If anybody feels up to wading through what follows and giving me any feedback on it, I would really appreciate it, but, if not, that's cool too...
letter from mom (9/29/04):
My Dear One,
I guess you know no one on earth is as dear to me as you. My greatest desire is that you come to really know our Grand Creator, Jehovah & the one to whom he has granted all authority. But only you can make that decision. I want you to be there to welcome back ones you loved & who loved you & then introduce our precious XOX [my daughter] to them. I want to take you two places with me now & see friends & family. But I also know things must be done Jehovah's way. I once told you as XOX got older & able to stay awhile w/ me our association would be less. That time is here. You were going to go to meetings in XXXXXX when you first moved back there. I hope you will be motivated to do so again. You have a precious little one who needs to learn about our great God & his beautiful, unchanging purpose. So maybe I can pick XOX up for a visit or you can drop her off for a little while so she will get used to spending time with me. I hope you won't let her get so dependent on you that she would be lost if you had to be apart for awhile. You can write letters to me for XOX to inform me of new things learned, etc.
Your loving & concerned mother
letter to mom: (I wish it was less wordy but I already cut it from 7 pages to 4 and don't know how to cut any more)
Mom,
Your letter saddens me and yet I can't help but be glad and grateful that you are my mother. I love you so much-- more than I have ever been able to say. Being a mother now myself gives me an added appreciation for what you have been to me, done for me, and have continued to do in spite of all obstacles. What an awesome privilege and amazing responsibility motherhood is! XOX is a wonder and a delight to me. She reminds me that every day is new and filled with possibility. My enthusiasm for learning and exploring is doubled as I guide and protect her growth, endeavoring to make a safe, encouraging place for her natural abilities and interests to blossom and bear fruit year after year.
Since I will be taking on the additional tasks of homeschooling, I find myself having to review and re-evaluate all my past educational experiences and current beliefs with a view to developing the larger picture of what I want her to have the opportunity to learn and by what methods. Like you, I tend to favor a natural, integrative approach based on real life experiences and daily family activities rather than classroom settings. That way, as she is forming questions and having her curiosity stimulated, we will be able to explore together ways of finding answers and experimenting with concepts that are meaningful and useful to her.
From the time she was born, I have been paying constant attention to her needs-- mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually-- trying to provide the right things at the right time, in the right way and the right amount, according to the changing requirements that are uniquely her own. It is both exciting and a little overwhelming at times. Early on I realized the importance of building on a simple yet solid foundation which I can best express in this way: Everything you do affects the rest of the world, too, and will always come back to you. This is something of a basic cause-and-effect principle, easily demonstrated and expanded upon to show the importance of considering potential consequences before speaking and acting. Therefore, in so far as it does no harm, do whatever delights you. Harm, as I define it, is the eradication or impairment of anyone's ability to live, to be well, and to exercise self-determination in all areas of one's life.
With that in mind, I have been thinking a lot about the difficulties we face as a family divided by the practice of disfellowshipping. You have been expressing your desire for me to bring XOX to meetings and to leave her with you for increasing periods of time. While there is little I would like more than for her to spend time getting to know her Grammy better and enjoying all that such a special relationship has to offer, I feel I must explain to you why I am hesitating.
I'm not quite sure where to begin or how best to express what fills my mind and heart when it comes to the practice of disfellowshipping, but I guess what bothers me most is how much you've been torn up by it, feeling that your love and loyalties were being divided between your God and your daughter, and what scares me most is the potential damage that could be done to XOX.
I know that even when you have doubts about a doctrinal point or the way something is handled by the brothers, you continue to serve Jehovah faithfully as best you can and to trust that everything will come out alright in the end as long as you remain loyal to the one organization that you believe has God's direction and blessing. But that brings up another big issue for me, one that I feel is as important to XOX's well-being as my own: that of the dangers inherent in absolute and unquestioning obedience and loyalty to any organization at all, including one run by men who claim to be anointed and guided by God's holy spirit but, somehow, not inspired by it. I'm not really sure how they could claim the one and not the other, but it does seem to enable them to simply write off the mistakes they make in interpreting and explaining the prophesies and guiding principles of the Bible as well-meaning human error, thinking they can thus be relieved of all responsibility for any harm done thereby. And I don't understand how they can call themselves a "prophet class" and then deny they are any kind of prophet at all when accused of promoting false prophesies (saying things would happen at or near a certain time in fulfillment of Bible prophesy but which didn't).
I recently found an excellent Watchtower article from August 1, 2001. If its principles can be freely applied to all beliefs and all believers, I think it very beneficial and worthy of review from time to time. Here are some quotes from it and my thoughts on how they might well be applied to the organization issuing it:
Is There a Sound Basis for Your Beliefs?
"But there is a need for caution. Some beliefs are not only different but dangerous.... How many people have met untimely deaths doing something they believed was right?"
According to the 1994 Awake! May 22: "In former times thousands of youths died putting God first. They are still doing it, only today the drama is being played out in the hospitals and courtrooms, with blood transfusions the issue." Apparently this issue has arisen from a rather unique interpretation of Leviticus 3:17. They prohibit potentially life-saving transfusions of blood (not risk-free, I know), drawn from a living human, by equating it with eating the blood of animals that were killed and either offered as a sacrifice to God (Lev. 17:10-12) or used for food (Lev. 17:13-14). By careful consideration of the context, it is evident to me that this prohibition had to do with becoming bloodguilty by killing an animal (Lev. 17:3,4). Even though Noah and his descendents were given permission to do so according to Genesis 9:3-5, God required that the blood of the dead animal be given back to him. "For the soul of the flesh is in the blood..." (Lev.17:11) If the issue is the soul or life of a dead animal being poured out through its blood, how can this possibly apply to the blood of a living human? If there is no death of the one from whom the blood is taken, then there is no soul or life lost through the blood and, therefore, no blood-guilt. What might actually be considered blood-guilty is coercing people into giving up their own lives or those of their children rather than share their life-sustaining blood with each other. Would it not be far better to leave such a weighty decision, and the risks entailed either way, to those whose lives are on the line and who must accept the consequences either way? Too many people have died over an issue that seems, at best, highly debatable.
And then their is the issue of neutrality. Why were brothers in Mexico allowed to bribe officials to obtain an "Identity Cartilla for Military Service" while thousands were being killed and tortured in Malawi, admonished by the Society not to purchase a political party card as doing so would break their Christian neutrality?
Also, consider the terrible plight of children who have been or continue to be secretly abused by members of their own congregation or family but are told to just stay quiet about it if their abuser confesses and repents, or whose pleas are ignored if there be no witnesses to corroborate their stories (and rarely are there witnesses to such deeds)...and so the abuses are able to continue unchecked.
So many families torn apart, so many precious brothers and sisters dead, emotionally and physically scarred, or grieving horrendous losses due to ever-shifting policies on blood transfusions and blood components, organ transplants, neutrality issues, disfellowshipping, and inadequate child protection policies. These are all vital issues I must take into consideration in raising my own darling girl, in addition to my own personal experiences and conflicts with what I was taught in connection with the Bible.
"Building on the ideas and philosophies of men is like building on sand." (WT 2001 August 1) Sad to say, in quote after quote, year after year, there are an abundance of mistakes, vacillations, and contradictions, not all of which are as minor as they claim in later publications. The one date they use as a cornerstone for everything else (their being God's chosen messengers, the end being near, etc.), 1914, was based on the date of Jerusalem's destruction in 607 BCE but, according to all available data (of which there is a vast amount), Jerusalem fell in 587 BCE, not 607.
And so, it is very troubling to me to see those who claim to be a "faithful and discreet slave" in service to God and Christ go on "trying to shore up mistaken beliefs" and making excuses for their short-comings while their members pay a heavy price and (out of fear of displeasing the God this organization claims to represent) fail to hold their leaders accountable, continuing to follow them this way and that, even if it means doing harm to themselves and their own families.
"Unthinking adherence to what previous generations believed and did can, in fact, be dangerous.... A wise person, therefore, does not blindly believe that something is true just because some authoritative teacher says it is.... Is not the course of wisdom, then, to make sure that what we believe actually is true and not simply what we want to believe?"
From what I have seen and experienced thus far in my life, the educational and social structure provided and enforced by the WTBTS is very different from what I am endeavoring to provide for my daughter....It is my strong opinion that a good parent and a good parental structure must allow (even encourage and Protect) freedom of thought, feeling, speech, creativity, discussion, dissent, and debate.... Good parents (like you) raise their children right from the start to become increasingly independent, teaching them sound logic and reasoning abilities (how to think more than what to think), fostering their curiosity (rather than stifling it), allowing room for experimentation and imperfection, and showing patience, compassion, and love that never fails. Unfortunately, this concept runs contrary to the strict discipline and control exercised by many organizations over their adherents.
I hope that you will not be able to read any sort of insult into this letter nor draw any kind of injury from it. That is not my intention at all. I know you've been deeply involved with the WTBTS for a very long time, have many fond memories and close ties with other members, and have believed most of what it has taught with all your mind, heart, soul, and strength, but I feel I do owe you an explanation as to why I cannot in good conscience re-involve myself with their policies and teachings. Hopefully, you will be able to understand, in the light of what I have said, why I will not be bringing XOX to meetings nor dropping her off to stay with you at this time. When she reaches an age of reason, capable of logical thinking and discrimination, I will be more comfortable with her learning about your religious beliefs and practices, and she will also be free to attend meetings then if she should wish. Until then, I will be raising her according to the simple, natural principles I described on the first page of this letter as well as those described above.
Please know that you are always welcome to call, write, and come see her. You have been a very special part of her first three years and I would very much like for you to continue to be.
With all my heart,
[me]
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