Wow that?s incredible. Im happy for you. For me the feeling that anything is possible is overwhelming. I look at my daughter and want to work harder to put her through college?to support her in whatever she chooses in life. The freedom to do whatever you choose in life is the best gift Ive ever gotten, and will be able to give to my daughter.
My life, then and now. musings, long.
by Odrade 14 Replies latest members private
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Special K
Hi Odrade
When you're a dub your life is very linear and runs on a treadmill. Not much decision making to be made it's all handed to you from their publications or, of course, you need to ask your husband to see if it's okay or ask the elders. God forbid you should make a freakin' mistake or have an independent fleeting thought in your head.
I think life is a series of curves and sways and ups and downs and sometimes all arounds. Real life entertwines constant decision making with OUR adjustments to suit our needs, wants, and desires etc. And we will make mistakes and we will change our mind on things.
I'm glad you got off the J.W. treadmill, Odrade.. You are free now to go and be in any direction that you choose.
You are pulsing through life now with someone you love but not with someone who has any kind of so called "ownership" over you. I think the"Headship syndrome" that the J.W.'s inflict often leads to bullying and it's just wrong anyway.
Enjoy your life as you dance to the music that YOU choose, Odrade.
As far as kids are concerned. You have the right to choose. It's a decision that you and your husband will make.
All the best
love
Special K
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alias
Odrade,
Your experiences definitely resonate with me. I'm sure it was theraputic expressing them down on 'paper.'
Like you, my life has changed so much since I've 'faded.' I still remember trying to nervously rationalize taking my first college course (English 101) eight years ago and being careful to schedule classes around theocratic pursuits. Balancing a realistic life in 'this world' with the treadmill of JWism eventually created so much inner conflict that I eventually broke down.
And began to rebuild.
I feel sadness when I contemplate *what if* I never left? I wouldn't have discovered some amazing passions within myself. I wouldn't have understood what it means to love people for who they are inside, and not what appears to the superficial eye.
No, I would have continued to tow the line of a religious organization that I didn't wholeheartedly support. I would have continued to feel inadequate and unworthy because I couldn't do enough. And what I could do "probably" might not be enough. I would have served man. I would have put my life on hold awaiting some future salvation.
Now it's different. And eight years ago I never imagined I would be here today the way I am.
Congratulations on your schooling. That's one big step towards living an authentic life.
Thanks for sharing,
alias
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franklin J
Hi Odrade,
I hear you loud and clear. Well written and expressed.
My experience with leaving the JWs and looking back on my life has been similar. I would not do anything differently. You know when you are contented and " happy" with you lot in life. ( ....and you also know when you are not...) And if you are not happy; you work to change things. I am a firm believer in the fact that; if you can think it; you can do it.
My advice to those just beginning the journey on the "outside" of the faith is....be careful what you wish for, because dreams do come true.
Hokey saying, I know. But the fact is we live in a society where you CAN HAVE EVERYTHING you want. You work for it and you obtain it. What a rush!
Frank
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Odrade
Wow everyone! Thanks for all the views and responses. That was nice validation of some of the changes in my life. Sometimes it seems that we are so keyed into helping others in crisis on here, we forget to stop and take stock of the positive differences in our own lives. I'll bet there are so many more on this board who have similar realizations, but never express it.
This last Saturday, I had the pleasure of meeting "Deleted" and his wife at a meetup. Imagine my surprise and delight when it turned out they were a couple that I knew well back in my "hardcore" days. I remember Mrs. Deleted as a pioneer and faithful JW wife, with the glazed look that so many develop. You know I was thrilled to see this happy glowing woman walk in and sit down, talking with us like a huge burden had been lifted from her, as indeed it has.
reboot...
Just being able to paint and spend an afternoon lost in it is so luxurious.....
You said it! Saturday, we went out to breakfast, as is our custom, then we went bowling, then we went for a walk in the park, after that was meetup, then I met Bisous for a glass of wine and some fabulous pasta. Everything I did was because I wanted to, with people I enjoyed, and on my own time schedule. On a Saturday no less--totally guilt free. As we were pulling out of the driveway for our "day 'o fun," the JW neighbors were loading their reluctant children and wives into the mini-van for a fabulous morning of peddling the Watchtower Good News. I so envy them... NOT!
cyber-sista...
conditional love program
ROTFL!!! no kidding. Sad but true, we have to get out before we can find out which people love us for us, and which ones are just doing their congregation duty of glomming onto the high hour pubs, and "encouraging" the "weak."
Rachel...
recently took some classes myself and now have two certifications in personal training. I plan to work from some local gyms in the fall and I'd like to specialize in training people for 1/2 and full marathons along with bicycle centuries and events like that.
Cool! I'll have to talk to you about that. Personal training certification could be really useful to me at this point. I had no idea you were doing this, very cool. You know, one thing the WT had right: you have to have goals. I wonder what business seminar they got that from...
tal...
children are like little sponges, soaking up all the knowledge they can. Well, why should we limit that to children?
Hear, hear! Sometimes I hear "older" people (their label, not mine) say, "It's been so long since I was in school, I'm too old to learn." Right. The smartest, highest scoring person in my classes is a woman about 48 years old. She says this all the time, but you know, there she is, learning a new skill and new information for which she had no background. And she puts the "kids" in the program to shame with her ability to grasp the material. Go for it! I'm glad I did, you will be too!
New castles... Good Dad! The support and freedom for a child to choose what they love to learn is a tremendous gift. What about you? What do you want to learn?
Special K
God forbid you should make a freakin' mistake or have an independent fleeting thought in your head.
I paid for a couple of freakin' mistakes and independent thoughts for years, right up until I took my leave from those controlling and controlled deluded delusional conditional hypocritical....
*breathe* haha. You're a special lady Special. Thanks for the support and PMs, it's meant alot. Take care of yourself and those three boys, and if I ever change my mind and acquire an ankle biter, I promise we'll make a trip to visit you someday.
Alias...
I wouldn't have understood what it means to love people for who they are inside, and not what appears to the superficial eye.
Friendship used to panic me. I was afraid of being friends with someone who "needed" me because who knew if they "wanted" me. And I was mistrustful of their motives all the time, usually because it turned out that they DID have ulterior motives. Also, I never knew if I was going to get ditched for someone else if I missed a service day or a meeting. Plus, who has time for friendship on that horrible schedule we had to keep. I mean, if you were doing it "right," there was no time left to go out of an evening with the girls, never mind anything spontaneous. blah, so glad that's over... Good friends now, and time to spend with them. What a treat! What a life-saver!
franklin j...
You know when you are contented and " happy" with you lot in life. ( ....and you also know when you are not...) And if you are not happy; you work to change things.
...couldn't have said it better myself. Funny how many people slid or were driven out of the org because of simple but desperate unhappiness and all the physical symptoms that go along with it.
There are so many dramatic stories on this board and elsewhere, it's amazing to me what some have survived to get to this point. But it's also amazing to me that I survived to get to this point, and I didn't go through near the ordeal that many of you have. For the most part, things were pretty easy for me, but I wasn't free, and I wasn't happy. I'm getting there now, I'm getting there. And I know what happy feels like, pretty amazing thing, isn't it?
Odrade