. So use your dog's name along with commands. ("Rover, sit!") But do not use your dog's name in conjunction with a reprimand, such as "No!" Your dog must learn that responding to its name brings positive - not negative - results.
    3. Use liberal praise as a reward. Many dogs will do more for affection than for food.
    4. Keep training sessions short and pleasurable.
    5. Do not inadvertently reinforce negative behavior by giving your dog a lot of attention when it misbehaves. This will only result in a repetition of the undesired behavior.

    And now for something completely different:

    Tips for Training a JW

    1. Change the commands, but use the same words ("New light!").
    2. Call each other "brother" or "sister", or better yet, just call everyone "brothers. ("Brothers, may I have your attention please!") But when reprimanding your JW, annouce that person's name during the Announcements.
    3. Use shepherding calls as a tool to figure out if your JW is apostate. JWs who don't eat spiritual food at the meetings won't need affection.
    4. Have long boring meetings 5 times a week that review even longer conventions and assemblies that cover subjects already written in the publications.
    5. Only pay attention to negative behavior and reinforce the behavior of your JW by insisting on a detailed confession of every sordid act in committee meetings. Make sure everyone in the congregation knows who is in the back room so they can figure out what your JW did during the next "Local Needs" talk. If your JW repeats undesired behavior, do not speak to or feed your JW, until the undesired behavior stops. Only speak to your JW if it keeps coming to you for about 9 months, but do not praise your JW for doing this by applauding.
  • MerryMagdalene

    Makes me laugh till I cry

  • ezekiel3

    I was in the process of reading your letter to your mother (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/18/77883/1.ashx), when I had to break away to add "If your JW repeats..."

    Forgive me if I make light of such a horrible policy, what else can we do?

  • Mac

    I was conditioned to pontificate after the ringing of the bell!


  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    be thorough and they'll be happy with scraps for food

  • Scully

    Here's another one you can add to your list:

    Find out what your JW wants the most, then tell them that everything they want can be had in the New System?; the only way he can get there is to survive the Great Tribulation? and Armageddon?, and that survival requires that they attend every single meeting and go door-to-door every chance they get.

    Love, Scully

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