IN LOVE & CONFUSED

by unique 36 Replies latest social relationships

  • Emma
    Emma
    what are some rules that apply to Americans that don't to Canadians or vice versa

    This is a myth. There may be some congregations that are able to pull off more liberal actions for a time period, but they will eventually be pulled back into line. If you're looking for loop holes that will make things easier, remember that the teachings of the watchtower society are fluid and that loop hole may be tightened at some time in the future. It won't matter what may have happened in the past.

    The only time it's "easy" is when a person is able to turn their back on the cult and walk in the other direction, and it's not easy to get to that point. Since you're already committed, if you prepare yourself for the worst it can only be better than that.

  • gitasatsangha
    gitasatsangha

    unique, I don't know you or him or your circumstances. There are several commonalities I have seen from others who have left the organization, one way or another.

    A body of elders called a Judicial Committee holds a sort of hearing with the person who is accused of whatever wrongdoing that might cause a disfellowshipping. Some infractions include but are not limited to, sex without mariage, homosexual relations, adultery, smoking, drugs, drunkenness, gluttony (this one is NEVER enforced), spiritism, interfaith, oral/anal sex with one's spouce, masturbation (again.. not enforced), apostacy, refusal to comply with the elders (a sort of generic grab bag to get a person if nothing else works). The elders will typically not actively want to disfellowship the person. The Judicial Committee hearing is more to scare the person into repentance. He has to agree to change whatever he did that caused the problem, and then there is some prayer, and quite often some form of probation (either a private or public reproof with restrictions upon the person's "priviledges"). In short he'd have to dump you, confess to his wife, beg her forgiveness, stop smoking, pray to Jehovah for forgiveness, turn in anyone else who is a JW who was involved in any of these wrongdoings, and not share his views about the JWs with anyone else. Oh, and he get's an appeal. The appeal is a meaningless repetition of the previous paragraph and always ends the same way. It is rarely done, but its in the rulebook. The rulebook is private. Elders can see it, lay persons cannot.

    The ramifications of being disfellowshipped are that his former friends and family who are still Witnesses will no longer be able to talk with him (or at least, not in any meaningful way). They are to view him as spiritually dead. When a person's entire life is built up around being in the Jehovahs Witness culture, then being disfellowshipped is viewed as a terrible punishment. It is, in effect, exile.

    He could also just say "I'm not a Jehovahs Witness anymore", in which case he would be considered dissassociated. There really is no difference in how dissassociated persons are treated from disfellowshipped persons. Depending on the elders in his congregation, it might be harder for him to come back, if he chooses, after dissassociation, then after disfellowshipping. Some do come back. Dogs smell their own shit, sometimes also.

    Right now he probably wants it all: your love, his family, his friends, his stability. I can tell you firsthand, that balancing act doesn't last forever. That's all I have to say about it.

  • unique
    unique

    How do you fade successfully??

    Is DA disassociating? Do you think that is what he is doing? Appears to be a bit I guess - so does that make it easier?

  • gitasatsangha
    gitasatsangha

    There's maybe two basic ways to fade. One is to just say to hell with it and just not return elder's calls and never go back. A person that does this might get disfellowshipped en absentia, but then again he or she probably doesn't care

    The other method is to just live like you're on the lamb. Constantly trying to avoid the JW's, and putting up a front of still being one when they come by. Maybe even going to the Memorial once a year to make them happy. It can't be a very fun way to live. In some ways it has to be worse then being in the Org.

    Dissassocation is sometimes abbreviated DA'ing on this board. If he were DA'd, he'd probably know.

    Gita-- as far as I know I am DA'd

  • iiz2cool
    iiz2cool

    Yes, DA is disassociating. I did it by sending them a letter telling them I didn't want to be known as a JW any longer. I also told them my reasons and included a warning that attempts to further harass me could result in legal action.

    For someone who has a lot of family members that are JWs it may be more practical to try fading. It takes time and patience, and doesn't always work, as some faders are shunned anyway.

    Walter

  • Emma
    Emma

    Some families won't cut the ties quite so severly with a person who has faded, at least until they find out they've committed a disfellowshipping offence, which remarrying would be. If his family are staunch witnesses, there won't be an easier way for him. It depends on how "firm in the faith" his family is. Please remember that this is a cult, that if you are not with them, you're against them, and they will never trust one who has left. This is not being like a lapsed Catholic or Baptist on most other religions. Witnesses define it themselves as "a way of life." If you haven't been part of it you can not have any idea how it's tentacles are through every pore.

    You sound like a generous caretaker. Please look out for yourself, too.

    Emma

  • Crazy151drinker
    Crazy151drinker

    How does his wife feel about you porking her husband?

  • unique
    unique

    Crazy Drinker - HOW DO YOU THINK SHE FEELS??

    Although I do believe she knows........She does know about me, and that I am a part of her husbands life she is just not aware to the extent. Does it make me feel better - ABSOLUTELY NOT.

    However, I came to this site for advice, and to try and understand the JW better. Not to be bashed!!!!!

  • confusedjw
    confusedjw

    OMG I almost had a heart attack when I read the topic.

    - Confused.

  • Crazy151drinker
    Crazy151drinker

    Unique,

    Im sure you are a very attractive woman- go find a single man! My point is that if you want to be with this man- WAIT until he is divorced. A friend of mine was in the same situation as you until magicly- he went back to his wife! Ooops! Then she was depressed for 6 months and hated the world.

    You are setting yourself up to get hurt REALLY bad. If he loves you like he says he does, then he cant wait till he gets a divorce.

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