by Netty 19 Replies latest members private
Hi Netty
I too have been out for many, many years and its just in the last few months that I have unearthed my anger. Like jonathanseagull said - I just happened upon the internet information and Ray's books and that coupled with my mom's ongoing shunning of me ---- it's a lot to handle!
I have also been in therapy and highly recommend it. But I also must say the some recent activist activity has been a great way to drain some anger! And fun too!
My best to you!
My situation is somewhat similiar since I kinda accidently successfully faded nearly 4 years ago. I say accidently because I just stopped going, cold turkey in essense, because I was mad. I was mad because even though I was 21, I was being treated like a child, no freedom.
Only later, about 3 years later did I find out that fading is the way to go if you don't want to be DF'd or DA'd. I also find out so much more like you that disgusted me about my childhood and all the wasted time. I was so angry and I wanted revenge. I decided to be proactive, I called up old JW friends and let them know how I felt. I also decided to call up an old missionary couple that converted my parents and also give them hell for ruining my parents life and mine. My apostate activities and my time on this board have been tremendous help and I'm almost over my anger issues.
The best part is since I'm faded, not that I care but is the fact that no elder can DF me at this point. I'm very much moving on with my life and attending college. Hopefully in 5 more years, JW's will only be a distant memory.
Bubbamar, Atilla, Guess the same thing has happnened to me, I did a search on the internet somewhere between one and two years ago, dont know why I just decided to type in Jehovahs Witnesses, and I found this site and Freeminds, bought the crisis of conscience book and started reading the posts on this board. The more and more I read, the more I identified with, and yea, guess I unearthed alot of hidden/or suppresed, thought I had forgotten and forgiven anger and resentment. Must mean I was not healed, or over things, or even successfully faded, like I thought I was.
Hi, Netty. I am faded, but to keep a modicome of homelife intact and for the sake of family I am 'discreet' in the company of dubs. I guess that is the right thing to do, but it gets really hard. Oneday I am sure that I will pop and tell them the truth in no uncertain terms. i also feel anger , I feel frustration, I feel sorrow, I feel guilt over teaching wrong things to others.....Of course when one reads of the tragic experiences of the abuse victims, then my experience is light, but I guess it is the damned pent up anger over a wasted life.
All those hours spent in 'the ministry'! What a waste ! What life decisions could I have made better? What mistakes would I have avoided? what mistakes could I have corrected rather than "wait on Jehovah" and allow the New World to fix it?
Funnily enough I am just playing a record that says,
"Life is a one way ticket, no second time around
Better get all you can out of life before you are 6 feet in the ground" (Dr John: 'Lifes a one way tiket")
Simple homespun philosophy, but more truth than in all the Watchtowers
anger/resentment/frustration is directed at, my parents not the society at all, its all at my parents
I must disagree. Should I blame my old mum for being taken in by the WTS. No, I believe as Ray Franz said "We are the victims of victims", and ultimately, I made my own choices. It is that Organisation that misled us all ; and it chokes me up to see young people still today being brought up in it
thanks for all the great replies everyone, so nice to have a place to come where others have experienced the same thing as I have. Even as I try to sometimes explain some of these things to my hubby, he just doesnt get the whole picture and I dont blame him, he has not had to live through the madness.
Blondie, thanks for the link very much, I am checking out her website now.
Blues, I still blame my parents, when you are raised in this cult from age 4, and by such a tyranical, domineering, violent elder for a father, trust me you dont have a choice. I mean I was taught or COMMANDED all the weird witness teachings dos and donts right along with, brush your teeth 3 times a day, learning my abc's. It was taught to me right along with the basic fundamentals of life, how does a little child know to differentiate.
I was OUT by 1979 and no anger at all (just hurt) until a month ago. Count up the years and see what it totals....mmmmm....a quarter century!! It took me 25 years to get angry!!!
You see, I think it is like smoking or any other addiction. The underlying cause is buried deep for the addiction. Whatever you use to soften the pain (the hidden reason) your addiction is just the medicine. When you kick the addiction the hidden cause is still buried.
Something comes along and triggers the release of that hidden pain and PRESTO! Since you are not addicted anymore you experience genuine ANGER.
Anger is healthy. Anger is a fight mechanism. Addiction is a flight mechanism. Those are the only two choices when you are threatened: fight or flight.
The anger boils to the surface and now it must motivate an action to eliminate the enemy. For me, my sanity I had to identify what the source of my anger was.
I identified the two connective links.
1.My father abandoned me as a baby and I never knew him. He played no part at all in my life. He was completely indifferent to my well-being.
2.Relgion gave me a substitute father (brothers and sisters too). They "loved" me where he did not.
3.When I was disfellowshipped I was wholly rejected again! (Cut off from my heavenly father).
4.I chose "flight" and became depressed and sad.
Now all these years later I'm living a happy and healthy life free and clear of JW's and that religious addiction and what comes along to stimulate the anger? My best friend, Johnny. He has remained a "faithful" JW all these years.
The fact he has to SNEAK around and meet me makes me not worth proudly claiming as his friend. I'm like his bastard friend who must be hidden! I view this as a kind of rejection. This triggers the recognition that the cause of his fear of claiming me openly as his friend is the Watchtower society!
PRESTO! I'm mad as hell and ready to fight the dragon.
It is then that my hidden pain and the resonant parallel pain converge and I have a target for my anger. The Watchtower society is a false parent! It abandons its children when they most are in need! They only matter when the WT needs their free labor. The actual well-being of humans is not of consequence to them.
My own natural father died. Just before he died he wrote me a letter telling me how much he loved me. Why? To buy himself solace and clear his conscience before death, that's why. Once again, it was HIS welfare that mattered and not mine. What was I supposed to do? Comfort him in HIS hour of need? I needed him plenty of times and he chose not to be there.
So too with the governing body and their cold and distant policies that force people to labor as slaves and kiss their collective ring of authority and obey every dictum. It is a self-serving parent they demonstrate themselves to be.
The moral of the story is this. The amount of time that passes is almost irrelevent. You have to find a way to DEAL with the worm that gnaws your gut. Anger is a positive emotion. It is much healthier than the passive self-destructive ones.
Find the source of your pain and direct your anger toward it until it dissolves under the mighty blaze of your laser beam of righteous indignation.
Thank you Terry, you made some great points. I appreciate it. I am so sorry about your father, and all that has happened to you.
My whole catch 22, (in finding the source of my pain and directing my anger towards it) is that I feel it is my parents, and I dont have a mean bone in my body. I could never bring myself to hurt them, even though they have put me through so much. But, I really believe what you are saying, it makes sense, I just have to figure out the most tactful way to do it without destroying them.
Thank you again for the good advice.
same here
Netty,
You are I are very similar. Scarily so. My anger was brought to the surface more when I had my child. How could my parents have robbed of a normal life. How could they keep from normal activities. I went thru a lot of therapy to deal with it. Now I just deal with it my knowing my child will never suffer those feelings.
I wanted to wear panty hose because all the girls were wearing them. Mother's reply was ... All the girls are pregnant. From then on I was thought if you wore them you had a baby. Jeeeze how stupid naive and sheltered we were.
Anyone see the movie "The Village" I had the plot figured out in like 35 min. Reminded me of how we were all controlled.
Now I just deal with it my knowing my child will never suffer those feelings.
That is exacllty what I do, (we really are similar)
I get such a thrill out of watching him, at christmas birthdays, do all those things in school we never did, play soccer. It is an outlet for me to watch him do these things and see the total fun he is having, no pressure,just being a kid.
