by WinterFalcon 30 Replies latest social relationships
Welcome Winter
Sorry you are being "played"......I read your experience and have encountered many "red flags" with this individual.
As Dr. Phil says: Don't invest more emotionally than you are prepared to loose.
This young man wants to commit with another person.
It was a learning experience for you.....now is the time for you to find a "healthy" relationship.
Please take care of "you".....and looking forward to more of your posts.
hugs,
Codeblue
WOW! Everyone has been so nice. Thank you all so much for your advice. Let me say that I do have a normal healthy life. I belong to a gym, am in a walking group here where I live, go out regularly with other friends, I do have a job (part time, outside the home, as well as the fact I am working on a book on my *own* time, lol ), am an avid reader and have never really had much desire to date. I have nothing against it, I am not avoiding it, and if I should happen to find someone to share my life with, that is wonderful and I will embrace it, but if I don't, then I am okay with that as well. I've just never actively gone out "looking for a man".
I am beginning to see a pattern here with your responses. LOL, I guess my friendship is over. That saddens me in so far as I don't like losing a friend, but I guess he wasn't as much a friend to me as I was to him. I do try, despite everything to give everyone a second chance with me. I know that people make mistakes, and I know surely that I am far from perfect, so for me, I will bend over backwards to make something work. I am not foolish enough to keep doing that (well with my children maybe). Live and Learn.
Good for you! I guess maybe you already knew all of this huh? Sometimes just hearing it coming from another person or people is what it takes though, isn't it? Nice to have you here, hope you'll poke around the board a little bit.
Odrade
Hi WinterFalcon, welcome to the forum! You sound like a terrific person to me.
However, I must say, in response to this suggestion:
I would still like for us to have a friendship, if that is at all possible.
This is not even remotely possible. I don't judge this fellow, he's just a human being struggling along, using you in a very big way, but friends you are not.
I really think you are concerned about abandoning him.
Please don't give it a second thought - he's fine, really; you were very good to him, but you are not responsible to him for anything. You will not be guilty of anything when you just walk away. This is a toxic relationship! It's just an illusion. You sound very strong, so you'll be fine...once you distance yourself from the whole mess - and be assured that he will be too, so don't feel guilty about him.
I guess that suggestion that I feel guilty for abandoning him is pretty close to the truth. I thought about it all night, and it's really close to the mark. He's a good person deep down, who's got some serious issues that I can't help out with. He's going through some very difficult times right now. I spoke to the 'mutual friend' of ours last night as well, and I gather that JJ is very, very depressed.
His affair with this woman is an off again, on again, thing I think. I know that is difficult in normal life, but I am beginning to see that for a JW it's a whole different story. He's young, and has lived his whole life in a small town in the midwest, raised by very devout JW's, lives at home, and from the little he's told me, it seems like he wants to move away, but as he put it "obligations keep me here, no matter what I may want". This mutual friend told me that really most of JJ's connection to the outside world is the internet. He's done things like gone to visit this mutual friend before and stayed for a couple of weeks, but I was told he did little while he was there, hardly leaving the house spending most of his time on the computer.
This married woman he's been seeing, I was told, was using him/is using him to get out of her own marriage, yet she wants JJ to be the one to take care of her now. She has a child with her husband, and like I said, she's 28 and JJ is only 19. He works part time, and lives at home with his parents. She is the first girlfriend for him, the one he lost his virginity too, and he's always been quiet, shy and withdrawn.
So my friend told me that JJ was going through hell, as he was being shunned, and was wanting what he wanted, but also wanted to keep his family happy, and now there is some kind of dispute between families going on?????
I don't know. I don't understand what he is going through, and it sounds like it must be living hell for anyone to be going through this. I don't understand a lot of the behaviours and belief's. I guess I feel like I am letting him down by not being there for him, even though it was pretty much a one was street thing. Maybe I am a product of my age, and how I was brought up.
I don't think I would be capable of being a good JW or friend to one, if what I am reading/hearing is true, because I am not able to 'toe the line' like it seems they expect. I would have a hard time accepting a lot and keeping my mouth shut. LOL, I am pretty vocal when I am passionate about something. I don't mind going toe to toe with someone, and I would hate to do that with someone I considered a friend.
I enjoy life too much for that type of belief system. I take pleasure in things, and see the wonder and joy mother nature provides every single day. I know that my time on this planet is very, very limited, and I want to make the most of the experience.
I do know that I've told everyone I know, that no matter what happens in your life you need to make the very most of every single day, make yourself happy first and foremost because if you can't make yourself happy then how can you do that same for anyone else?, and lastly live for the day. My husband was killed very unexpectedly nearly 7 years ago. He left for work in the morning, kissed me goodbye and that was the last time I saw him alive. He was only 25 yrs old. Live and enjoy each day like it could be your last because if very well could be. Don't put off doing things saying...well, I'll do it later, do it NOW. Tell those you care about how you feel, instead of "getting around to it". Just be happy.
I am glad I found this place.
Oh and Stefanie ~ No need to warn me about Jared & his horniness, the smart money is giving him the warning about me!
Oh and Stefanie ~ No need to warn me about Jared & his horniness, the smart money is giving him the warning about me!
and what do you mean by that?
I mean, I have been celibate for 7 years. Prior to that the longest I went without sex with my husband was 4 days (after the birth of our son). I can out horny you any day of the week!!!
I don't know if it's worth throwing my two cents in, but I just wanted to say that I hope everything works out for you. It's amazing how the heart works and who it leads us to. It seems to ignore such things as age, status, religion, etc... and sometimes that works to our benefit and sometimes it doesn't. Certainly someone who simply reads your posts and far removed from the situation can easily cast it off and say "he's to young" / "you're just lonely" / "he played you" etc...but appreciating that you've invested much in this relationship, I truly hope that you are able to find happiness be it with or without JJ as a friend or as more...
Cheers!
but is upset and angry with him for his behavior as what he did is "bad, bad, bad in Jehovah's eyes
It's bad in anybody's eyes. You say you wont judge him? I will. He was boning his BEST FRIEND'S WIFE!!!!
He's disloyal. Kind, funny, charmihg, BFD!!!! Anyone who screws their best friends wife is a piece of crap, especially if it's still going on!! People can change, later on he may be Gahndi. But right now, he's a piece of crap.
Welcome to the board. I think he was not very nice in that he totally lead you on. He was only thinking of himself if you ask me, and his own needs. A true friend wouldn't have done that to you. He sounds way too messed up. You have it together, your more mature. Maybe just a tad bit horny. Find a young hot man. But definately not that guy. He can have the JW girl. What a mess. (((((((hugs)))))))) panther
