Hi everyone....

by Jeremy Bravo 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Jeremy Bravo

  Hi everyone,

  As I sit in front of my computer in a drunken stupor wondering what might have been, I felt I had to post my story to those who might truly understand what I am going through.

  I am a newbie here, but have been lurking around for the last few weeks. I am 25 years old, from Ontario, and totally heartbroken.

  To give you some background, back in 1998, I studied with the Witnesses because some friends of mine, whom I believe to be honest and sincere people, gave me (I thought at the time) some good advice to start a book study. I did, and I really enjoyed it because I felt they presented everything factually and had a strong interpretation of the scriptures (I'm a facts man, you see). As time went on, I attended meetings where Red flags started to go up. First it was because of a talk about comparing a hypothetical situation where the JW's go into seclusion to Noah's story, saying that the end could happen any time, blah blah blah. My intuition would not stop raising these flags, on other issues including:

  - the 144.000 so-called anointed ones
  - the 1914 thing
  - the false prophecies
  - having old JW's as my mediator before God.
  - and ESPECIALLY the fact I could not continue to practice martial arts

  At any rate, the love bombing was well underway and my life was slowly but surely coming under the control of the Tower. As I was almost ready for baptism, I decided that if I was to be going around telling people door-to-door that they were wrong about their religious beliefs, I would need to know what our detractors had to say (Know your enemy, so to speak). What I found online made me sick - sick that I almost fell for such an insidious plan. I attended one more meeting called something like "Stay close to the Theocracy" in Oct/Nov 98 and that was it. When the guy I had studied with popped by to ask if I wanted to play some road hockey with some of the others I told him no and that I could not in good conscience continue my studies with Jehovah's Witnesses.

  Fast Forward to today: six days ago I broke up with the woman I love, whom I had been dating for five months, because she got baptized last Saturday. She had been studying for almost three years and did not hide that fact from the beginning of our relationship, nor did I hide the fact that I disagreed with their theologies.

  We went on, falling hopelessly in Love for one another, all the while sweeping the issue under the rug. 2 weeks ago, when she informed me that she was going to get baptized and she asked "what are we going to do?" the issue of our future children came up, and I said that I would never allow my children to be raised in that religion, or at least be exposed to it until they were old enough to think for themselves. This shook her up. Needless to say, the Death Knell sounded that day and we broke up Thursday, saying that we would love each other forever. Many times I offered to tell her what I know and she declined each time.

  I am absolutely shattered about this, but what kills me the most is that I cannot shake the feeling that her beautiful words to me were nothing but lies.

  If she loved me as she said she does, why didn't she at least listen to what I had to say?

  If she trusted me with her heart and soul, why did she say that what I had to say was "probably all crap?"

  Why did she abandon what we built without even giving me the chance I deserved?

  I am going nutty over this and am losing my faith in the Power of Love as a result. Monday night we had our final "have a nice life" conversation over the phone, both of us crying. I think about her constantly and I need answers. I don't expect answers from this forum, because I don't believe issues like this can be instantly solved and PRESTO! go away. Maybe all I need is to get inside her head for a minute. Then again, maybe all I need is to stop drinking so much damn beer.

  Well I gotta go have a smoke.

  If anyone reads this, thanks for your time,
  Jeremy.

  "When there is freedom from mechanical conditioning, there is simplicity. Life is a relationship to the whole." - Bruce Lee.
• 

  hippikon

  Welcome I hope you stay. My advice for what its worth – Move on. Better an issue like that is raised early in a relationship than later when there may be kids involved.

  
  "But it does move"
  Galileo
• 

  unclebruce

  Hi and welcome Jeremy Bravo,

  It's been years since I went through that type of heartache, but I know the pain well .. hang in there my friend and don't be afraid to let it all out .. most folks posting here have been to hell and back in one way or another.

  good posting, unclebruce
• 

  AlanF

  Man, I feel for you! But you're not alone. Many people have found that two of the biggest loves of their lives -- the Watchtower organization and their mate -- were not what they at first seemed. The pain is excruciating. It took me more than 30 years of sporadic but increasingly painful investigation to fully realize how corrupt JW leaders are. Along the way the "wife of my youth" decided that I wasn't going to make it through Armageddon and so she emotionally dumped me. Naturally that led to divorce a decade later.

  The fact is that solid JWs have the natural tendency to love trained right out of them. This begins almost from the beginning of a "study" program. While questions are apparently encouraged at first, these are soon tended to be put aside "to be answered later". If the student easily complies, he or she is well on the way to being suckered in. You know how that works. By the time a person is ready to get baptized, they know deep down that loyalty to JW leaders supercedes everything, even though on a surface level they can't or won't admit it. "You can't serve two masters" has become "you can't love anything more than the Society". Thus, when push comes to shove, a true-blue JW will throw away all relationships other than that with the Society.

  I don't know what else to say about your lady love. If she's so involved with the JWs that things have worked out just as you say, then it's probably for the best that you never got married. You have no idea the pain you could go through. Think it's tough after three years of being together? Try doing it after 20, and after you've got kids.

  This is one of the detestable things about Fundamentalist style religion. My stepson, who is about your age, fell in love with a girl who was raised a Fundy. She had no problem with him being completely non-religious, but her braindead Fundy mom did, and made it clear that if the girl didn't break off the relationship, the college money would be cut off. The girl complied with mom. Too bad; she's a lovely young lady.

  I know this stuff isn't very encouraging, but those are the facts of conservative religious life.

  AlanF
• 

  Roamingfeline

  Hi and welcome to the board. JW's are taught to love "conditionally". And this is what you have come up against.
  Honestly, I know it hurts, but count yourself lucky. The absolute truth is that if she had faith and trust in you, she would have at least listened to what you had to say. The fact that she didn't should tell you something. She's conditioned by the cult NOT to listen.

  It's no reason to lose your faith in love itself. It's out there, and it exists. But you got caught up with a cult, and a person enslaved in that cult. Cut the ties and find something to take your mind off of things until the pain lessens. Your martial arts, perhaps?

  Good luck, and once again, Welcome!
  RCat
• 

  wasasister

  It is late as I write this and I wish I had the energy to give a better response. For now, let me tell you I am glad you had the courage to post. What you're going through is difficult, but you are not alone. Stick around and let those who have "been there, done that" lend some support.

  I wish you well.

  Wasasister/who usually avoides such cliches as above
• 

  Flip

  I need

  If anyone reads this, thanks for your time,
  Jeremy.

  Hey Jer! Check the “read” counter near the top of your post once in a while, you might be surprised.

  … is to stop drinking so much damn beer.

  Could be tough to do…I suspect we could only round up about 200 folks from here who would volunteer to drop in and help you "empty" your fridge. (Molson, Labatt or Moosehead by the way?) :)

  I am going nutty over this and am losing my faith in the Power of Love as a result

  Love has ended!?…sounds to me your right smack in the middle of that experience! Appears you, like many of us have lost much and have a long haul ahead in the love experiance department. As the Yogi (not the Tibetan one, the Yankee) said, “even if the world were perfect, it wouldn't be", so keep trying by movin on, brother.

  Flip
• 

  Cautious

  Hi Jeremy - sorry to hear what you are going through.

  Like the other posters have said, I would say to move on. Your ex is under the control of a cult.

  It may not seem like it, but you will get over this. Learn again to enjoy the journey of life, and someone will come along and walk with you when it is right.

  Also, welcome to the board. Keep us informed as to how you are doing.

  Cautious - who must also be tired, because she doesn't usually wax lyrical.
• 

  Scorpion

  JB,

  It seems that your girl friends real love was not with you. The Watchtower has a way with influence over ones emotions and thinking ability as well as complete control over ones life once one commits.
  Hopefully the "love of your life" will wake up as you did and see through the WT farce.

  As far as Alan's post, I do not agree that just because one belongs to a fundamentalist style religion, and one does not, that relationships can not work out. I have two very good friends that have been married for over 18 years now. He is an atheist and she belongs to a non-denominational religion. They have a very good marriage. She new he was atheist when she married him. I enjoy his company even though we do not see eye to eye.

  Also my Grandmother who was a devout JW, was married to my Grandfather for I can't remember how long. He being raised by his father who was a Baptist minister, denied God and religion after moving out at a young age and remained atheist till he died. He died before my Grandmother did. She died June 22 1997. They had a fairly good marriage except for the fact that my Grandfather was somewhat controlling and smoked heavily till he had emphysema so bad he was hooked up to oxygen full time.
• 

  Jeremy Bravo

  Hello,

  It's nice to meet all of you, and thank you for your support.

  First off, I gotta say I'm not going off the deep end or anything. Just feeling so blue I'm purple.

  Hippikon/wasasister/cautious:

  Moving on is what I have to resign myself to do. Everyone I've talked to so far has given me similar advice, but none of them can help me on the level that this forum can (re: JW's). I just have this overbearing need for closure.

  AlanF:

  I am in no way trying to get in a pissing contest with you, but although short, it was the best time of my life. I cannot remember a time when I felt so alive and special.

  Roamingfeline:

  I have been going to martial arts practices again hardcore. Twice since Monday and one more tomorrow. While in the relationship, I missed many of them because I wanted to be with my girl. I have found that it is the best therapy for me. If I can't be happy, might as well make myself dangerous enough whip people who light my (presently) short fuse. hehe.

  Flip:

  Moosehead all the way, buddy. I was especially pissed to see the Heritage/Excellence/Tradition/Commitment labels discontinued. My favourite was Excellence. And yeah, you're right, I am smack dab in the middle of it and there's no going back.

  Thanks again everyone,
  Jer.