Does anyone know about ADD in adults?

by Mulan 22 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mulan

  I really need some help guys.

  My youngest son is getting married in 3 weeks to a really annoying
  young woman, 22. She has ADD and talks ALL THE TIME!! She
  knows absolutely everything about everything, in her mind, that is.
  There is no conversation that is sacred to her. She butts in and gives her two cents worth, no matter what. They have been going together for more than two years, and we have really tried hard to like her. My husband spent some time with her Saturday morning, and after they left the house, he said she is still just as annoying as the day we met her.

  I have just been listening to her tell my son how to get hired by
  the police force. She has NO knowledge of that subject AT ALL, but
  is advising him anyway. He has applied to several, and hasn't been
  hired yet. I think he will eventually, but is just still too young.
  He has all the educational and physical requirements, and passes all
  the tests, scoring very high. I wonder now if this gal is sabotaging
  the oral exams with her stellar advice to him.

  Anyway, the advice I want is how do I deal with her? She has the ADD and dyslexia, so doesn't read well. I've thought about buying her books on social manners, but she wouldn't be able to read them. I've told my son that she isn't as smart as he thinks she is, and he acknowledges that too. He actually has gotten her to stop interrupting when we are trying to talk to HIM.

  A cousin of mine has a daughter with ADD and says it is part of that disorder, and to cut her a lot of slack. But, I just want to scream when I talk to her. She just knows everything............and to make matters even worse, she is a 'Christian', who is worse than any JW I've ever met.

  I really like her parents and her sisters, who are all nothing like her. I wonder where she came from. If he was marrying her younger sister, I would be ecstatic. For the life of me I don't see his attraction to her. If she were a pretty girl, I would understand better, but she is quite plain. My other sons married women who are a lot like me, but this one is a mystery. And my son and I are very close, too. We are smiling and supportive through all of the wedding plans, and helping financially, because her family are Pastors, and so poor you wouldn't believe it.

  She was telling me the other day how to do the rehearsal dinner, as though I had had no other sons who got married, and had never done this before. Duh!! She tried to make the invitations for the bridal shower my daughter is giving this weekend, until my daughter told her very nicely, that her responsibility for the shower, is to show up. Period.

  I wonder how she will be able to keep her mouth shut during the minister's portion of the wedding service. I'm afraid she will interrupt him and tell him something he "doesn't know."

  So, any advice on dealing with adults with ADD? Or is it another problem?

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
• 

  waiting

  Hey Mulan,

  Has she seen a doctor and been prescribed for medicine - like Ridlin?

  My youngest son married a girl with ADD, (and this is not meant for ALL people with this disorder) and she drove me nuts. Was funny, highly opinionated on absolutely everything, yelled a lot, paranoid to the extreme, out of control a lot, had no concept of what credit cards were used for besides totally racking up charges (they went bankrupt within 2 years - my son wasn't any better), and finally had an affair with my son's best friend (who is almost identical acting/looking to my son) and ran away with him. She wanted someone more mature, as if she was.

  She cost me - personally - about $5,000. She worked for me and was an exception con person. And you know the kicker - I still like her! But I realize she's like poison to me, so we don't visit much.

  My son survived her, is now in college, and doing well. Oh-so-much-better, in fact.

  I'm sure not all are like this - but ADD is real, and can totally interfere with a person and/or family.

  Good luck.

  waiting
• 

  Mulan

  I think when she was a child, she took it briefly, but it reacted badly on her. I've tried to give her some herbal ones, that are similar, but she won't take them. Says she can't take that combination of herbs. She works at a hospital, in the lab, so also knows everything there is to know about medicine. (NOT)

  Thanks for your input. At least it seems this is the problem.

  It occurred to me a year ago, that she is very much like the boy who was his best friend while he was growing up. That fellow now won't have anything to do with him, because we aren't dubs anymore. So, maybe he substitute a girl for the guy.........but he doesn't have to MARRY her. Oh well. I think it's a done deal.

  My other sons are saying he is going to contaminate our gene pool.
• 

  Maximus

  ::She works at a hospital, in the lab, so also knows everything there is to know about medicine. (NOT)

  Mmmm. Know the type. "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

  I do have a close friend who is an adult with Dx of ADD. Went the Ritalin route earlier but then had a gold standard neurological workup several years ago. Meds adjustment worked wonders, some coping therapy as well which included relaxation techniques, and he followed up a master's in theology and is going after a doctorate.

  He doesn't exhibit any of the personality quirks you describe, and did not before. Tongue in cheek, I tell you this girl seems to have traits I see on this board from time to time.

  I'm not awfully optimistic about her changing, unless some cosmic experience modifies her behavior, or she really wants to change vis a vis others. Seems to be more than ADD.

  My $0.02. Hoping for the best.

  Warmly,
  Maximus
• 

  joelbear

  I work with a man who was diagnosed as ADD at the age of 45. So it does happen. He is on medication to control it and says he is much happier.

  I know that my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) certainly makes me a pain to be around when it is acting up. With some medication and a lot of hard work I keep it under control most of the time.

  As someone with mental health problems I would give this advice:

  1. Do not enable her. My friends and my partner Mitch challenge me immediately when they see me sinking into my sickness. For this I am very thankful. For years, people would just play into my sickness and tiptoe around me. This just made me worse and worse and I lost many friends because of my terrible behavior. It is not bad to insist on proper behavior from someone who has a mental problem.

  2. If you truly suspect she may have a mental illness, even if slight, insist that she see a doctor. People are often shy about suggesting this to someone with mental sickness because they are afraid of hurting their feelings. Mental illness is just as serious and debilitating as cancer. Again, I am thankful Mitch made me go get help. Im not cured, but I am healthier.

  hugs

  Joel
• 

  ZazuWitts

  Hi Marilyn,

  I concur with Maximus - it's difficult to diagnose this young woman's problem, clinically, and it could be beyond the ADD, Dyslexia label.

  But, I will say that I have dealt with people such as her, and what I am forced to do is point my finger directly at them and say, "Puhleeeeze, you have interrupted me, stop talking until I've finished, and I will let you know when I'm done talking." You will, of course, find yourself saying this often - but it did shut people up.!!!

  If she doesn't like it, well, then sometimes the cards fall where they may. Even if she does have ADD, and/or reading problems - she has EARS. So, IMO, it's time to 'get in her face' and force her to focus on her behavior. :)
• 

  logical

  Erm, what is ADD?
• 

  Mulan

  ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder. There is also ADHD, which adds hyperactivity to the mess.
• 

  Jang

  This can be part of the ADD problem Mulan (not the Dyslexia though). My youngest son is ADD and there are days when he can really get going but not like this - all the time.

  One problem these kids have is the taunting by other children, and resultant lack of self esteem and adequacy. When my sons is low is when he behaves more like your future d-i-l. Could it be that hers is so low that she feels driven to boost it all the time to stay on top of it all?

  Rather than have her talk about current matters, talk to her about her childhood and the ADD and dyslexia and how she coped. Talk about the difficulties she faced and so on ....and give her lots of strokes for her efforts in overcoming them. Tell her that you appreciate that this can still cause problems in adults, and you are only too happy to help her continue to overcome those problems, and that maybe the next time you talk you can both discuss some of those problems she may have now and work out some way of helping when she needs it.

  Then after the wedding you can start the next conversation .... how to help her.

  JanG
  CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
  Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/
• 

  Lindy

  Hmmm...Two of my children were diagnosed as having ADD as adults. My son is 33 and my daughter is almost 22. My son is very quiet, smart and very reserved. His only problem seems to be in knowing how to make better judgements with people and what he is doing with his life. Those things are getting better but I see that it will never be all okay. He is not on meds.
  My daughter is on meds but not ritalin. She tried that and a couple other things. The one that helps her the most is Paxil. She also has judgement problems but seems to be figuring things out faster than my son. She is also very reserved. They are both very social when they know you though.

  Maybe a lot of this girl's problems could be connected with an inferiority complex and the problem could be other things along with the ADD. My granddaughter's mom used to talk all the time, repeating things over and over in conversations. She thought she knew a lot too. Now that she has gotten her life together and has furthered herself with education she has become a lot nicer to be around. She thinks more of herself than before and that helps. Sometimes when people think they are dumb, so as to cover it over, they pretend to be authorities on everything. Just a thought. Goes along with the dyslexia. If she feels stupid because she can't read well then maybe she is letting everyone know she is not stupid by the things she says.

  I wish you well with this, it isn't going to be easy, as you already can see.

  Lindy