? for victims of severe emotional trauma ...dream threapy

by LyinEyes 10 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

LyinEyes

This question is directed to those who still endure painful nightmares, nightterrors or disturbing dreams years after emotional abuse, physical abuse, child abuse,,,,both physical and sexual.
I am interested in any ideas some of you may have from your own experiences with dealing with dreams , maybe advice from Dr's, any other health professionals, books, or just your own ways of working these things out.
I have always since I was a very young child had very vivid , realistic dreams. I have always enjoyed my dreams when they are good , because they have helped me to look deep within myself . I have enjoyed the dreams that bring back to my mind past events of good times in my life, that really happened. It is sometimes like watching a movie of past things that happened , just so much clearer than when I am awake, the details of even houses I lived in are so clear, as if I am really back in a certain house, that kind of thing.
Especially since leaving the borg,,,,, I have had so many unsettleing dreams about many things........mostly they are dreams of emotions at this point , a few memories are coming back, and I feel that it is the beginning of an awaking of repressed memories. The reason I know this is not just something that my mind is making up, just dreams,,, is that I do recall things that really did happen and can confirm them with my sister.
Here lately, I have been dreaming alot about emotions as I said, feelings of being a victim. Things such as running away from someone, driving a car with no control, having to cross over dangerous frozen ice to get to where I need to be, feeling abandonned, losing someone in death, being betrayed,so you get the idea of how I am feeling.
I wake up and I know I was just dreaming but I feel the emotions as if they are valid. It affects how I feel durning the day.
I am wondering if I am dreaming like this still ,after leaving the borg two years ago, because even thou the childhood abuse, the traumatic death of my Mother,happened so long ago,,,,,,,, is because I have just now started dealing with the pain and lose?
I read in a book,,,,,,,,that sometimes when you go thru alot of trauma you can sometimes subconsciously turn off emotions, making it hard to feel emotions normally, to show affection etc. Most of the terrible things I went thru all came to a head so to speak, when I was 17, 18. I feel I have ignored so many emotions , especially as a JW, putting grief , pain, sorrow on hold waiting for Jehovah to take it all away in the New World...... Of course I know that is not going to happen,,,,,,,so here I am knowing I have to deal with the emotions of the past.
I kind of think what has happened in my emotional recovery of past traumatic experiences is likened to why doctors don't want people who are grieving to stay on tranqualizers for a long period of time, after the shock of a horrible death for example, because it only delays the grief and the stages you go thru needed to heal.
I feel that may be what is going on,,,,,,, I am in some kind of slow process of even more emotional awakening.
So,,,,,,,,,,I just want to use the only avenue I have of getting to the root of these painful emotions I am feeling,, those I feel thru dreams.
I have been writing down the dreams, but I wonder if anyone has had experience in how to direct the dreams ,,,,,,maybe ideas with people who have lucid dreams,,,,I have dreamed many times that I am dreaming and have told myself to wake up because I didnt like the dream. I dont want to run from the dreams but find some kind of way to work thru this.
Thanks for reading this and I would appreciate any feelings you have on your dreams, healing thru them and any ideas..... I sure hope this post makes sense because it is hard to really explain how I am feeling,,,,,,lol.
StinkyPantz

It's so weird that you bring this up Dede.. I don't want to discuss it.. but I'm eager to read other comments.
kls

For me this is a touchy subject . Yes you can have repressed memories and yes the mind has a great way of shutting down to save the mind. I have gone through what you describe and have learned to deal with it in my nightmares. Within the past ten years a flood of memories has rushed in and i were to say here no one would probably believe it. As i think about it it is like it is some one else's life and not mine. Go with your dreams and remember it is the past and then rationalize what happen. The mind can hide trauma and when you are ready it will bring it back at a time you can handle.
Rabbit

Eyes, that is a tough subject.
There seems to be a real disagreement, even among psychologists whether or not 'repressed' memories are real...or the result of suggestion. This, they say can be explained thru just about anything you read, hear or see. It can also be, because of what each individual may have really experienced.
As far as dreams go...I don't know whether to trust them or not. You mentioned 'controling dreams'...this may sound weird, but, many times, if I have a nightmare or some dreams that shake me to my roots...after I awaken and stop shakin', lol...I can 're-enter' my dreams and change them ! I simply make a 'suggestion' to myself to have a 'good' ending, I go back to sleep and it 'changes'...I remember both of them, but, it's a good ending.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who can do this, so, I'd like to here from somebody else, so I won't feel so odd.
My point is...dreams can be influenced. Doesn't mean they are not true.
I confused things, didn't I?
Big Tex

Dede, you've hit on one of my favourite subjects. I believe in dreams. I believe that dreams are the portal to the subconscious and one way to find out what is going on beneath the surface. I learned through therapy, how to focus on my dreams and eventually how to control what I dream. It was very empowering and maybe the single most important turning point in my recovery. I don't know about you, but I dream in colour, with sound, often music and sometimes even special effects (sounds like a movie).
For victims of abuse, there are tremendous, huge bubbling pools of information. Most of the time the information is too intense to face in the conscious and awake mind, so the issues are buried. But just because they are buried, doesn't mean they are not there or they are not real. They are. And they come out in the dream state. There are few things you said that jump out at me, I'll tell you what I know about dreams and, if you don't mind, what I hear from what you've said.
I have had so many unsettleing dreams about many things........mostly they are dreams of emotions at this point , a few memories are coming back, and I feel that it is the beginning of an awaking of repressed memories

It is very common for victims to dream about emotions. You are right that this is the beginning. But what is very important is your mind is showing what is important first. It is showing you the feelings that you have buried. This is what is more important than the data that will come later. Yes you do need to know some events, and you need to acknowledge some traumas, but how you feel about those events is more important than the actual event. You have buried deep inside you, a little girl who is very tough, very intelligent and who saw everything. She needs to talk to you. Accept what she says, even though it will be painful, and difficult.
Things such as running away from someone, driving a car with no control, having to cross over dangerous frozen ice to get to where I need to be, feeling abandonned, losing someone in death, being betrayed

You yourself understand the symbology. I will tell you from my own experience, that your inner child will often use symbols to communicate with you. Running away, falling, driving a car with no control and so on are indications of you feel about yourself. You feel out of control. You've held these feelings inside for so long, controlled them so well, but now they are starting to come out and you are feeling like you are losing control. But you're not. Again, there is someone that needs to say something. Listen to her. Trust it, go with it as the more you fight it, the more difficult it is to get to the other side.
I kind of think what has happened in my emotional recovery of past traumatic experiences is likened to why doctors don't want people who are grieving to stay on tranqualizers for a long period of time, after the shock of a horrible death for example, because it only delays the grief and the stages you go thru needed to heal.

There you go. See what I mean? You know, instinctively. You are a highly intelligent, creative and strong woman. You had to be to survive what you did. Realize you did what you had to do to survive. You used an emotional credit card. You couldn't deal with these feelings back then. You had to put it off until later. You had to get through it somehow.
Well, you did it. You did survive. But now those feelings, very justified, and memories are still there leaking out now into your dream mind. The little girl you were needs to talk to someone. She needs to tell someone what happened, and how she felt about what happpened. I will also tell you, that you cannot nor should not do this on your own. You need to talk to a professional. Yes, you can talk to me or Denny, but you also need a guide to help you through the maze. It is easy to lose your way.
But I want you to ground yourself in the knowledge you can get through this. Believe in yourself. Do you still have my phone number? If I can help, please call.
Chris
darkuncle29

Have you heard of Core Image Removal therapy before? A person can do this for themself or a therapist can walk you through it. The term Core Image refers to any mental image or memory that causes fear, pain or other negative emotions. These can be nightmares, fragments of memories, actual experiences or even fantasy/imagination.
What you do is not actually remove or delete the memory, but difuse the emotional conection to it. The natural healing process is somewhat like that, in that over time, the memory is still there, but it no longer triggers extream emotional response.
If you are able to have lucid dreams this might be easier for you to work with, but that is not a requirement.
If you want to know more, I have a book that talks about this that I can post some info from.
Billygoat

So weird...I was just talking in chat about my dreams lately. My dreams are very vivid too. I've had them where I can taste and smell and see in color. Vivid color. When my dreams are good, they are amazing, movie-like. When they're bad, they're terrifying...very vivid.... Sometimes in good dreams, I realize it's a dream and it wakes me up. But bad ones, I never realize it's just a dream...I'm stuck.
But lately, I've had lots of dreams about tornadoes. A typically theme in my nightmares. In my dream, it's usually about sunset time and it's terribly windy. The places I'm at are always different. One dream, I was vacationing with Neil and his parents at a Hilton in Houston. It was downtown and we could look out our room window and see this massive tornado coming. F5 sized. As it gets close, I notice some other smaller, skinny tornados. There are more and more coming. I counted up to 15 that time. I was panicked as I couldn't find my cat. The rest of my pets were back at home, so I knew they were safe, but I was terrified that my cat would get killed. Neil and I were frantic trying to find him before the tornado hit. We finally find him in the bar, hiding behind some boxes of glasses, mewing in fear. Neil grabs him and we're fighting the crowd of hotel guests to find a safe spot, but Neil and I get split up. I'm scared because I can't see him and the crowd is pushing us farther apart.
In another dream, I was in Kansas (where I used to live) and was hanging clothes on the clothesline with a friend. Same situation. We see a huge F-5 sized tornado, but there are about 8 other tornadoes around. The clothes I'm hanging are flying away, the screen door is slamming in the wind, the cats are howling, but I can't find them. Where are they? They're going to get hurt if I don't find them, but they are no where to be found. Terrifying. I barely get into the cellar in time myself. I find myself alone, sobbing because I've left my animals to fend for themselves. I feel so guilty for just saving myself and not getting my cats in time.
Last night I had another dream. Neil and I are at home (but it's not our current house) and we see the tornado coming. We're scrambling in the backyard trying to round up our two cats and two dogs. But they're kinda freaked out and run everytime we try to grab them. They're barking and meowing and won't sit still. Thunder is pounding around me. The dozen or so tornadoes get closer and closer and the wind is slapping my hair so I can't see anything. Neil finally gets one of the cats, but she's scratching the hell out of him because she's scared. I just stop and stare at the tornado, thinking "It's coming straight for me. It's going to demolish my house." Neil is standing at the front door yelling at me to get inside. I look at the tornado again as it screams closer. It's then that I realize the tornado wants Neil!!! But can't get him without demolishing the house. I start crying because I realize I'm about to lose my husband and our new home and all our pets. I want Neil to know that I love him. But I can't say it fast enough. The wind is screeching around me and I lose sight of Neil at the door. I wake up crying, hearing thunder in real life as it storms outside this morning. Neil is laying next to me, breathing deeply and calmly...sound asleep.
LyinEyes

Chris, that was a very informative reply,, I can indentify with what you are saying. I really appreciate the way you said that the little girl I was, needs to tell me something, or at least to listen to how she is feeling. Finally, I guess after all of these years she ....me ,,,hehe found someone she can trust huh? It is strange to refer to myself in the third person , but that is the only way to look at it since I am dealing with the young child me rather than who I am right now. That makes sense , since the things that happened to me were when I was young and even thou I am an adult now,,,,,,,the feelings in my dreams are those of a 7 or 8 yr old. I always say that age, and I have often wondered why. I think it is probably because something more traumatic than usual might have happened at that age. I do know somethings, there are memories of my mom at that time, going to a rehab after being out of it on drugs , walking in the rain, in her gown, red rain coat , in the middle of a busy road. She was really addicted to pain pills at that time, because a few weeks before she had a total hysterctomy , she was very young. This was also a bad time for her, in her troubled relationship with her mother. My grandmother was a cruel woman, just as an example, at this time she told my mother that by having the hysterectomy,,,,,that my father wouldnt want her sexually anymore because she could never give him more children. My mother was very young, and in later years she told me how badly this hurt her. But anyway,,,,,,,,that was how it was growing up........so many times things like this was going on.
Rabbit,,,,,,,,, I can go back and pick up where I left off in dreams,,,,,I remember doing this when I was a little girl as well, so I dont think it is weird at all......
DarkUncle that does sound like an interesting book, I am interesting in how this is done.
Billygoat,,,,,,,my dreams are exactly like you said, very vivid, very much like a movie. I dream in color, sound, smell ( that sense is very strong in my dreams) , and my dreams are most of the time more realistic , making more sense than some who have dreams where nothing makes sense. There is a logical order in my dreams and they are not usually far fetched, if that makes any sense,,,lol.
I also have the tornado dreams. I used to have more of them as a JW and right after leaving the borg, because the tornadoes in my dreams usually had to do with Armeggedon. I guess all of those publications with the pictures of Armeggedon with tornadoes affected me , and plus growing up in our area we have been afraid of tornadoes since we were little. And , like you said the tornadoes are HUGE.
I talked to a doctor one time and telling him about how horrible some of my dreams where,,,,,,without going into graphic detail here, some of my dreams are very bloody scenes. The doctor told me that alot of times when you dreams alot about blood and violence together in dreams, it is a sign of abuse in the past,,or something very, very traumatic.
I know everyone's dreams and symbolism in the dreams are going to be specfic to that person, but I would like to get a book that gives some explanations of some of the common symbols we all have . I think our dreams are so fasinating because they are so unique to us, and I really beleive they are a key to the past and to our deepest emotions.
Big Tex

I hope I didn't say too much Dede. This is a subject (one of the few) about which I actually know something, and so when someone else is living through it, I feel a sense of sympatico (fellow feeling). I hope I didn't come across too strong.
It is strange to refer to myself in the third person , but that is the only way to look at it since I am dealing with the young child me rather than who I am right now

Most of us have an inner child, but none are more pronounced than the inner child of an abuse victim. My avatar is my inner child. He's a cool little guy.
I always say that age, and I have often wondered why. I think it is probably because something more traumatic than usual might have happened at that age

I remember you mentioning this age before. I think you already know the answer but go at your own speed.
LyinEyes

Chris, as we have talked about these things many times, I have never felt you stay too much , I always appreciate your thoughts on matters. When I started posting on this site about these very personal things I have been thru , am going thru,,,,,,,, I was ready to lay it all out on the table. So I think I am in a good place to let the converstation flow , listen to others viewpoints on these topics without feeling so triggered that it disturbs me.
Talking about our inner child reminds me of something I did the other day. I saw something in my son's room lying on the floor , it just caught my attention. It was an old t-shirt I wore when I was 6 or 7 it was so little. I was so shocked I have no idea where the shirt came from, it has been 20 yrs since I have seen that shirt. The kids must have found it in a box of my old stuff and were playing with it , with their stuffed bears I guess. The shirt had my name on it, and my dad's business name on the back. We used to go to the mall at a place called TShirts Plus, back in the 70's it was so popular to have those iron transfers of all kinds of things on a tshirt,, do you remember that ..? lol.
Anyway , it was a blast from the past and caught me off guard, and I took it to show Denny. He smiled and we talked about how young I was when I wore that little old faded shirt. I got the shirt and put it over my shoulder and just hugged it, as if I were hugging the little Dede , because the shirt had DEDE on the front. I don't know why I did that, I just felt like hugging little Dede.......lol. So I guess that was very symbolic of me hugging the child Dede.
I read in a book one time how we should get a picture of ourself when we were young and to look at the picture in a different way than from just looking at it . The book said to look closely at the picture, to study the expression, to feel for the child that we once were. I have done that many times, especially in my recovery from the borg stuff. It does help to seperate what we went thru, what we felt at the time , and who we were at the time, a child and who we are today. It is almost a feeling like you are your own parent,comforting yourself because no one did back then.
It is so wonderful to be able to talk about this and I really appreciate all who have shared in this discussion, because it helps so much.
Hugsssssssss, Dede

? for victims of severe emotional trauma ...dream threapy

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