the final chapter, part nine, the journey home.
Part 8 was posted on 21-Apr-02 and since then allot has happened.
I moved in with my parents on December 8 th , 2001. my whole family was glad to have me back in their lives. Even though we lived only 25 miles away from each other, we had grown apart. Mostly because my (now) ex-wife didn?t like my family, she thought they were dysfunctional, and not ?spiritual.? Shame on me for not keeping close to my own family, in spite of her.
I very soon learned that the life I was living was such a mess. I was shocked at the way I was treated by my family. Shocked in a good way. The very next Monday after I moved in, my coffee was ready when I got up, my lunch was made for me and my sister and mother would fight over who was going to get to do my laundry! I never had it so good. I?m a hard worker, and work long days, and to have that kind of thing done for you, after 18 years of doing it all myself (in spite of being married) was, well, I was taken aback. I didn?t know what to think, but enjoyed the luxury, gratefully!
Gwen and I started seeing each other. We couldn?t stay away from each other.
On my way home from work, I would stop at Gwen?s place and we would share some quiet time together. It didn?t take long to realize that Gwen is a wonderful woman, loving kind, and she made me feel so damn good about myself, and, about us. We were made for each other, and that was obvious, to anyone who see?s us together. my mother said to me, you two just belong together. I agree! So about 4 months after leaving jw land, we moved in together, or rather, I moved in with Gwen. Since then we have become inseparable. And will always remain so.
About this same time I started feeling the pressure of the elders in my old hall. More of them were emailing me asking how I was, and even hinted at a ?meeting? to see what was up. I in no way wanted to ever return to the ?vomit? like a dog, so I immediately sent in my d.a. letter.
So it was now over with the jw?s. at least I can somewhat put that behind me.
About this same time, around the spring of 2002, I filed for divorce. Unknown to me, the ex-wife had filed for support. Let me tell you, in the state of Massachusetts, Bristol county, if a woman (or man) says they need support, they are going to get it. And get it she did, about 175.00 per week, she got it. I didn?t have at the time the necessary expenses to offset that, so I was stuck. Mind you she refused to look for or take on a full time job. To this day she only works part time, to punish me. HER WORDS! She was going to make me pay, or so she said. This continues till now, up until 9-2-2004. during this two and a half year stretch it was nothing but stress and aggravation as she would go back and forth between her lawyer and mine, spending thousands of our dollars with idiotic crap, and playing a waiting game. The courts were petitioned for a pre trial hearing in October of 2003. I waited almost a year before getting a court date. In Massachusetts if you can get close to an agreement, on your pre-trial date, you can conceivably close the deal and have your divorce. I was hoping for two things. Get my alimony reduced and get my divorce done and over with!
In the last 3 years since I left those worlds behind me, my ex-wife has never, not once contacted me, other that a few calls right in the beginning, after I left. She has not bothered me with calls, visits or letters of any sort. Fine by me! I would have hung up, torn up a letter or called the police if she came to my front door. I wanted nothing to do with her. The many years of emotional blackmail abuse and tearing me down were over for me. It was time to start rebuilding the man that I knew I was, and that was a difficult thing to do when you?re so removed from yourself for all those years. Well, I got back on tack, and I?m doing fine. Financially, the support was killing me, but other than that, I have no stress at home, and nothing major at work, so I needed to get this divorce over with, and get something done about the ?punishment? I was getting handed to me every week.
So imagine my surprise at the call I get from my lawyer the night before our pre trial. She tells me she ran into my ex wife?s lawyer, and she told her that my ex wants to reconcile! I was stunned! How do you figure that? I said, no way, I?m getting divorce, and that?s that. No chance of reconciling this. I want out, and I want it tomorrow! My lawyer laughed, she said, I know.
So, here comes the plaintiff, (that?s me!) on 9.2.2004, ready to do battle with the jw ex-wife, and the terrible court system we have in Massachusetts. First off we are supposed to meet, the 4 of us, with the court councilor, the family services officer. She looks at the financials and says, looks like we should be reducing his alimony. SHE DOES?NT WANT TO HEAR IT! Remember, I?m still being ?punished?. (oh, we were supposed to meet together the 5 of us, but my ex couldn?t be in the same room with me! This from someone who wants to reconcile? Confusing to say the least!) I said look, Jolee (my lawyer) I want it reduced. I?m no idiot and I realize I can?t make this go away. So I want it reduced to 100.00 per week, and if she can?t agree to that, I want to see the judge.
The judge I had been warned was a tough old bird and loved to hand out the alimony. I told my lawyer, I?m going to shoot myself in the foot, but I am not leaving here today a defeated man. I want my divorce, and I want my alimony reduced. If I have to roll the dice with the judge, I will, lets do it.
I?m very good with rolling the dice.
In the court room?..
We go before the judge. Before the judge comes out she reads the court memorandums that are prepared by both lawyers. Mine was 10 pages in length, outlining the abuse, some personal issues, and her lack of effort in supporting herself. There are no children of this marriage, no real estate, so its cut and dry. Out come the judge, and she reviews the financial of both of us, and take a deep breath and looks at them, and says a reduction is in order here. I?d suggest 125-150. go work it out. WOO HOO!
Out I go for a smoke and another consultation with my lawyer. I told her, you know what I want. I want 125 but I?ll settle for splitting the difference. Ok, she goes off to talk to them. She comes back, and says, she won?t budge. She want her 175.00 to punish you for leaving. I said fine, she can piss off the judge and tell her that, lets go, right now.
I wasn?t playing around. I knew I was in the drivers seat, and I knew where I was going. Back in the court room we went. After 10-15 minutes, her lawyer wants to talk. She?s talked some sense into her, and she has come down to the ?splitting the difference? and we are now very close to having a divorce decree. But, she wants me to sign a letter, (something the courts won?t entertain at all) stating she is scripturally free to remarry. I have no problem with that, as it?s in my best interest that she do so. But I won?t have that handed over until I get my divorce, and not until the judge says I have one.
The rest went through ok, back before the judge. I was granted a divorce that will become finalized on or about 12-1-2004. she fought and tormented me through the entire 5 hour ordeal. But I am now a free man, free of the jw?s, free of the abuse and controlling woman who tormented me for so many years.
I say free, but it?s a freedom to marry the one woman I realize is and has been so special to me. I?ve learned allot over these last few years. Gwen is a great person, and her love overflows each and very day. I told her when I was a kid I used to have a vision of what I thought a relationship with someone would be like. The bonding, love, caring, taking care of each other, all the good things that go into being a couple, mates, husband and wife.
We have that! And more. Each and every day we are together, is a blessing. I?m a very lucky man to have such a wonderful woman in my life that wants me as much as I want her.
So that?s it. The end, the final chapter. The voyage home was a rough ride. In the end it was worth weathering each and every storm I have faced over the last 21 years. I have nothing but good to look forward to, a life full of happiness and love, with the most special person anyone could ever want have or desire. i also have a great family back in my life once again.
There may be an epilog I write to this, but it will be short and sweet.
Part 10, Wedding day???