Once a cheater always a cheater?

by Aalena 37 Replies latest social relationships

  • New Castles
    New Castles

    This is a decision you must make. Can you trust him again? Has he lied in the past of other things?? What type of relationship do you have?

    Search in your heart and you decide whether this will be good for you or not

  • TallTexan

    Unfortunately, I've been on your 'side' of this a few times. In my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater. I truly believe that some people have it in them to cheat, and some don't. I've never cheated, and not because the temptation hasn't been there, I just wouldn't let myself do that. People make all kinds of excuses for cheating, but the fact is that you can control who you have sex with. My first wife said it was an 'accident'. I was like, ACCIDENT? Did you trip and fall onto his dick a few hundred times?

    Whether you leave or not is up to you. Just because you caught him doesn't mean he has done it before. But once he has, and you've taken him back, the chances that it will happen again are very good. Again, I say this from experience. In both cases that it's happened to me, I took the person back, and it happened again at a later point in time. I've made a firm committment to myself that if I'm ever in that situation again, it's ADIOS mf'er, regardless of whether or not I love that person. Cheating is a selfish, bullshit act - nothing more, nothing less. There is no 'rationale', no reasonable excuse. It happens because people let it happen - they pursue someone else and follow through with it. It shows a lack of love and respect for their mate. All that "I cheated, but I still love you" is nothing but pure BS. You don't do that to someone you truly love. My advice is to begin breaking things off now and save yourself the heartache in the long run. Remember too, that even if you 'get over this', you'll never feel the same, you'll never trust that person, and when you get mad, you'll want to bring it up as ammo.

    Just my $0.02

  • czarofmischief


    Some people just can't be monogamous. I fyou can't deal with that, you'd best find someone who can be.


  • Maverick
    Having found myself on both sides of this situation I find this hard to thing to talk about. Tall T. has a very solid and valid line of reasoning, so does Six. I considered myself a loyal person, and when I was married,(15 years) I never strayed. When I was in a committed relationship I never strayed. But if I felt I was not in a committed relationship all bets were off. Now I had a few lady friends that wanted a committed relationship and I did not discourage them, but in time I came to care for one above the rest and one of the others knew about her and tried to spoil it. At that point I realised I had been a jerk and almost blew a good thing. I always talk about dating to find the one good one, but sometimes you get wrapped up in the game and don't see that one when she comes along. I am hoping this girl will forgive me and we can rebuild a measure of trust again. It will never be as good as it could have and that's my bad, but I hope I can prove to be the kind of person I saw myself as before this all happened.
  • Maverick


    I've been traveling and was on someone else's computer, saw the spyware warning, and stopped using their system.

    I'm home now after covering 25 thousand miles in five weeks! Mav

  • Sunnygal41
    I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. Everyone is different. I cheated on my first marriage, never intending to do it. I just fell in love with a co-worker that I had more in common with than my spouse. It ultimately ended my marriage, but I was never the cheating type, nor am I today. Cheating is usually the symptom of a larger problem.

    BG, been there. This is sooooo true! Terri

  • ball.

    My JW wife cheated numerous times, and most of the other women I have been with have cheated, so I try not to be cynical. But when someone says it's part of a larger problem, all I can think is, yeah part of being a woman.

    I know it's sad but I have now avoided women for 6 years so far. Sad, but true.

  • Carmel

    Billygoat is right! Everyone is different. From personal experiance I can say people change (learn) and can mature. Men can have "experiances" and learn from them. Can't attest to vemonz.. not sure they can! Just kidding!!!


  • Still Recovery
  • Still Recovery

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