Should I respond ....................

by happehanna 10 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  happehanna

  I was sent a scan of parts of last Sundays Watchtower from my father yesterday and he hadn't really made any effort to talk to me of anything WTS in the last year or so.

  The watchtower is about spiritually weak ones Blondie did a great synopsis on it.

  Not sure how to respond, in the past when he sent emails about returning I normally ignore them these days and only respond to the family and normal topics.

  However I don't want to rock the boat too much with my parents as they are old and really lovely people just very misled, they have been JWS for nearly 50 years.

  But it hurts me when they say that they pray every day for me to return to Jehovah as I am the only one in a very large family who is no longer a JW................ I know that they are genuine and I have hurt them by becoming inactive.
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  Gadget

  When I first said I wasn't going back, somebody mentioned the next watchtower study in a similar way to you and I posted off a print out of Blondies review in reply. They didn't even read it, just passed it onto the elders. My parents were pretty upset when they found out about it and disowned me for a while although they are fine with me now. I would put a lot of thought into it before sending a reply.
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  shotgun

  Sounds like you already know what you want to do, which I think is the truly loving course. One which you have been following...ignore it and respond to the ones as you have in the past.

  On this point

  But it hurts me when they say that they pray every day for me to return to Jehovah

  I've been told that too...now if they say that I ask them with a smile to pray for my financial prosperity while they're at it.
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  Netty

  I feel your pain to a "t". I too have so much I wish I could bring to my parents attention, but as twisted and brainwashed as this cult has them, it would only devestate them, break their hearts. So, I agree with the way you have been doing it so far, this is exactly what I do. yes, it is very frustrating, you feel like you could scream you are just bursting with so much you want to say. I think you should do like you have been, just skip right over the topic, its an email so you dont have to respond, to that topic anyhow. Just write back and ask how he is doing, tell him you love him, something else, but something positive.
• 

  blondie

  Hi happehanna,

  It is difficult, isn't it. I had my discussion with my parents years ago. Mine centered around my JW father's abuse of me and my siblings. He was dealt with judicially and privately repoved but now he denies it all and said he lied to the elders just to get things settled. My mother tells us she stayed with him because she was afraid of losing her husband, so she let the abuse continue. Even now she won't take any responsibility for her nonaction. So I haven't talked to them for over 9 years.

  Just remember that because you no longer attend meetings at the KH and tell people that JWs are the only true religion, it doesn't mean you left God. I am sure to let the few JWs I know that I still read the mags (they just don't know the real reason) and that I study the Bible, pray every day, and talk to people about my beliefs. They still don't understand but it will give them something to meditate on.

  I would take it slow, just a point to think on each time you can. Plant a seed and water it regularly.

  Children and parents are disappointing each other every day. That's because we are individuals not clones.

  Blondie
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  happehanna

  Thank you for your response and it is so true that just because we leave the religion/cult of JW it doesn't mean that we dont feel the hurt of our parents.

  I shall do as Blondie says take it slow and plant a seed every now and then in fact I did say to my mum that if I did return I would have to check everything properly from the grass roots up and I mentioned briefly about 607 and how could I God of love allow his people to be misled about the Generation.

  The best way I believe in like Netty say to be positive and show them I am still their daughter and happier now than I have been for a long time.

  Shotgun I dare not mention money to them as there will be a cheque in the post the next day and I don't really need it, but I get your drift.

  and Gadget if I did send them Blondie's review it would signal to them that I mean business and am not coming back and that would surely hurt them too and they might disown me too for awhile.

  thanks again for reassurance that the course of action I am taking is the right one
• 

  jgnat

  It is gratifying to see comments like this:

  I dare not mention money to them as there will be a cheque in the post the next day

  Evidence that your parents have love and concern for your welfare. Here is an example that might help you in your situation. When my hubby's mother became too frail to live on her own, we moved her to a nursing care facility. Nearly every time we visted her, after kissing us on both cheeks and saying "I love you", she invited herself to come live with us. My sister (who works with seniors all the time) gave us the best reply. She explained that mama was giving us the highest form of flattery. We were safe and happy people, whom she trusted implicitly.

  "Mama, we are honored that you would want to live in our home. We love you, too."

  I think in your case, happehana, acknowledging their love and concern is fine. Being an adult, however, your life is yours to lead. Just leave off the second part and concentrate on the love your parents shower on you.
• 

  happehanna

  jgnat thank you for your encouragement I shall try and be the same 'good' daughter I always was when I was a JW and so far so good and its been three years now since I left.

  I would love to think that my parents if needed would feel that they could and would happily live with me. Yes I too would view it as a compliment and a privilege.
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  shotgun

  Shotgun I dare not mention money to them as there will be a cheque in the post the next day and I don't really need it, but I get your drift.

  I still think it's a good idea as you could send it to me!
• 

  Bubbamar

  Hi Happehanna

  I have hurt them by becoming inactive.

  I wanted to comment on this statement. Just because your parents feel pain as a response to your decision to leave their cult does NOT mean that YOU hurt them. There is a big difference. I have learned that we are all responsable for our own thoughts, feelings and actions. They have a choice in how to respond emotionally to your choice. They could be happy for you and perhaps someday they will be. You did what's right for you and they choose to be wounded by that. I am sorry for them.

  I am glad that they seem to continue reaching out to you and you continue to show them love. That's the best way to reach them - I think - LOVE.