The end of a dream...

by Tashawaa 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • Tashawaa

    Perhaps the hardest part of leaving the JWs, is emotionally letting go of the "dream".

    As I was waking up this morning, caught in that state of leaving a dream and realizing I was in my bed, feeling the air circulate from my overhead fan, it dawned on me that the end of my "dream" is unknown.

    I used to take comfort in knowing that there was God. There was good and evil. Satan existed, and everyday, I had entered into battle to maintain my integrity. I knew the outcome of this war. One day a spectacular scene would play out in this world, akin to a scene from "Independence Day" (or any movie supernatural destructive scene). I knew I would "probably" be protected. I could envision the aftermath, and the joys that laid ahead with our "happy ending". There was a comfort I took in my imaginary "us vs. them" mentality. I was priviledged to know of this great story that was unfolding in my lifetime. I did not have to plan, or think about my future in this system, because I already knew what it was. I was special.

    Now, I face each day, not knowing the "ending". I prepare for a day when I may retire. I'm prepared (with life insurance and a will) in case today is my last. I don't know if there is an afterlife and no longer live for an "invisible promise". I don't know whether humankind will ever overcome the demons of war, sickness, hunger, poverty ... but I'm much more optimistic about our capabilities to do such. I no longer believe in "inspired" fairy tales.

    Its been years that I've been out, however, at times I still marvel at the emotional release. The emotional letdown of letting go of "the dream".

    It was a selfish dream...

  • BluesBrother

    nice one, Tash. I agree that it was strange ,having to decide where you stand on issues of morality and judgement, having to make up ones own mind, or openly being undecided - rather than repeating that "The Society says.............."

    Freedom is a double edged sword.. They told us we would be unhappy, "gnashing our teeth" among the depravity of the world outside. So, we stand outside and what do we find? .......For the most part , decent honorable people who are no different to past generations, and just want to raise their families and make a living and get along with their neighbour.........If that is being wicked , then (as the old song says) Grits aint Groceries, hens aint poultry and Mona Lisa was a man !

  • Tashawaa
    Mona Lisa was a man !

    Well, one theory is that its a self portrait of Da Vinci...

  • cyber-sista

    Yes, it all seems surreal now. I feel like I was in a dream or trancelike state for over 20 years. Even though I always had doubts about the WT--I bought into that dream to some degree. I did go through a strange process when I was grieving over losing the dream. Still trying to figure it out, but life is still an amazing thing with or without the WT dream.

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