Corporate Styles

by L_A_Big_Dawg 1 Replies latest social humour

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  L_A_Big_Dawg

  Got this from a friend and thought i would share it:

  Corporate Styles:

  LIBERAL

  You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write a letter to your Congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow.

  You hold a concert to raise awareness for cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who can't attend attend because ticket prices are so expensive only people that own three or four cows can afford to attend.

  You wear a ribbon that signifies you care about cow-less people even though you really haven't done anything to help them out.

  CONSERVATIVE

  You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

  SOCIALIST

  You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

  COMMUNIST

  You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

  CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

  You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and now you have a herd of cows.

  DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

  You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

  AMERICAN CORPORATION

  You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are suprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down-sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

  FRENCH CORPORATION

  You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

  JAPANESE CORPORATION

  You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

  GERMAN CORPORATION

  You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blonde, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation a year.

  ITALIAN CORPORATION

  You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambing around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

  RUSSIAN CORPORATION

  You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have four cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have eight cows. The Russian Mafia show up and steals however many cows you really have.

  TALIBAN CORPORATION

  You have all the cows in Afganistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

  IRAQI CORPORATION

  You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send tapes of their mooing.

  POLISH CORPRATION

  You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

  CALIFORNIAN CORPORATION

  You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent all its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after recieving a taxpayer-paid sex change operation.

  You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn;t. You try to sell the transgenered cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk generating cow to pay the damages, You now have one rich, transgener, non-milk producing cow.

  You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamonte call sfor higherfarm taxes to help "Working cows." Hillary Clinton calls for nationalization of one-seventh of your farm "for the children." Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming that you groped their teats.

  You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The L.A. Times analysis shows your business failure is George W. Bush's fault.
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  JeffT

  You have a bunch of cows. You are the cowboy. You tell your cows that you are the cowboy and they have to produce so much milk.

  When they don't produce the right amount of milk you give them a lecture explaining that you are the cowboy and you've told them how much milk to produce and they better get on it.

  When they still don't produce enough milk, you have an assembly of cows and spend two days telling them to produce more milk, because they have to do it, you are the cowboy and said so.

  When they still don't produce enough milk you have a three day convention at which you explain that you are the cowboy, they are the cows, and they need to produce more milk, and if they don't do it you're going to take away their hay.

  Some of the cows start to complain and you tell your cows that those are BAD COWS and good cows don't listen to them. And good cows will work hard to produce more milk.

  Late at night, you wonder why you don't have any milk.