Funnies, please

by dorothy 5 Replies latest social humour

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  dorothy

  This is for anyone who has more funny comics about JW's. Loved the ones in the other post.
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  funkyderek

  

  

  
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  Pinned Blouse

  Entering into Heaven/Paradise
  
  A man arrives at the gates of heaven. The Archangel asks, "Religion?"
  The man says, "Methodist."
  The Archangel looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
  Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
  "Baptist."
  "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
  A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
  "Jewish."
  "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
  The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
  The Archangel tells him, "Well, the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."
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  Pinned Blouse

  How to Annoy and Confuse JWs, and
  Maybe Even Get an "X" Marked over Your House
  On the "Territory Map" (The ones marked with an asterisk are mine. Feel free to take them, with a link to this site)

  • When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
  • Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop uninvited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
  • For males only: While you're talking with them, start putting on lipstick... and remark that you have a hot date.
  • Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?"
  • Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country."
  • A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
  • Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the forty-two children.
  • Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.
  • Say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
  • Pick an oft-repeated word in the "approved lexicon" and giggle or say "beep" whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones.
  • Go to a Kingdom Hall and put one of those "No Soliciting" signs on the door (or do as one woman did recently and show up at a public meeting to share the good news of your religion with them. *)
  • Every time they say "God," or the ever-popular "Jehovah-God," say "or Goddess." *
  • Tell them you know they mean well, but you believe in a "God of love and forgiveness." *
  • Wear an American Flag and start talking about how you're proud to be an American. *
  • Ask them what day the sun was created, since it is the source of light, the marker of days, the sun, and a star. *
  • Ask them how the "fruits of the spirit" are manifested by current news items regarding JWs (take your pick: protecting pedophiles, JWs who murder their families, etc. Check JW News for the latest.) *
  • Ask them who Cain married. *
  • Remark that the "new light" seems to be blinking a lot lately. *
  • Ask them why the Watchtower Society isn't based in Jerusalem, but in New York. *
  • Ask them about the recent "corporate restructuring" of the Watchtower Society. *
  • Ask them who owns their Kingdom Hall. *
  • Ask them to sit quietly and concentrate on their breathing. *
  • Ask them if independent thinking is still "against their religion" - "Awake!" indeed! *
  • Ask them if they think Jesus' feelings might be hurt when no-one partakes of the wine and bread at his memorial dinner. *

  Or better yet, don't annoy and confuse them - just pretend you're not home! Any response from you is interpreted as an invitation.
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  Gerard

  

  

  

  

  

  
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  Stefanie

  

  lol That was funny!