HELP! Urgent advice needed - Child Custody - JW Mother

by catlady 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  catlady

  Thank you so much for all your advice everybody, this situation totally sucks and you're right, the kids need to be protected & come first & foremost. As you can probably appreciate, Witnesses don't seem to play fair so it has been increasingly hard for my partner to bite his tongue when the kids come out with stuff like 'mummy said she left you because you're a jerk'! I just don't say anything at all to the kids when they mention their mum, just kind of a non-commital 'uh-huh' when I hear things about her.

  What's most annoying for me about all this is how people can hide behind their religion cult. Everything she does she justifies it by being in the name of Jehovah - I think today's incident was brought about because the kids mentioned to her that they were watched 'Harry Potter' with us on Saturday night! Poor old Harry Potter, the little orphan's always getting caned for being evil & he tries so hard to do good!

  It is also so unfair how the law is so biased towards women in these matters. For many years the ex had been physically abusive to my partner, punching & kicking him when she was angry & he never defended himself - men don't hit women right? A couple of weeks ago she came over to get the children & decided to get into the custody dispute with him on the front lawn then & there. To cut a long story short, while he was holding his 7 year old, she kicked my partner so hard that she left a boot impression on his thigh. She then proceeded to go to the police station & file a restraining order against him for violence towards her! I was there the whole time, he never did a thing to her, she did however lunge at me & Beaker pulled her off me (she's a lot bigger than me!). So anyway, they both had to go to court proceedings, her with her bogus claim & him with his hospital report & photo of his thigh & the battered womens group were all over her, full of sympathy! I know a lot of dreadful things happen to women but sometimes they are not the victims & the automatic assumption that they are really goes in their favour. Believe me, I have seen this woman in action, she is no one's victim, she is one big angry rage-aholic! So at the moment they both have apprehended violence orders against each other. Insane!

  Sorry for the rant but it's just driving me nuts!

  Cat
• 

  catlady

  Elsewhere - Thank you! I'd heard rumours that this existed, nice to have it in black & white, very interesting info!

  Cheers

  Cat
• 

  Bryan

  Cat,

  I've been where your partner is, and I know it's tough. Buy honestly, if he hasn't done anything which the court may see as negative toward the children, I wouldn't worry. Even the basic guidlines should give him every other weekend and wednesday evenings along with half all holidays. If you live close, 50/50 in some matter is what the judge would want for the children, unless she starts making horrible claims about him.

  I was kidnapped at age two by my father and didn't find my mother until I was in my 30s. No matter what my father thought about his wife... I needed my mother. And really, as long as the children are not being abused, they need both their mother and father. The witness brainwashing may be considered as abuse, but to my knowledge, there is no way to use this in court.

  Take a breath,

  Bryan
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  jgnat

  The boot print will help. This lady doesn't sound like the type to work things out in mediation. I have seen a Judge cut through all the BS and reveal the slacker/jerk/incompetent for who he/she is. Keep your course, Catlady, and wait for your day in court.
• 

  Corvin

  It has been my experience that the religion is best brought up by the JW parent. If you can then show or at least illude that the JW is a fanatic without making the religion an issue, and tie that religion and its rules to emotional abuse, the judge does take notice.

  In my case, before we went to the judge we had to go before a Family Law Court Mediator (FLCM). Our meeting lasted 3 hours. My ex-wife lied her ass off for 3 hours, too. She also made it clear that she was a JW, and came across like a kook. She got caught lying several times, and because of her rules for the kids based on the religion, she came across very much like a fanatic and very unreasonable. In her report to the judge, the FLCM said that the mother's rules for the kids seemed to be very unreasonable, mentioning as an example that the kids were not allowed to associate with anyone that was not in their religion. She stated to the judge that my rules seemed to be closer to the norm. The FLCM also privately interviewed the kids and the kids did have some input as well. The kids, being old enough in this instance, did have much to say about the difference between my home and their mom's home and stated uncategorically that they much preferred to live with me, and tied in the emotional abuse with the religion itself.

  I did not have an attourney but was very crafty and used my JW knowledge to bait my exwife knowing that she would respond in the typical JW fashion and come across as unstable and fanatical.

  I would not bring up the religion itself, but if she does, use it to your advantage.

  Corvin
• 

  Dogpatch

  Hel
• 

  Dogpatch

  Helpful page with legal issues addressed:

  http://www.freeminds.org/legal/legal.htm

  Note: Links to related sites does not mean we endorse everything on these sites, but is provided merely for reference.

  A Psychoanalytic Look at Recovered Memories, Therapists, Cult Leaders and Undue Influence NEW

  Reflections on Marriage and Children after the Cult by Lorna Goldberg, M.S.W. NEW

  "Litigation Pack" documents from the UK Watchtower Society to prepare the JW parent re: child custody in court

  JW position on blood from the Univ. of PA Health System (chart)

  SEXUAL ABUSE ISSUES IN THE WATCHTOWER

  Attorneys focusing on JW sexual abuse:

  Love & Norris

  Blood: Pregnant Patients Refusing Medical Care NEW

  Lawsuits over "shunning" may face an uphill battle (posted 9/11/00)

  Links to Therapists

  Extensive Notes on JW Child Custody Cases (posted 7/17/01)
  Custody 911 Custody in the News
  Dealing with JW Custody Cases by Rick Ross Father's Right to Custody
  How to Win Child Custody
  Jehovah's Witness Youth and Testimony in Court
  Law and Child Custody: An Overview
  Lying In Court: a review of the Watchtower's booklet, "Preparing For Child Custody Cases"
  Letter of Disassociation of Gloria Muscarella
  Pro-JW Custody Site

  Randy Watters

  http://www.freeminds.org
• 

  baysixforme

  As shotgun already said, I would steer clear of citing religion as a main cause of concern. I'm in the UK and have had similar issues in the past and am presently anticipating a major battle in court.

  The main criteria should be the welfare of the child/ren and that goes down well with the authorities, and I'm sure that would be in your part of the world too! It might be worth considering, and I don't mean this lightly.....that there is a difference between what pisses us off personally about the absent/other parent and what the courts, family court welfare officers, social workers etc deem to be a legitimate cause for complaint. This is of course a difficult thing to do at times when emotions run high and principles are being violated.

  If you can voice your concerns about your issues....and do this in a calm and reasonable manner, (which is under the circumstances is sometimes very difficult to do), then this will go a long way, especially when the same people that interview you will be also speaking to the other party, a member of a high control and lets face it....a deviant religious adherent of a minority faith with weird practices!!!! C'mon let it speak for itself!

  Don't lose heart. Things can turn out right in the end. I do know the anguish involved with child custody battles and the anticipation can be gut-wrenching. But one thing that I have learned is that, If you stick your neck out for what is right and do not waver and at all times bear in mind, (respectfully) with whom you are dealing with, you can win!

  Keep us informed,

  Regards,

  Bay64me
• 

  beaker

  hello all

  catlady has kindly sought your advice on my behalf. things weren't going to bad until the ex realised how many sunday meetings the kids were missing by being with me. now she wants to limit my contact to two hours per week so that i cant influence them against the jw's. she has even gone to the point of planning really fun things to do for the kids when they are supposed to be with me so that they want to stay with her.

  i am supposed to have them this weekend but a congregation bushwalk is taking precedence. this is all becoming very tiring. thank you all for your words of encouragement and support.

  beaker
• 

  Country Girl

  A video camera, a digital tape recorder, and a diary produce some spectacular results.

  1) other parent is less likely to act out during exchanges

  2) provides a nice backup for evidence that other parent is abusive

  Country Girl